Hi PUAs

Does anyone have tips for beating feelings of self-consciousness?

I feel self-conscious whether talking to guys or girls and even sometimes when talking to people whom I've known for a while.

I had read someone that one way to stop feeling this way is to focus on something external e.g. notice the colour of objects in the room. I find this technique is somewhat effective. I mix this up with thoughts such as "I like to smile" or thoughts of saying "yes" to whatever, in the spirit of improv. I find this leaves me feeling ok and not feeling (and hopefully, not looking) too awkward when I find myself alone in a room.

When I am talking with someone, I'm ok at first, but the longer the conversation goes, the more likely I am to feel self-conscious. When this happens, I become particularly aware of the tension in the muscles on my face. I try distract myself by either noting details of the face of the person I'm talking with or by thinking "I like this person (that I'm talking to)". The latter is aimed at (and is somewhat effective at) getting me to smile as I listen, because I feel that I often stare blankly at people as they talk. I say it's only somewhat effective because once I become aware of the (residual) tension in the muscles on my face that aren't involved in smiling, any sort of smile feels forced.


I feel particularly self-conscious in group situations. It takes conscious effort to interject and contribute something to the conversation and if I fail to do so, I find myself feeling passive and awkward.

Has anyone had similar problems and found ways to fix them?


Thanks

TFowl