Hey guys,

I was thinking of trying to sell some stuff at my local mall just so that I can get over my approach anxiety. I've spent lots of money on nice clothes and facial products for myself to look better and feel more confident. I think girls actually look at me at the mall and wish I would talk to them but I still feel uncomfortable sarging. I feel like a bit of a creeper just walking around the mall asking girls if they'd give me their number.

I figure, what's the difference if I spent $100 on stuff to sell on the street or at the mall, instead of on clothes and a new haircut, and went around trying to get people to buy it. I honestly wouldn't care if I didn't make a dime doing it, it would still be an excuse to get out there.

I think the line between sales and pickup is a pretty thin one anyway. What do you guys think?

---Johannes

I hope you wasn't being literal when you said 'walking around the mall asking girls if they'd give me their phone number', because that is creepy!

If you haven't already you need to check out the rules of Day Game. (search daygame on google, and its the top website) It was developed by Andy Yosha and Yad, who are 2 super cool guys who have absolutely perfected the art of day game. I've seen them in action and its very effective and very impressive.

I don't think trying to sell things to people is a very good way to try to build up confidence myself, because most people won't stop and listen to you when they know you are trying to sell them something, and many people will be rude and just tell you to f**k off - not a good confidence booster.

A good alternative, which costs a lot less, is a lot more effective and I know a bunch of guys in London who did this to boost confidence, is to look smart and presentable, and carry a clipboard with a pre-written survey (made up by you) about something that is specific to women, and that they may be interested in. For example: you are a student at the London College of Fashion (or wherever you are based of course) and you are conducting a survey about womens fashion. From here you can use an approach which is completely non-threatening, and women are a lot more likely to stop, answer your survey and eventually you can build up the confidence to try and build some rapport and just work on your conversation skills. Its also good for working on sets, because I understand it can be quite daunting for some people speaking to a group of women, especially when they are on their own. Having this skillset is an invaluable part of game.

An example of an approach would be:

'hey can I tell you something really quickly (don't wait for an answer). I'm from the London College of Fashion and I really love your style, and as part of my course I have to find the 10 stylish looking women and get some feedback from them. Do you mind if I quickly ask you about this look?'

Seriously do you think someones gonna tell you to f**k off now! First of all you've given a time constraint by saying quickly, so your not gonna hold them up for too long; you've paid a compliment by saying that they're stylish (massive brownie points!); you've said that you are asking 10 people, which means that out of a whole shopping mall full of women you have specifically chosen her; and the icing on the cake you have invited her to tell you about her fashion and ultimately talk about herself

The reason this approach helps you to get over Approach Anxiety is that it teaches you that women are very receptive to you if you seem genuine, and aren't only after one thing - (ironic I know as in this case you aren't actually being genuine!!)

I would advise that you do a little research on womens fashion beforehand, nothing major, just know whats what. If you have a female friend you can ask, great. Trust me, knowing a little bit about womens fashion is a good thing anyway, they love to talk about it and it can create openers for you regarding fashion.

Get out there and have a go. Remember, the best way to get over approach anxiety is to keep doing approaches again and again, and by learning from your mistakes. I'd love to know how you get on so keep me posted.

Miles

It may help a little, but it won't be a total cure. You're still hiding behind a purpose. Approaching someone on a functional level is different, and often easier, than on a personal level. If you feel selling stuff would be a challenge for you, and could help you aspire to cold approaches, then go for it. But at some point, you'll still have to get to get used to approaching people with the sole reason of getting to know them.

I took up public speaking before with the same goal in mind. I finally realized it wasn't helping when speeches became easy, but carrying on conversations during break time was still a challenge.

That's interesting Deadeyexx, but maybe that was purely public speaking. Some Toastmasters events foce you to speak for a minute or two on a random subject which also challenges you to come up with things to say in front of people while you feel pressured, which must help.

The other thing is that we all have different levels of anxiety for different things. I don't think its possible to say that because chellenging your public speaking wasn't of a great deal of use to you socially making conversation with individuals that it would not be of much use to the next person.

Also, what you done was still positive. Challenging yourself on any level and being in the habit of challenging yourself is also important. Lastly, is it possible that for someone who specifically has trouble speaking up in front of a group of people at a social gathering could be helped by learning publick speaking? If so then public speaking must be of some help socially.

I am planning on doing Toastmasters myself, and am gradually making progress at the moment doing voluntary work and speaking to more new people all the time. Public speaking will be next for me.

Yes, table topics help a lot in training you to think on your feet. I did plenty of those too. All I'm saying is convincing someone to buy a product, or conveying information is different than making friends. There's a rapport building part that no amount of speech training can teach you, and that you will never learn when it's overshadowed by a specific purpose.

I think you guys should maybe take a look at my earlier post on this.

I don't know why you seem so keen to sell things and speak publicly, I wouldn't actually recommend either especially not cold selling in the street.
Think about it, what is your reaction when you see someone in the street selling something - most people try to avoid them so they don't approach you, and if they do, they say sorry no thanks and carry on walking before giving them a chance to even say what it is they're selling.

The informal type survey approach is killer, I've seen people do it, and not once did they get a negative response. And after one or two approaches you could actually see the guys getting more confident, and escalating the interactions to the point where one girl asked the guy for HIS facebook details. (don't know what happened when she found out he wasn't a fashion student!!)

Also with the public speaking - its great for confidence admittedly, but speaking in front of people and speaking TO people are two entirely different skillsets. Work on both.

Be Lucky

Miles

I think you guys should maybe take a look at my earlier post on this.

I don't know why you seem so keen to sell things and speak publicly, I wouldn't actually recommend either especially not cold selling in the street.
Think about it, what is your reaction when you see someone in the street selling something - most people try to avoid them so they don't approach you, and if they do, they say sorry no thanks and carry on walking before giving them a chance to even say what it is they're selling.

The informal type survey approach is killer, I've seen people do it, and not once did they get a negative response. And after one or two approaches you could actually see the guys getting more confident, and escalating the interactions to the point where one girl asked the guy for HIS facebook details. (don't know what happened when she found out he wasn't a fashion student!!)

Also with the public speaking - its great for confidence admittedly, but speaking in front of people and speaking TO people are two entirely different skillsets. Work on both.

Be Lucky

Miles