Hi

I'm 26, for the last 5 years I've pretty much spent most of my time alone. No hobbies, interests, few friends, no gfs. I have no confidence with people in general, even less with girls.

Anyway, it's occurred to me that I seem to have lost my personality. By this I mean I'm not interesting. I don't have anything interesting to say to people, no exciting stories or anything like that. When I talk to the few people I do talk to, it’s as if I am an emotionless machine, just going through the basic pleasantries and then that’s it, I have nothing else.

Anyone have any ideas on how to become interesting again to people?

Thanks!

When you're used to very little of something (social interaction), it's natural to become a lot less picky. Having a personality requires you to have preferences, opinions, being able to speak your mind, & many other independent characteristics. However, when your level of interaction is so low, it's often easiest to surpress doing things that could irritate people & drive them away, like having a personality.

My suggestion would be to develop the "yes man" philosophy and accept as many people in your life as you can. Once you have a glut of social interaction, you can begin to act more freely as burning a few bridges doesn't completely cut you off anymore. Think of your situation like being a starving man. You will likely have to accept some sub par food to get by for the time being, but once you have access to more than enough to sustain you, it's way easier to reject the undesirable.

I struggle with the same issues developed from a fairly similar story. I have noticed that a few of my friends are also suffering with loss of their personality(In both men and women).

The only link I have noticed is the lack of social activity between us all. I have no for sure solid advice on this dilemma but, I will give you the same advice I'm going to give myself and follow.

Go hang with your friends once or twice more week. This will in return start to rebuild your Social Intuition. We are by nature a social creature. We tend to feel better when we are with other people, when we are used to being around others. We build our personalities from other people's personalities either consciously or subconsciously.

Have you ever caught yourself saying something that a friend had said or vise-versa? That means they secretly admired what the other person had said, or better yet they found it interesting.

If you believe I gave and am about to follow bad advice feel free to post.

Hey, everyone has a personality! It's just that now your personality has changed i.e you're a bit of a recluse. I suggest you join a club/gym or something that, something that gets you talking to and interacting with more people. Go out more with the friends you have, if they don't want to then I would find more friends.

You could change overnight if you want to, just speak to random people, even just say "Hi" and it will get your confidence back up over a period of time. Taking the first step if always the hardest, finding the motivation to do it.

I spent 3 years as a recluse, i'm glad i'm back to socialising again. It was hard, finding the confidence to speak to people but I got there in the end.

While everyone may say be yourself etc, but that's obviously not working. May I suggest pick out some you know who's cool, and has a friendly personality and try to be like him. Mix this with your own experiences and hobbies, etc and you'll be very on your way. Remember very little of what you actually say determines what people think of you. Most comes from body language and HOW you say it.
If you want to build rapport, speak in the same tone as them, sit how they sit.
Good luck.

say what you think, even if people dont like it. Stand out and dont be afraid to stand out, even if u come off as nerdy or weird, its better than being the guy who doesnt talk/ has no personality. I know from experience, i used to have no personality, i am good looking and never developed one which caused a LOT of problems for me, so I made myself stand out. Find a way to stand out, and be an asshole if u have to. Not to girls, but when i say be an asshole i mean, DONT BE A YES MAN, like the person above said. THATS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU SHOULD DO. That person probably has no personality.

Develop some interests, take up a hobby! Preferably something social. Think about what you might be interested in, and give it a go. Karate, photography, a team sport, amateur dramatics - just get out and do something, and not only will you meet people, you'll also have something interesting to talk about.

@samdell: I sympathize, as I'm dealing with a little bit of what you're talking about myself, though it sounds like you might be worse off, and just a few steps away from being a hermit!

The best advice that is working for me is maintaining the pendulum mindset. Right now, our pendulum is pretty far to the one side where we are being almost anti-social. On the other side, is the social genius who knows and is loved by everyone. In order to push that pendulum toward the other side, it's going to take a lot of extreme force. So, you need put forth some extreme effort in socializing and developing interests.

One thing that's helped me was taking "continuing education" classes at the community college where I live at. Make sure it's something social though. It doesn't have to certify you in anything, it can being something like beginner's golf, cooking, rock-climbing, whatever. Taking martial arts, as was suggested earlier, is also an option. Double benefit of being social AND gets you into shape. Museums, free/low-cost classical concerts at your local uni, photography, horse-back riding, astronomy...there's a whole world out there! Also, try MeetUp.com, a social site for finding groups in your area with particular interests.

Another thing to consider is that of depression. If you lack the DESIRE to go out and try new things, you could be depressed and not know it. That's well out of the realm of this forum though....consult a professional if you have doubts.