This post may sound a little depressive, but it is not my intention! Here it goes

Hi there, I'm 20 and have never had a kiss, needless to say I'm virgin. My entire life until some 4 months ago (when I moved) was shit, I've been afraid to talk to and ABOUT girls since I was 12~13. When my friends started to talk about girls I used to be quiet and say nothing about it. I have no experiences in parties or any social things. I have very few friends, few of them are girls. I'm quite shy, and usually talks little with people that is new for me.

I think I really grew here in this new city. I got rid of lots of fears I had, but one thing that is still in my mind is that I feel I was not made to be a social man. I mean, when you say 'party' and 'bear'' and 'girls' to a 20 year-old guy, he usually gets excited and wants to go to the party. I usually get nervous and start to think on excuses for me not to go to the party. Also, I have this stupid feeling that no girl would like to kiss me, that I'm not the kind of man women look for. Physically speaking, I'm skinny, 1,70m 60kg (133lbs) but I dress ok and my face is ok too, in my opinion.

I just thought this little intro was a good way to present myself here. I've been knowing about this PUA thing for some weeks, and I really like the way it works. I laugh with the openers and negs, they must work fantastically! I want to learn from it, but first I think I have to overcome this barrier that kind of blocks me from women, parties, knowing more people, etc. Also I have a quite strong AA.

I don't really know what is this thing I feel, I think it's fear to get out of my comfort zone. Have any of you had something like this, or do you have anything to say that could help me?

Thank you guys!

Ey dude,

Yes, I know where you come from. I used to be exactly like you. Can you give me some background about how you were raised ? Usually that is one of the reasons why you have these social fears. You say that you overcome many fears. This is the proof you can overcome this fear as well. Just stay focus and make a plan to get over your fears. Are you scared to talk about girls with your friends ? Next time you are with your friends and you see a girl you like, tell them: "Wouw, that girl looks amazing.". Just try to do it once. The next time you are with them you do it again. After some time you should be comfortable talking like this all the time. Whenever you want to improve always do it in baby steps. If you want to make a too big jump at once you will drown for sure.

Hey Joshua2,

I'm new to this forum too. I remember being in the same space you're in.

Your belief that you weren't made to be a social man is definitely false. Maybe you weren't RAISED to be a social man (I wasn't) but becoming a social man is possible and less difficult than you imagine.

As for advice: go to parties. For now, cut off the association you probably have of [go to party]-->[game some girls]-->[get laid]. This is probably one cause of your anxiety. You're probably thinking "what if my game sucks?" So take approaching women, gaming, etc. off your plate for now. Have your goal be just [go to a party]-->[look for ways to have fun]. That's it. Just go for the experience. Not only will you probably enjoy yourself more, this will give you a more vivid memory / mental picture of yourself having fun at a party, which will give you more confidence about going out. And that will go a long way in building a desirable personality.

Anyway, those are my two cents.

I agree with DonPUA's advice: expressing how hot a girl is to your friends (male or female) really helps.

Hey guys, thank you for the answers!

I can NOW say to a friend 'oh my, that girl is hot'. I say 'now', because I just couldn't do it before. I can do it with my new friends, here in the new city. When I moved it felt like I could make a new persona since I didn't know anyone here.

A little of my background: Well, while I was a kid my parents tended to fight over and over until they got divorced when I was 16. We never talked about sex or relationships at home, it was kind of like a taboo. I grew up like a nerd, even though I usually went out with my friends, when they were going to parties or to somewhere with girls I preferred to stay home. Also I can't remember to have talked to any girl (voluntarily) from 16 to 19, until I moved.

I said I overcame lots of fears, I remember one day I was coming home and some girls called me and I did as that situation wasn't with me but of course it was, and I got my head down and went inside home. I mean, I was afraid even to look to them. I was afraid of eye-contact, and I can do it easily today.

I feel bad/sad inside when I see someone having a kiss or things related to it. I feel bad because it is so simple to them to do it and it is so hard for me! I get jealous and angry at myself.

You also said about going to parties, yeah, the next party my friends go I'll go too, but I must confess that I'm superb nervous/afraid of it. I mean, I'm shy to dance, to talk. I feel that I'll go there and FREEZE, just like Kosmo in the first ep from PUA section 1. I feel that it'll become really uncomfortable for me. Also I've never drunk for real, so I don't know how it is to get happy by alcohol, I'm also afraid that I may talk and do things that I shouldn't.

Man, that SUCKS!

Thank you again!

Hi Joshua, with regards to your parents and their seemingly repressed attitudes towards relationships / sex, it is a good thing to realise that they programmed this awkward feeling into your mind when you were a young kid - before you had the sense or the "boundary" to tell them where to go.

I applaud you for challenging this shame, which does not really exist outside of your own mind. You can't go on living life through the eyes of a 6 or 7 year old, or whatever age you were when your parents repressed attitudes started to influence you. When you are a young kid your parents are your idea of society. For that reason you don't make the distinction between a fucked up families idea of a something that is shameful and wider society's ideas on that same subject.

I have these issues with shame as well so I empathise with you. I encourage you to make it your number one priority in life to defeat this irrational part of your mind. You deserve relationships as much as anyone else, and shame just does not exist. It is like a rogue computer software programme running inside your head, but you will get over it.

Your personality, your fears, your beliefs, your desires... none of them are you.

You are that which thinks the thoughts.

So start thinking the ones you want, instead of wanting to think about them.

well imo if you don't like going out, don't do it!
most of the girls you meet when going out are the 'party' girls, and if you are not like that it is very difficult to build a long lasting relationship.

just focus yourself on daygame, try to meet girls in bookstores, libraries, coffee shops... it will be much more fun for you! MM (mysterie method) is not the best method for this kind of sarging, i would suggest some work of david de angelo, ross jeffries or RSD

well about your limiting beliefs, i suggest to study some NLP to overcome it since it seems deep-rooted, these limiting beliefs will be gone like snow in the desert with some serious studying of NLP...

And you seem like a very honest nice guy to me when i read you story, change your limiting beliefs, learn some techniques and be honest like that to the ladies and everything will be fine

You can go to parties. You might feel akward going there but if you go out enough the feeling will dissapear at some point. I remember that many years ago I couldn't go out because I felt everyone was looking at me and making fun of me. Of course that was not the case. I just created my own reality and the bad thing was that the reality I created was one that was destroying me. So keep on going out. The more you go out the faster you get over this feeling of awkwardness.

But if you ask me the best way to get over you feelings of shame is to go out ALONE during day. I explicitly highlighted ALONE because you have to realize that you don't need anyone else but yourself to tackle your problems. Once you realize this your confidence will grow even more. I would advice you to pick a city you have never visited before and look for some interesting things to visit there. Once you are there try to ask directions to as many people as possible. Don't think about pickup. You need to get over your social phobia first. You can only get over a phobia by confronting yourself as much as possible with the subject that is causing your phobia. Hope this helps.

You say this very confidently. Do you have any suggestions for books or particular methods of NLP to study? I am currently reading a Paul McKenna book which has some NLP techniques, but it is probably not enough to be called an NLP book.

Regarding one of the other points made above. Wouldn't someone like Eckhart Tolle argue that you are not "that which thinks the thoughts". Rather I take his writing to mean that you are the "being" presence when there are no thoughts.

Well, about going or not going to parties, the thing is, even though I don't feel comfortable on going, this is something I really want to get over! I'm going to college and it'll be like party everyday. I want to at least try it.

DonPua, your advice seems good, I feel kind of awkward when I need to do something alone, some simple thing like going to the bakery to buy bread. I think I'll add your advice to my to-do list. I was also thinking about something near it: What about striking up a conversation with everyone I meet? Not 'everyone', but you get what I mean. I guess this should be good for me to get a little more social and to develop a little my conversation skills.

I'm having some relatives here for the weekend so I can't go out, anyway, a friend of mine told me he is going out for a club tonight and I got a little weird just by it! I keep imagining myself there and in my imagination it is uncomfortable, loud music and dancing feel uncomfortable. And I think what others will (friends included) think about me and that everyone will be looking at me. AAAAAH!

Thank you once more!

Well, believe it or not, we have all had similar experiences. A lot of us (myself included) come from backgrounds where we have been terrible with women. It is possible to learn though. You will find your confidence. Even if it comes from just reading a book about it it feels better to go out and know that you are being prepared. Just remember, the first months of your education doesnt count. So have fun and dont care if you fail or not, it is only important that you play around with the stuff you learn.

A painter dont expect to paint the Mona Lisa first try. He has got to get the right colors and brushes. He has gotta try to mix different colors until he gets it right. And nobody is gonna look at his practice papers and say, hey that sucks...

Same with this art man!

Good luck!

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I'm not trying to be a dick Ezo, but you're being a Pick Up Snob in my opinion.

bbardot: you just reminded me about porn

The phrase about Mona Lisa, that is a beautiful quote, Ezo! Is that yours?

I think this is exactly what I'll try to do. I'll go to some random party with friends and try to have fun. I think I'll have to put my head under alcohol for it, since I'm hella shy to dance, but anyways, I'll give it a try!

The funny thing is, no matter what happens there, I know I'll be fine after because I'll have at least overcome my fear of going there. And that will count for sure.

Thanks!

Just made it up...

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I'm not trying to be a dick Ezo, but you're being a Pick Up Snob in my opinion.

bbardot: you just reminded me about porn

If you think you can just go up to a stranger and start a conversation, even better. I just came up with asking for directions because it would feel more natural and easier for you because you really need to know where you need to go. Sometimes this can make it more easy for you. Of course, if you are capable of just going up to someone and start talking about the wheather, even better. But I read your problems and I doubt you are capable of doing that.