I look at myself in the mirror and see a normal person, not stunningly handsome but I don't think I look freakishly ugly. I never thought of myself as incredibly smart, but I'm knowledgeable about the news of the day and pro sports. I'm going after a career in IT, so I know a lot about computers, but it's not exactly what I'd call a hobby. I've traveled throughout Europe and Asia for most of the past decade; I've only lived in the USA for two years out of the '00s. I'm conscious about hygiene; women frequently compliment me on my cologne or my hairstyle.

So currently I'm unemployed, and my girlfriend is I-don't-know-where right now, after we finished a pointless argument. I spent a year searching for jobs and going to interviews, with no luck. I was in the military for many years, and I didn't develop a lasting friendship with anyone. My last moments in the military were incredibly hostile and I was hated by every one of my colleagues. I have a sour relationship with my entire family.

I don't care about women necessarily.. my virginity was a very long time ago, and I've had sex with dozens of women. My problem is having meaningful interaction with people in general.

I notice that when I talk on the phone with a stranger-- such as HRO for a job prospect-- the tone of their voice gets angrier and angrier the longer our conversation goes on, and by the time that we hang up, we're almost fighting. I'm in a college class right now, and most of the classmates--even in group projects-- avoid me like I'm diseased. Before I was thrown out of the military, I got into shouting arguments that nearly escalated into fights, over things like where I parked my car, or arriving to work 2 minutes late.

I can't figure out what's wrong with me or how I ended up here. I don't know if it's because of my race, or my face, or my voice or my personality. From my point of view, it looks like I've just had a lot of bad luck and met a lot of awful people.. but I've kind of had a problem with connecting with people for the most of my life. Am I the asshole and just don't know it?

All that I know or care about is, it really feels like I have one foot in homelessness. If my schooling doesn't work out (and that itself is a strange situation.. but that's another topic), I'm basically alone with nobody to rely on and no place to stay. I don't want to end up like this. I want an IT-related degree. I always wanted to do IT work in the defense contractor industry. I want to be liked and respected by the people that I interact with.

Basically, in the interest of my survival, I need to fix my personality somehow so I don't repulse every person that I meet. I ignored it when I had a roof over my head and stable income, but now that those are gone, that's my #1 priority in life.

Any advice?

don't be so hard on yourself, start putting in place the things you want to become, they'll eventually become habit

JC88, if you're still on the forum somewhere, I'd really recommend you read the book "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. If you take those words to heart, it will change your life.

Regarding you being an asshole, I can't be the judge of it, but given the way you've described your social life, while you may not have started all those arguments, you definitely could've prevented them from escalating. It takes two to get into an argument.

Growing up in a dysfunctional family myself, I witnessed on a daily basis the conflicts between my family members, often leading to fights and tears, and so growing up, I put a conscious effort to avoid getting into the circumstances where an argument could even occur. Taking preemptive action basically, and then being empathetic when the other person seems upset.

If you can follow these few steps, and then make an effort to meet new people with the lessons you get, I am certain that you will begin encountering the right people in life. It's never too late, and you're certainly never too old.

Good luck,
Mike

Your personality isnt ruining your life. Your JUDGEMENTS of your personality are ruining it. On a deep unconscious level which you arent aware of you see your personality as a bad one. On a conscious level you try to change but feel a very heavy amount of resistance. Your unconscious mind is way more powerful than your conscious mind. You get people to get angry on a level you arent aware of. YOu DONT like it but your unconscious mind does therefore it resists change.

Look, im not gonna pussyfoot around or beat around the bush but if you really want to change your life situation you should definiteley get this book. Eckhart Tolles The Power Of Now. This is my second time reading the book. The first time I just read it for shits and gigs not really applying any of the shit in my everyday life. Now, the second time I am actually applying all of the principles in my evryday life and am seeing a HUGE difference in my thought patterns, emotions, and overall state of well being.

Did I say that its been only 3 days that ive been applying these teachings? Thats right. If you dont believe me try it out for yourself and see the profound difference in your life.


Take care & good luck.

Your friend,

-Msquared;]

Seriously...

Firstly, see a doctor you maybe clinically depressed and then see a counsellor as you seem to be on a very self destructive path. I highly recommend the counsellor route as just a single hour session with one reduced my stress levels considerably and helped me focus when I was at my most vulnerable ever.Anger is an energy which you MUST use constructively and sometimes you just need someone else to guide you in using that energy. my first instinct is that you need some discipline like self defence or yoga to channel this energy.

Secondly, find out what your options are IF the worse come to the worse.

I strongly suspect that you think and feel that life must be fair - sorry but it isn't. Embrace life and all it's shit and get on with sorting things out

"From my point of view, it looks like I've just had a lot of bad luck and met a lot of awful people.. but I've kind of had a problem with connecting with people for the most of my life. "

I think you need to look at rethinking and reframing this.
Chance favors the prepared mind - Louis Pasteur...to a certain extent we can create our own luck in the world. There are always areas of life you can improve - even if it's just 1% it will help.
Regarding connecting with people - keep trying , do NOT give up. I feel like this at times...and after seeing a counsellor it became obvious where I was going wrong socially (for me - too much in depth negative talking was putting people off). Learn to talk less - it's really weird but people appreciate listeners more than talkers.

It's a cliche but you really have to learn to love yourself - when you are on your own it is ESSENTIAL.

"Am I the asshole and just don't know it?" Not likely as you do have self awareness. If you're aware of something you can take steps to change things

I really, really appreciate all of your responses. I'll definitely read the books recommended in this thread.

Like I alluded to, I barely have income right now, so counseling and other things that cost money are kind of out of the question. I tried counseling last year, but the sessions were listening-only and they didn't help. But I'll definitely look into any resources that are free or available at libraries.

May I also suggest a new career path something like teaching or some other kind of government jobs (I dont know where you live) there pretty much recession proof.