Well last night my younger bro, he's more comfortable to talking to girls than me and more social in general, invited me to a party. I got so fucking scared, shit! He told me that there will be alcohol, hookah, and of course girls in the party.

He was like to me, yo bro you wanna go to a party? "Cause honestly I felt sorry for you, because you just stay home all day, all week." It's so true.

I said no, my excuse was, "I really want to practice this song that I'm learning."

NO it wasn't the fact that I had so great of a desire of practicing a song, but it was my fear. When he said those to me and tried to convinced me, I wanted to say to him "I'm scared of hot chicks... " I seriously wanted to cry after that in front of him but didn't.

I still remember going to the after prom party during my high school senior year just because at least 3 quarters of the class went. It was so big, we had a whole field to use, no lie. There were a lot of girls in my class that I had crushes on and just wanted to bang.

I remember bringing my guitar in there. Playing a music instrument is such a big comfort for me. So during the party I was so scared to have fun, I did get drunk but the social anxiety got the best of me. Basically the only guy that I felt comfortable with was the person who invited me.

Good thing I had my cards with me. The party extended outside this huge barn, outside were more quiet poeple. So I did a lot of tricks, they were good, my audience were really blown away.

Even that I was so petrified, I felt so frozen, I didn't talk to any girls. Not even to the other guys except when playing the guitar and magic and when somebody came up to me. I felt ignored, felt not liked, felt wierd, felt like an alien. urghh.

This feeling and the memory came back to me like I was just there yesterday at the party. Like right now as I'm typing this my heart is beating just a little faster than normal.

In high school, I was so scared of talking to people. I know my class liked me and didn't hate me. But my class saw me as the goofy Asian-clown.
And still in college, I am so fucking scared! So please help me!!!

thanks,
rap

_________________
newborn feeling good!
"[One of] the biggest risk in your life is the risk you don't take" - some guy on MTV's Jersey Shore

Okay I see your problem but I don't get what's causing it.
You have never been flaked by anyone , you say nobody hates you so what's the deal?If you're uncomfortable around people in general just do the following:
- Start greeting neighbours and have a small chat with them about anything !
- Meet new male friends , chat about anything.This may reduce your anxiety as I assume that you're a straight guy so normally you won't 'need' anything from them like you would want sex from girls.
- If this all goes well start opening HB1 - HB5 in most cases you won't be sexually attracted to them so the anxiety should be less
- Then start to open anyone HB10's just anyone you want and you'll be fine.

People that have AA should work in small steps , don't go for the halfcourt shot right away , take some lay-ups , occasionally a mid-range jumper and when you master those you can start shooting " pointers if you get what I mean.

Best of luck ! Keep me updated.

Hi Rap2010,

I can totally relate to what you've said. I was the same in my teens and 20s I was petrified of talking to people in general let alone girls! Any party I was invited to and they were really few as my social circle was non-existent, I used to stay in the kitchen and drink until I got drunk.

I believe you maybe doing what I used to do a lot... you are projecting your fears on to other people. You are essentially saying that they can read you and your feelings. I kind of get the impression you don't want to speak to people as you'll feel foolish and if it goes bad everyone will find out and your life will be hell. I've been in that mindstate. Other people are not super-powered and here's the big thing they do NOT care. Most people are so wrapped up in their own lives they do not even notice things let alone care.

Gameison gave good advice, just start small and get used to talking to people even if it's just Hi.

Here's another piece of advice which is good - and you do not even need to speak to anybody. Go out to a busy place and observe people. Watch what they do how they interact and you will see how busy and oblivious people are.

thanks guys, I appreciate this a lot.
It's so hard.

_________________
newborn feeling good!
"[One of] the biggest risk in your life is the risk you don't take" - some guy on MTV's Jersey Shore

Listen: when you go out, do you go out thinking "I'm gonna have a good time", or "I don't care if I have a good time, but someone else will." ?

What if you see a gorgeous woman and you wanna talk to her, but you say "Oh, I don't wanna bother her" or "I don't wanna waste her time."

It's David X's rule number one: WHO CARES what they think? Who the fuck is they? This is a woman you will never see again in fourteen lifetimes, and you worry that she's gonna think you're a prick?

We're so afraid of the word selfish. I'm not selling any fish. We are afraid to acknowledge that we want and truly deserve to have a good time.

I have to be honest with you, I know exactly how you're feeling. When I was younger I stayed home all week long because I was embarrased. I tought people would see me as an anti-social freak who plays video-games and is overweight.

But you see, EVERY SINGLE FEAR that you could have when it comes to picking up women goes back to rule number 1.

Let me ask you something: when you see a woman, what prevents you from telling her how mesmerized you are by her boobs?

"Oh, I can't tell her that, what if she thinks - - - " FORGET IT.
You see: You're thinking what THEY're thinking.

"Can I play with one and hang my jacket on the other?"
Why not tell her that? What's she gonna think? that I'm a pervert? HELLO? I am! Never deny anything.

In order to get rid of this fear, or at least minimize it dramatically, make sure you never forget rule #1.

I like David X there's something really exciting about the ultra-direct approach - it's kind of sociopathic but in the best sense.

yes that is so right i'll have to keep that in mind, BE FRIENDLY and just say HI to everybody.
okay here's an update this sunday coming up, I'm going clubbing with my brother and with his friends. I never been to a club before, so I'm kinda anxious about it. I'm also worried that I'm not get along with my brother's friends too as in common interests. But I know I'll be fine. I guess what I'm worried about are the girls in there haha.
Do the PUA lines really work? I mean i'm a beginner so I'm really worried about of what I'm going to say when I wanna meet that girl or who ever.
For some reason, writing in this forum makes me feel like I really want to go or feel like 'I can do it' attitude.
But yea any tips?

_________________
newborn feeling good!
"[One of] the biggest risk in your life is the risk you don't take" - some guy on MTV's Jersey Shore

Walk your ass into that club like you own the damn place. Lead your brother and his friends to the bar, get you and the boys a round of something manly. If the barkeep is a female ask her to pour one for herself. "No thank you" she says? Say "pour it anyways i will have a double." Make your voice boom and wink at her. Fuck it if she is a hideous troll.

Force a smile the whole time. Your body responds chemically to smiling and you will feel better. Get tipsy, but not drunk so you think less about the awkward moments that come up. They will come up. A club is an unforgiving place for a beginner. You sound like a musician from your posts and name so when a popular song get going I would just freaking start singing along at the top of my lungs. Just have a good time. Remember fuck everyone else in that club.

_________________
*new to the game but looking for fame*

Plus why dont you talk to your bro and ask him how he goes abotu getting women. Better yet, make him be your wing for the night.

Dude.

Forget pickup. Forget lines. Forget negs, dhv, a1-3, etc. You need to learn to be comfortable in social situations: relaxed, open, confident, decisive, fearless.

Good advice by Alex Ramones and skypirate1965. Sean Messenger had a REALLY good podcast about social anxiety. See if you can find it somewhere.

With SA, you need to start small. If just the thought of going into a club makes you antsy, hold off on going clubbing for now. Here are a few little exercises you can do:

• Whenever you're walking (down the street, on campus, wherever), keep your face in just a slight smile, non-threatening and friendly. Maintain eye contact with everyone you pass until they a) look away/walk by or b) say hello, in which case you can say hi back. You have nothing to lose. In the 0.01% chance that the person is a COMPLETE sociopath, you might get a negative reaction. I never have.
  
  First opportunity you get in the day, go somewhere with a lot of people (coffee shop, campus center, etc) and START a conversation with someone. Eventually, if you get into a familiar routine, you might even see someone on a regular basis.
  
  Agree with everyone. You don't have to personally change your views on things, but conversation goes a lot smoother when you validate the other person's opinion, even if you don't agree. "Oh that's cool, I never thought of it that way..." "Yeah, I see what you're saying there..."
  
  Active listening and mirroring. These two terms are worth gogling and reading about. Tony Robbins has a good bit about mirroring.

EndersGame is right about smiling. Do that. A lot. Consider it a free service you're providing to anyone and everyone in the world.

Physiology has a big effect on psychology. Read the chapter in The Game (read the whole book if you haven't) where Style is studying Alexander technique, how to walk, and modeling body language after certain actors. It describes a perfect walk for building confidence. Alternatively, walk like you're wearing a cape. Seriously, just do it. It works.

Once you can move with confidence and approach/engage strangers with ease, just remember:

• On a scale from pulseless to jittery, be nonreactive. You don't have to look when every new person walks in the room or if a glass shatters or whatever.
  
  Be non-needy. The fate of the entire human race does NOT rest on whether or not some one random person likes you.
  
  It IS possible, with practice, for you to become a complete social ANIMAL, so keep at it.
  
  Best advice I've ever received: What other people think of you is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. So chill out about it, and live your life

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Live Your Truth.

man... I was all excited for this tonight. But my brother's friend bailed out, so now he doesn't want to go. I was so ready! I guess I'm gonna have to do it in Boston. I was even researching how to dance and not embarrass your self. I love dancing haha, that may sound gay, I think it's fun when you're in a mood. I was just gonna go tonight and have fun dancing. What a disappointment.
Thanks for the support.

_________________
newborn feeling good!
"[One of] the biggest risk in your life is the risk you don't take" - some guy on MTV's Jersey Shore

Absolutely nothing gay about loving to dance. Now that you are free of the club I would suggest trying the newbie game. Heard of it? I would suggest going with your brother to the local mall or something and withdraw a hundred dollars from an SPAM each. From there you and your brother scout out sets or individual girls and approach them. Take turns doing the approaching, if you chicken out your brother get 20 bucks, if your bro chickens out you get 20 bucks. That is 5 approaches each to get your mula back. It's fun and will really help with AA, do it as many times as you wish.

_________________
*new to the game but looking for fame*

Dude, time for some common sense.

What do you think the point of parties are?
It's definitely not to impress others, like you tried to do.

It's not about showing off and being the coolest guy.

If you try to do those, you will never be comfortable b/c your motivations are your insecurities.


The point of partying is to HAVE FUN. YES. Instead of focusing on "what do I say do make these people like me" and "what do i NEED to do"

focus on "I am having fun" "what do i WANT to do" "I like making friends with people."


b/c honestly, people aren't all that cool. they all have small insecurities like you. it's just some people accept their problems and move on with life, being able to talk with other people as where other people feel like they need to be perfect to be able to make friends.


AA comes from misconceptions and a tid bit of a lack of experience. fix those two things and you're set.

<33

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http://highschoolpuas.proboards.com

http://highschoolpuas.proboards.com

Grape's eBook of 2009 (71 pages of useful information) http://www.scribd.com/doc/24523878/Grap ... ok-of-2009

okay my brother found another person to go instead. So I went. I was anxious and nervous going in line of the club but I was ready to take this experience. For the first time of going to a club wasn't that bad I guess.

For half of the time we were in there, we three had a hard time looking for girls to dance with. So what we did was to spread around the club and just walked around. That was the bad part, we circled thru out the whole club over and over again. So I was just like fuck it, w.e I started asking a few girls for a dance but no I got rejected. That was cool, no hard feelings. Still walking around and coming back to the dance floor, I had a smile and that fake confidence and I tapped a girl, I looked at her and just pointed at her and me with a smile. So yea I danced with her... haha hooo!

I danced with three different girls that night, but I felt like I could've had more. The dances didn't have any game of pick up at all. But I just thanked the girls who I dance with and we both left. Even though it was only three, I thought that was fun and exciting dancing with pretty girls in front of me and holding her hips was
crazy for me to do haha.

The club had a bar, dance floor, pool talbes and very small lounge area. I did two approaches that I tried gaming. One was these two girls just standing just outside of the dance floor. They looked bored so I commented about that. We couldn't really hear each other but I gave them a high five and left to avoid being a good of and and awkwardness.

The other was. Me and my brother got tired of walking around haha so we just sat. Then this hot chick walked by and I was like. "Excuse me, I have a question" She stopped but her friend just kept on walking didn't realized that she stopped. I gave her a high five, and grabbed her hand to bring her closer to me so we could talked. I only said, "I think you're pretty" impulsively because I didn't know what to say. She smiled but she left fight after that. That was kinda frustrating. Again I didn't take it personal which is good.

Besides interacting with a lot of girls, I didn't really get to practice picking up game. I wish I could have done more. I remember when I was walking around all I wanted to do was to open a set, but didn't. I also remember eye-ing on girls I wanna talk to but didn't. I had approach anxiety thinking about picking up, following the method, and using lines for the whole time. Overall I think this was not a good progress, but it is something in experience. I still want to get better. I really have to do the newbie mission to get more used to it.

Interacting with girls was fun and would go to a club with out hesitation like I had before. I can't wait till I move to boston where I'm free to go out anywhere because of the commuter system, so I could go out more.
Thanks!

_________________
newborn feeling good!
"[One of] the biggest risk in your life is the risk you don't take" - some guy on MTV's Jersey Shore

Dude if this is the really your first time going to a club i need to congradulate you.Why because i've been to clubs countless times and i've never even gotten close to the success you had.

Everytime i go to the clubs with a few of my buddies we would alwasys stick together and dance together on the floor in a circle.Sure there would be occasions when another set of hbs are dancing close to us and even our bodies would accidentally touch when there are lot of people.But i never got pass the part of actually asking them, let alone tap them on the shoulder and see if they want to dance phase.

I always thought touching was the next step in pick up after getting over the intial phase of having the courage to talk to them first.but maybe thats just my perception.Anyways i think your already doing alot better then me.i probably need help more then you.but i guess thats what this forum is all about.Guys sharing tips and strategies and experiences to griow and make us the best that we can be.

I suffer from a lot AA and tend to overthink and overanalyse what others say.At parties not knowing what to say to strangers is a given.Even sometimes thinking of stuff to say to people i already know is difficult.But looking at your post gives me alittle bit of inspiration.Maybe i'll try to do what u did the next time when i go to a club.