Hello from Germany guys,
im not too confident with my english, but i'll give my best:
Im soon to be 22 years old. Until i was like 17 my life consisted of nothing but videogaming. One day i noticed, that this was not what i wanted. So i tried to change.
And i did change, i evolved into some better person. I thought i had a real life. I was quite happy with what i had, except for the fact that i had no girlfriend. I still played videogames but nowhere near obsessive as before. Shortly before i became 21 i started my new job. I had to go to university to study and so i got in contact with new ppl. Suddenly, 2 girls went for me. I liked both so i had to "pick" one.
And bam, i suddenly had a girlfriend. It was actually pretty easy, i didnt have to do a thing. I was like... the most happy guy in the whole universe. I thought i had everything..
I thought i had friends, i thought i had a wonderful job, i finally had a girlfriend. From one day to another, it was like all my dreams in life had become true. I was truly happy for the first time in my life. It was a thrilling experience. I had no wishes left. I felt like i had finally reached the goal that i had always been looking at, and somehow i had the naive thought that i would be able to live a happy life from now on....
As you guys can imagine, something went wrong. I now know, that my Girlfriend was the worst LSE girl you can imagine. I dont wanna go too heavy into details, but one day she was a pure angel, and the other day i was fighting the devil.
She manipulated me so bad, that i had to pull the brake. After an arguement, she we didnt talk for like a month.
Then her birthday came. I was visiting her, she was still my gf after all. But i wanted to talk about our problems. One problem was, that she was planning a holiday trip with her "best friend" (Who is hitting on her, which she knows). I didnt want that, and i already had told her before. I didnt want to keep beeing the one who has to endure everything in this relationship without saying anything when i dont want something.
She was like "i dont care, i promised him a while ago, before i even knew you" and so i quit the relationship...
Since we go to the same university, i was like "maybe... we just need a break, im gonna try to talk to her, once the next lessons started (which was in 2 months)"
Well to keep it short: When she came back from the trip, she was like "im gonna hit on you, once university starts" and i thought ok, lets see.. when university did start, she totally ignored me, and told me she had a new boyfriend.
This was the most... scarring moment in my life. I was totally devasted. For more than a month ive been crying every single day. I just loved her too much.
Then i started to work on myself, get more confident, get the thought in my head that there are more and better women than her in the world, and that i could make it. This has been 3 months ago. I see her everyday in university and im suffering hell. She's now provoking me everyday, telling everyone that her new bf is sooo great and that ive been the worst failure in her life.
Im trying not to let this near me, my goal was clear i want a new girlfriiend and i want to work on myself. But now, suddenly, some just terrible thought came into my mind.
Im a "quite" social guy by now, i dont play videogames anymore ... ive got many many female friends in university and at my work place, my best friend is a girl too, so you could say im quite confident around girls i know... BUT:
For the 4, nearly 5 years since my "TOTAL-geek"-time, i just noticed, ive not been able to make ANY REAL new friends AT ALL ! which is.. just horrifying.
I only have 2 real male friends and 1 real female friend. All other friends i have, are either friends of my friends, or from work/university BUT i nearly dont hang out with them AT ALL. Im trying, but they never really have time, or just want to go out in groups. Its like i cant "bind" ppl to myself. I cant make new friends.
This is something i just noticed moments ago... i cant make friends.
Im actually a bit shocked right now and dont know what more to say.
Maybe someone can help me? I would be happy if i had a new girlfriend, but i guess having some more friends cant be wrong. And i think i definately need more MALE friends too. But i dont know how...
If anyone understands my bad german-english
and did read all of this crap and is able to help me, i would really really appreciate it. Im quite devastated right now.
Thank you so much.
CHAT