Every get nervous when you see a beautiful woman, and think, "I should go talk to her?"
If you said no, you're a damn liar. Or a sociopath.
It's not a terrible thing. Nervousness and excitement are roughly the same physical process, but the problem is, no matter what you call it, it's a physical thing. You can't THINK your way out of not feeling nervous. You can't even just "plough" through it.
In fact, approaching women when you are feeling nervous (the classic "PUA" advice of "approach 1000 sets and run your routines"), is the WORST thing you can do to control approach anxiety, because what you are doing on a scientific and psychological level is anchoring an ACTION (approaching women) to a NEGATIVE FEELING (nervousness and fear).
In other words, when you approach women when you are feeling really nervous, you are MAKING IT WORSE. You are constantly reminding your mind that approaching beautiful girls is something to fear, and every time you do it, you fear it more.
Classic pickup is all designed to give you things to do so you can APPEAR confident and calm even when you are totally terrified. And that's why you rarely see a "PUA" keep a girl, even a great girl, for more than a night, because being around her is always anchored to feeling NERVOUS.
Wouldn't it be nice if you could feel like the REAL naturals do? Wouldn't it be a helluva lot easier to have no fear, no nervousness, no anxiety when you approach a beautiful girl? Wouldn't it be a whole lot easier to think of things to say if you were totally calm?
It is. And, in the words of Yoda, YOU WILL BE.
Just read on, my friend.
Hey Sean,
God damn it, I'm struggling with approach anxiety. I have opportunities to do/say something and I can't. I really want to go up to a girl and use the sincere direct compliment you teach in the UCP as it seems perfect. It's straight to the point, doesn't beat around the bush and neither person's time is wasted.
Today I thought it through and I got a lot of positive visuals - most people with AA who can't approach girls get negative visuals. Whereas all of mine were positive, I saw the girl saying a variation of 'oh my god thank you', blushing, their eyes lighting up. And yet I was sitting down and this really cute girl walks past and I couldn't say anything. A reasonably cute girl sits next to me and I thought 'right I'm going to ask how her day was' but she started using a pda so I didn't. It's weird when I've got AA in my head I 'know' if I'm going to approach or not. It's weird, if I get that feeling then I know eventually I will actually do it.
So I failed, so went into the city and wandered around trying to muster up the couirage, couldn't do it. I walked past at least 6 super-cute girls, and at least 20-30 very cute girls. I even had a couple of drinks and that didn't work. Part of it was because there were a lot of people around yet at one point a girl came up to the low wall that I was sitting beside and was rummaging through her bag. Perfect opportunity but I literally started to shake, my heart pounded and I even ran my hand through my hair which is a habit when I'm stressed. And the more I tried to will myself the worse it got.
I did have one tiny thing that made me perk up just a bit. I looked at a girl on the train and she gave me a small smile (which I usually assume to be polite, but probably just shy) then kept her eyes on me for roughly 2 seconds before looking away. She was getting off though so couldn't do anything.
It's just frustrating I see it going so well in my head and it's just a few words. Hell I could even say 'wow' then wait till I have their attention then finish with 'you're really cute'. It's short and sweet lol.
Sean, when you were overcoming your anxiety did it come naturally as you did the exercises? Or did you have to overcome massive hurdles still? Like shaking when you try and will yourself to make a move...
- M, UK"
I feel your pain, bro. It's an annoying, annoying thing when you know girls are there, when you know what to say, when you can even SEE it in your mind, and you still can't make a move.
I'll confess. I felt this way every single day, EVEN when I was teaching pickup bootcamps. That's why PUAs burn out so fast, because they are living in a world of constant stress and fear.
And that's why I got out, and started a search to find a better way. I tried everything the "pickup" world had to teach, and nothing changed that basic issue of "I want to talk to her, but this fear is still there."
Good news. I FIXED IT, and I'm teaching it all, intenstively, in the UCP and the upcoming PSP Bootcamp.
But this stuff is so necessary, I'm not even going to charge for it. I'm going to share the fundamentals with you. Here's how you start.
Next time you see a girl you want to approach, turn away from her.
Now just breathe 3 times. But do it this way. Breathe down into your belly, all the way down to your perineum, filling your belly down and out. Inhale for a count of 7. Then gently hold that breath for a count of 7 (gently!), and finally, exhale, pushing the air from the perineum on up, and pulling your belly back in like you are pulling your navel back against your spine.
Think of your perineum working like a pump. You pull down with it to fill your body with oxygen on the inhale, and push it up to expel the carbon dioxide on the exhale. It should feel a bit like a syringe filling and emptying. This will flush your system with extra oxygen, which you give you a feeling of calm, and give you something to focus on other than the pernicious "what am I gonna say?"
Once you've done this, let that glow spread a bit. Practice this in private a few times first to get the feel. Then simply walk up to that girl and just start a conversation in an appropriate, non-threatening manner. I like, "excuse me, but I saw you here and I had to come meet you. My name's Sean."
When you get in the habit of approaching women from a calm state, all the clever, funny, sexy lines just flow, and suddenly she is more invested in the conversation, and you don't have to struggle for ways to impress her.
Truth it, you already impressed the hell out of her just by walking up to meet her WITHOUT using some cheesy line or trick, and did it all while being calm, confident, and cute.
And there's tons more where that came from in the UCP Bootcamp, "Build Confidence," including some ancient breathing techniques that have been applied to meeting women for the very first time, and will totally change the way you feel when you approach women.
Because it's almost Xmas, and I need to get off that naughty list and do something nice, I'm going to GIVE you my most popular podclass, and the one that will take you step-by-step through a powerful technique to totally eliminate Approach Anxiety, just out of pure Love. Go now and listen to "The Alpha Dog" here, and let me know what you think:
http://www.websitetoolbox.com/tool/post ... id=3174183
Love,
Sean
P.S. Mark the date on your calendar, cos I'm returning to Amsterdam (site of the place where I made a beautiful female TV presenter go totally blissed with love, on stage, and on camera, with nothing but eye contact, breath, and words), to share the secrets of that powerful technique and more, in-class AND in-field, at the first ever PSP Bootcamp! The dates are set: May 8-10. You can't reserve your spot yet, but keep your eyes open, because we're going to have a bunch of free online seminars in January, and if you are lucky enough to get a spot in them, you'll get your chance to get one of the 19 spots available.
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Sean Messenger is the founder of LVo3, and an expert in teaching men and women how to train their bodies, minds, and spirits how to meet, date, seduce, and Love the partners of their dreams. He has been teaching and training people in all areas from athletics to online systems to professional pickup for 20 years. He's also been completely girl-crazy and learning about seduction for over 25 years. His professional experience in publishing at The New England Journal of Medicine and Stanford University gives him a strong background in Western science, and combined with 25 years of training in athletics, physical training, and more recently, meditation and yoga, gives him a unique perspective on how to overcome the limitations of the mind that prevent people from having healthy, fun, loving sexual relationships.
To learn more about Sean and LVo3, please visit:
http://lvo3.com
CHAT