When I am in social situations I have the tendency to freeze up and go quiet, and according to some people I look/seem withdrawn (like am thinking elsewhere). I must admit that when im in these social situations I focus on the myself (i.e. Whether I look ok, what are people thinking of me, do I look withdrawn now, are they noticing how quiet I am etc) probably the reason why I look withdrawn as I dont focus on, what the people are saying to me or anything, am focusing on what i should say to people and how I am being percieved by them.

Another reason I stay quiet is because when I do try to socialise my voice goes very quiet, people sometimes struggle to hear what I say because of it which makes it a bit difficult to build good rapport and also puts me off trying to make conversation with people.

This makes me realise, that this is a major whole in my game, as HB's and friends alike will just percieve you as weak/weirdo or as one of the sisters of a HB i met said "your a nice guy, but your too quiet and you look withdrawn - I told my sister I think your no good for her" and "your a nice guy but there's something I dont like about you - your too withdrawn its like your thinking elsewhere". These comments are so debilitating and becoming too much of an often thing, I need to get over this and would appreciate some advice or recommendations to do so?

Is there any way you can shape your voice so you can still project it loudly and confident enough for people to hear? How can I stop feeling or looking withdrawn in these social situations?

Work on your confidence. As well as work on socializing more as well. Chit chat with random people when your out and about.

I'm totally new here, so I'm hardly qualified to give a decent answer. But I do have social shyness. I identify with much of what you are saying. Have you thought of having specific voice coaching? That might be all it takes to give you the confidence to project your voice. Social Anxiety is quite debilitating; you could also speak to a psychologist.

As an aside, when I am with someone one on one I'm usually fine but the minute I'm thrown in with a bunch I'll just shy away to the background mentally and I'm constantly thinking about what people are thinking about the way I act or what I say. I bought several books on the subject from the self-help section of my local major bookstore; certainly worthwhile.

I'm just like you...always the quiet, reserved type. Next time I'm out I'm going to try adjusting my frame to what Mystery said in the show..."From now on you are a 10, nobody is better than you..." I think it will help as long as I can keep my frame centered on that...it might help you as well.

First and formost, you need to understand that people are spending most of their time engaged in the conversation, or they are thinking about themselves. The people in the conversation honestly dont care how you look, unless its painfully obvious there is something odd going on.

Your spending way too much time thinking about how others percieve you when it doesnt really matter that much anyways. You should spend some time doing some inner game work. The real problem here is YOU dont think you look or sound good enough for the people your talking to.

I used to have this problem too, sometimes when I'm tired or feeling lazy I still regress into old habbits. Here are a few things I use to get my confidence up and start feeling good.

As soon as you find yourself in a social situation, put the biggest smile on your face. It doesnt matter if it looks super fake. The simple act of smiling will release chemcials into your blood that will make you feel good. Eventually that fake smile, turns into a real one. Trust me... it works!

Another thing you need to start doing as of today is cut out the negative self talk. Whenever you catch yourself thinking negatively, stop what your doing... or what your saying... and concentrate on replacing that negative thought with a positive one. For example:

you think "everyone must think im too quiet"
you reframe that into "I'm a good listener"

Not a very good example, but you get the idea.

Be sure not to reframe negative behaviours into positives though, as that will cause more problems (I'm guilty of this one).

It will take alot of self policing and you will need to be more aware of how you feel and think, but it is well worth it.

Hope that helps.... this information changed me for sure.

Disregard Stringers advice, you do NOT need to see a psychologist because you have social shyness. That implies that there is something wrong with you. Stop taking yourself so seriously and just be. Be who you are, stop thinking you need to compete, and be your geniune self. Have you given thought to mabye you don't like huge social gatherings? Or mabye you don't like the people you hang out with that much. Who knows. All I'm saying is don't sweat it, but if you're uncomfortable with your social circle, then mabye find a new one whose company you enjoy.

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"Who the f**k is Fanning?"

If u cant be yourself around the people you chill with.. find new people to chill with. or try nd join in and steer the conversation towards something u feel comfortable talking about

You behave the way you feel. If you feel shy and withdrawn thats the way that you will come across as. People can read body language really well (or at least reasonably well) and I hear girls are especially good at this. One of the most interesting things I've heard about voice projection which you seem to be convinced to be the solution to your problems is that if you are respected/interesting or whatever (basically desirable to talk to in the most general sense) then people, no matter how loud or rowdy will shut up and listen to you. I've experienced this on a few occasions and I can tell you that this its an incredibly powerful feeling. The ability to say something without feeling the need to force your opinion being heard and then seeing everyone listening to you intently. The solution is outlined in the post "How to overcome Social Shyness - How i did it" by C.K. have a read... it's a great post.

As for the advice as to what to do in this particular situation well. I would now say this to the sister "thank you for talking about me behind my back, you're a good person". Personally I wouldn't appreciate someone doing this to me. She's a bitch for doing it I think. If the HB came to her sister for advice then thats a different story, but what she did is low.

Hi

You can do all the voice exercises you like but it does not address the underlying issue. I help so many people like this to actually address the internal issues of why you act in a certain way.

You have to realise that the only thing that changes is you are your reactions. Why are you calm in your house for example, but nervous in a social situation? The only thing that has changed is the location.

I am going to write a lot of posts about things like this as I think it is very important.

Most people's way of getting over AA is to make lots of approaches, trust me this is not the best way to do it.

Matt

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London based hypnotherapist. I can help you with gaining confidence with women and social situations. Get in contact for more information.

For an interview chat with one of my clients click www.realworldhypnotherapy.com

What is then Matt? I'm brand new to PU and I suffer from social shyness to an extent I'm pretty sure I'll suffer AA too when it comes to going "in the field". (I hate that term, its far too war like!)