I've been thinking about this for a while, and thought I'd share this; something finally clicked in my head, and as someone who has AA, I think this may help people see things a little differently. First, here is a little bit about myself:

First, and foremost, I'm NOT a "guru;" I'm still working out my issues, and I'm still reading "material" on how to overcome my AA. I'm 28 yrs. old, in college, still live at home, and STUTTER (yes, like the cartoon pig on tv.) I was a loser in HS, got beat up a lot, and made fun of; I was a virgin until I was 19, and had (still kind of have) low self-esteem. I'm better than I was, but not where I want to be, and decided to make a change. My first step - I started to see a Psychologist about my anxiety and to help work though some issues. If you're really having an issue, I suggest seeing one, it DOES help.

Anyways, back on topic: Why On-line dating is not a substitute to actually approaching.

You have my life story, so if you're like me, you probably find comfort, and solace, with just sitting behind a keyboard trying to pick up girls. You, like me, thought of all the positive aspects of it: you're not face to face with her, it's much less awkward, you can think for a long time about what you want to say to try to make it perfect (for me, it eliminates the possibility of stuttering), and you can't really get rejected. How can you get "rejected" sitting behind a keyboard? Your confidence is tenfold, you're the man; you feel free to "approach" any woman you want to. Ok, lets do this!!!

Your next step if to setup your profile; you spend hours, and maybe even days trying to type of the BEST profile in the world. You lookup guys on the site to try to mimic what they have, you scour every PUA forum you can trying to get examples, and you're only a few more sentences away from becoming the guy from the Dos Equis commercial. You scour your FB, phone, and camera for the BEST pic's of you; hell, you may even take a couple new ones just to be safe. You're now convinced you have the BEST profile, and you're ready to start reeling in all the HB's on the internet. You might as well clear your calendar now, bc you're going to be busy banging them for a while!

You see a HB10 you want to contact, and you open up the "new message" box; the cursor is blinking - ok, now what do you say? You have no idea, do you? Let's just try "hi," and see what happens. You send the message, check back a hour later, and you see the dreaded "read/deleted" status. Wow, she didn't even say "hi" back. Let's try again. You scour the site finding a bunch of HB's to e-mail. You try sending them all kinds of messages; some you comment their profile, some you send jokes, some you try to be sincere, some are canned messages you found on the forum. You go on doing this for a week, and end up sending 35 messages in 7 days; 5 respond back to you (that's being generous), 10 say "read", 10 say "read/deleted," and 10 say "not yet read.". Congratulations, you've just been REJECTED 30 times. 30 women read your message, and/or look at your profile, and/or looked at you pic's, and rejected you. Hell, 10 of them just rejected you without even seeing what you had to say (yes I know that there are some women who get inundated with messages that they just don't reads b/c there're too many). How's you self-esteem and confidence now? You feeling like a loser again yet?

You still alive? I'm assuming you are unless you have some SEVER mental disorder. My point is that you've just been rejected 30 times, and you're still "there." Your ego is bruised, but that's not stopping you from trying to find 35 more women to message. My question to you is; what's the difference between being rejected online, and being rejected in person? If anything, online rejection is WORSE because you have (what you think to be) a great profile, and your best pic(s). Think about it - they "rejected" the best version of you, and you're still here.

Now, you may be thinking "well, it's easier to be rejected when you're not face to face." Ok, it maybe easier, but how do you know she still isn't laughing at you? How do you know she didn't save your message to show her friends and make fun of you. If she is local; how do you know you won't run into her at a bar? Remember, you sent some pic's along with that "clever" message so now she has a face to go along with her mockery.

Now you may be thinking; "what about the 5 responses I did get?" "this stuff does work!!" Ok; how many of those responses went past 2-3 messages? You got 2 numbers? How many of those 2 did you get a date with, how many did the texting fizzle out? You got a date, AWESOME; did you get a second one? Congratulations, you've just been rejected 35 times with 2 of those being "personal." Not only are you afraid of rejection in person, you've been rejected on the "safe" internet," too

My point is this; if you can't "score" a girl in person, you can't "score" one online; sooner or later "you" are going to come to the surface. Online dating is no substitute for face to face approaching, and it can actually hinder (it did for me) you're ability to ever do so. With out socially interacting with people, you don't know how to; your conversations fizzle out b/c you "don't know what to say," and when/if you get a date, you're not congruent with your "awesome" profile, so you don't get a second one. Like porn, online dating is no substitute for the real thing.

My best advice is this: find out what you're insecure about, what's causing your low self-esteem, and WORK to fix it. For me I started to workout, got my black belt in martial arts, got a good education (started to make money), started to look at apartments, saw a speech therapist for a year, and started to see a psychologist. I'm not where I want to be, but I'm better than I was. I can do "small talk" with people (even HB's), and everyday I get more and more comfortable. I still can't do a solid solo cold approach (with intent), but I'm getting there.

You'll NEVER be "happy" until you can take your life by the horns and direct where you want it to go, or what you want to happen. Even if you go get a gf, you'll always have that sinking/nagging feeling that you're settling b/c the only girls you get with are the ones who chose you. Not until you are able to walk up to a girl you've chosen, will you ever be able to have a happy relationship with one.

Think about it... Really think about it... I underlined "rejected" for a reason. I came to the realization, and hope you can too, that you're being rejected online, and that's no different than getting rejected in person. Remember those 5 girls who responded back to you; what would have happened if you were in person with them and could have developed attraction/kino with them?

Seems like online PUA is just the thing for you, as you didn't stutter in writing.

yea, I thought so too, but after awhile I started to realize that it was more of a crutch than an alternative.

It's not all bad; I did get a confidence boost when a HB responded to me, and even more when we went out and ended up fucking. It showed me that I am desirable, and that HB's can/do/are capable of liking me. It also showed me that there are a lot of "misaligned" women out there, and if I'm going to find one worth dating, I'd need to do more leg work.

If that's how you want to start, than great (it worked for me), but just like me, don't "rely" on it. When I started to think about on-line rejection the same as in-person, it started to feel the same.

I'm just hope this helps one person. After all, it's all a state of mind; change your POV (state of mind), and you'll see things differently. See things differently, and you'll start to act differently.

rejection is just feedback that you're doing something not quite right and is vital to calibrate your game...it's no big deal.

I've been saying this for as long as I can remember lol well said my friend.

No, I get that; my point was that online dating in lieu of "reality" dating is no solution for AA.

I don't want to group everyone in the same boat as there are people who have a legitimate use for online dating; people who have no issues approaching in person, but who have extenuating circumstances that prevent them from going out. My point was to try and make people see that getting rejected online is still rejection, and that's it's no different than getting rejected in person. Actually online rejection may be worse than real life rejection because since your profile has the "best of you," she essentially rejecting the "best of you;" sometimes without even talking to you. My point is rejection is rejection and it doesn't matter on which outlet you're being rejected on; basically it's the same thing, so nut up and approach in person.

I'm talking from experience as there was a point in time that I solely relied on online dating b/c of my AA and thought I could "cheat" the "game" with it. While I did have some success, I feel like it did more harm than good b/c when we did get to meet, I couldn't keep it congruent. Even the girls I slept with only stayed around for a couple weeks.

The only positive thing that online dating did for me was give me confidence that I could get a HB when a HB did respond, meet me, and/or fucked me. Other than that, it also showed me that I have some social holes because after I run out of "routine(s)," I'm out of ammo; I have nothing left to back it up (hence the couple weeks). I have no more ammo, b/c I was hiding behind a keyboard.

I'm not trying to come off as a preacher with all the right answers, I'm just going off experience and trying to share what I went I've been going though/realized as to maybe help someone else out. AA sucks!