I am almost 29 and I have only ever had sex with prostitutes. Basically, I have never had sex without paying for it. One of my main goals in life is to get an unpaid for root - and I realize that it's not that hard. But still, I still haven't accomplished the goal.

One of the main things holding me back is approach anxiety (AA). Sometimes I see a nice chick and want to talk to her - but I don't talk to her. It really tears me up inside when I feel like I should have approached when I didn't. It locks myself up so to speak (and the memory of me NOT approaching sticks in my head).

For the past couple of weeks something clicked inside my head. I did quite a few approaches. I finally felt like a PUA - a new confident guy different from the normal old shy self. But lately I haven't done an approach for a little while and I'm worried that I've just gone back to my old self. When I did the approaches it was great - I felt like I was making progress. But now they're just memories and I'm going to get frustrated if I don't do another approach soon.

Monday morning I felt like I failed. I was walking to the office and this chick I like came in to walk upstairs at the same time. I promised myself that if I run into this chick like I did on Monday morning I'd definitely talk to her. But I didn't. After a Saturday night where I approached some chicks I just kept my mouth shut. Once I walked into the office I didn't let myself feel overly upset with myself. Big deal that I didn't talk to her. But it's the little things that matter that help to build up to big things. I was my old self that morning. I couldn't help feel torn up inside about it and for the rest of the day and beyond I had regret in my mind.

The biggest problem is that I'm not sure why I didn't talk to her (just say 'hello'). What mindset did I have that was different than my ballsy PUA mindset? Maybe the failure was due to my last approach where I was rejected and felt kind of shit with the rejection. Maybe I didn't want to feel that feeling I got after being rejected again - but I tell you what, I'd rather feel rejected that not try (logically speaking anyway).

Truth is though, I'm not entirely sure.

One of the things that helped in my confidence lately, is looking upon the memories of me doing good approaches in the past and realizing a part of me does have some balls - and that I can call myself a PUA. Looking at my life from a big picture perspective I can see that I have done things PU wise that I would have have only dreamed of normally. I feel that if I keep adding to my list of 'stuff done' things will get easier and I will make more progress.

Still, it can be hard to keep that good feeling up. Despite my advancements lately I've still been visiting prostitutes (more often than usual in fact). And that can potentially put a spanner in the works. I feel like if I'm lucky enough and do my thing I will (eventually) get an unpaid for root. And so I want to abstain from the prostitutes in good faith that I will get it unpaid. But still I indulge.

Just today, I took a day off work because I'm sick. And out of my boredom so to speak I went to a brothel. Afterwards I went to the mall to potentially do some PU. Despite feeling my PUA instinct slightly I didn't do anything really though (saw targets but didn't go for them - kind of fair enough since I'm not well). Drove home with the feeling of 'time passing' so to speak.

I'm just looking forward to the next moment where I REDEEM myself and get myself back on the path. I love the experience of seeing a hot chick, deciding to approach, feeling my heart rate quicken with excitement, and then finally going ahead and doing the approach. The rush makes it special and it's the rush that makes me approach when normally I wouldn't take action due to it being not a normal thing to do.

Of course sometimes I approach without that rush so much so to speak (like in clubs where I normally try to approach). The rush happens more when a hot chick comes out of the blue of something and I immediately decide to talk to her.

I don't want to just limiting myself to making approaches at the club on a Saturday night. Ideally I want to be doing an approach every day in amongst my day to day activities. Essentially, I want to be a PUA who is always on the prowl. And that includes talking to chicks I run into when arriving to and from the office.

As a bit of an addendum to this, I have been coming up with a bit of a theory in the processes that help one do an approach. Well, what I mean to say is that maybe there are certain factors (inside and outside) that determine whether we do an approach or not. Maybe we just have to have faith that we are PUAs whether we do stuff or not. Maybe we can only rely on that feeling of approach excitement - and if we don't get it then we just have to be patient and wait for an opportunity where it does come up. I don't know. I think this may be the trap.

I don't know if writing this post helps or not. I don't know if anything helps in particular. When I was feeling AA-free I wondered what advice I would give to people who have AA. And I found that there really is no advice. One just has to DO IT.

Try going in with the mindset of rejection while still trying to get the girl. If you're expecting to be rejected then you accomplished something. If you don't get rejected... then you accomplished something!

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No such thing as failed attempts... They're practice attempts.

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I feel like I may have potentially lost my magic again. I've got to say that this can be quite a frustrating process and part of the reason for this frustration is that I tend to shift mindsets.

Last night I went out to the club with the mindset of kind of not giving a fuck whether I do an approach or not. What I had in mind was just to spend a couple of hours at the club before going back home (without visiting a brothel). In effect, I was giving the goal of abstaining from prostitutes a higher priority than picking up chicks.

What happened in the club though was there was this hot chick who looked kind of DTF. I was standing behind her and she turned to looked around behind herself a couple of times. Each time she turned around I sort of tried to meet her gaze so to speak. And one of those times our eyes just locked (well one of her eyes anyway). I stared into her big round eyeball that was looking right at me and we held eye contact for a good solid 2-4 seconds. Once eye contact was broken I thought that this chick must dig me - there was a good feeling about this.

I kept myself calm whilst thinking that I should approach her. This was one of those potential golden opportunities. Unfortunately, I didn't manage to take any action. I was thinking of waiting until she was isolated again (as she was before) and doing the Apocalypse opener. But alas she left with her friend not long after the 'go' signal as it were.

As soon as they left I couldn't help feel angry at myself. It was, to use a Chinese adage, as if for once a roast duck was flying in the direction of my mouth but I kept my mouth closed. Looking back, I should of approached the chick straight after the eye contact.

Before the event I was feeling quite happy, confident and at ease with myself. But now I was pissed off. There wasn't much point hanging round the club for much longer as the vibes I was putting out now weren't going to get me anywhere.

Not long into the night I got back into my car and drove off to a brothel.

It's funny. At times I can muster up big round balls and go up and do very direct approaches out of the blue (without any prior indication-of-interest or anything). But other times I can't muster up anything despite the possible high chances of success. It's kind of like it's no wonder I've never had any success with PU because I don't take the things that are given to me. It's as if I don't deserve to pick up if I'm not, well, picking up.

So, at the moment, my plan is now to take it easy and be receptive to potential opportunities that come along like the one that did last night. To be receptive I think one has to not be constantly thinking about sex all the time. One has to be content not getting it. Kind of a reverse psychology type thing. And this includes abstaining from prostitutes.

So, if and when the next opportunity comes along I will reach out and take it with both fucking arms. As in, RECIPROCATE!

Last Monday I was in the bakery and I was standing beside this chick as we were both waiting for our orders (we both ordered the same thing actually). Out of the corner of my eye I saw that she was glancing in my direction - possibly checking me out trying to get me to glance back at her. But instead I just kept my eyes straight acting as if nothing was happening. As in, being a loser and not reciprocating. Not long after she shifted away from me.

So, from now on I must make it my mission to always reciprocate and be opportunistic. A part of me doesn't like being opportunistic. A part of me thinks that if I want something I should just go out there and get it with full brute force. But with women I don't think I'll get anywhere as long as I keep not taking the gifts (or one gift at least).

Yea, you never know where the next set will pop up. Be ready and opportunistic and reciprocate when needed.

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“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn

I have neither the money to pay nor the proper game infact my only option is prostitutes but i dont wana do that where is the challenge ?

Look, you can write. Fine, you can express yourself verbally and you are probably articulate in real life.

From what I read, there are aspects you can fix and it all boils down to inner game. How about you start approaching women with just the desire to talk and not pick them up? Go to a bar, start a conversation and leave the set without asking for a number or escalating. Not a long involved conversation, unless they are really receptive, but something short and quick. I suggest this because once talking to unfamiliar people becomes natural you can then work on escalating. Take everything a step at a time and break down into steps.