| Let me give you guys some background and context on who I am and why I chose to come here for advice.
I am a 23 year old college student in southern california. I've been a beta/AFC all my life, though I have made some improvements here and there. I have several insecurities about myself that need work, rendering me unable to break through my self-made barriers towards success with women.
Insecurities:
1. looks- I am short. My height is 5'1", Asian descent. I used to be obese. Though I have lost weight, I feel if I don't have abs, I don't look good enough. I have crooked teeth due to lack of dentist appointments as a child. Currently, I look decently cut, just without the abs.
2. social proof- I was never the popular kid. I have a few close friends. I have many female acquaintances. No relationships. Dating? I'm talking to one girl, but it's just hanging out at best. I have not tried escalating. Oneitis? I am still attracted to many women, but only have courage to talk to this one because of our rapport. Currently, I am basically a broke college student that lives at home. i intend to move out once i graduate and get employed. i use a flip phone and prepaid cards while everyone else has smartphones. I drive an old used american family sedan from the 90's.
3. personality- I wish i was as funny as my friends. it is difficult for me to make jokes or make clever comments. I have to force myself to think first.
4. An overall sense of decreased value and self-esteem.
5. lack of willpower and discipline-At times, I become very lazy and don't want to be productive when I know I should.
6. Fashion- I don't wear expensive clothes nor wear any cologne, only cheap deodorants from drug stores. I do try to make do with what I have. I keep my hygiene decent by showering, and of course brushing my teeth. My style involves showing off my improved physique with v-necks, and short sleeved golf polos. My hairstyle is cut short using a buzzer. I wear prescription glasses though I occasionally wear contacts.
I started reading into PUA about 8 months ago. My main source of information was the blog 'solve my girl problems' by PUA Shark. I also read his book 'The Black Flag.' I started reading Neil Strauss's "The Game," but have not finished it.
The reason I started reading PUA material is because I got the 'LJBF or let's just be friends' from the girl I was pedestalizing (an HB4)(i aimed low, because I assumed I was of lower value). I took the friendship approach, and of course that's what i got.
Falling into mild depression for the next 2 years, I became obese and became a shut-in, indulging in food, video games, and porn. That was the lowest point of my life. at 5'1" and weighing 165lb, I looked like the most disgusting creature on earth. I had been overweight since childhood, but letting it worsen to clinical obesity made me realize I needed help. My actual physical health was declining.
With some self-reflection, I set out to focus on my university major as well as start losing weight. When I started reading shark's blog, some things started clicking in place. Mainly, inner game. I finally had goals I was working towards. Today, I weigh 126lb and in good physical health. I am also one semester away from graduation. But of course, that's not enough. What about women?
Everything I have read made sense. I have observed it in action in other people (natural alphas). However, when it comes to interacting with women, I tend to shut down. I feel so motivated whenever I read about this stuff. But when it comes to the field, I become too scared to apply it. In the end, all this readings is just mental masturbation.
When I am in a crowd, I become silent. I will laugh at other people's jokes, and make supporting comments, but never able to be creative enough to start a new topic and make a decent joke. I've always been the shy type since childhood. I guess that never changed. I am most comfortable talking to a person one on one. I have been able to practice, though not mastered eye contact, open and relaxed body language, and leading the conversation. This has yielded some mixed results, but no escalation.
My main problem is overthinking. I psych myself out. This causes me to never approach. I am still outcome dependent because my fear of rejection takes over. I know what I am thinking is wrong, but don't have the balls to get over it and just take action.
My mind rationalizes all the reasons why I should not approach. "You're not good enough to approach her." "You'll get shot down". "She's too pretty." "She looks snobby." "If you act like you don't care, maybe she'll approach you instead, yeah just better to ignore her"
I keep thinking about how to do things right, what line to use, and what type of personality to give off, what negs to say. I think so much that I develop more anxiety. By the end, it's already too late and I feel completely drained from all the overthinking that I don't want to approach anymore. My mind crawls back into it's safe corner and continues its miserable existence.
When in reality, I am too scared to overcome my fear, lacking the courage to do what must be done.
I am sure many of you have experienced this at the beginning of your journey. Approach anxiety seems like huge hurdle for me. How did you guys break through it?
What advise do you guys have to overcome those insecurities I listed? Thanks.
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