It's been several months since I've been approached by a girl(before I discovered pick up) so I dunno if this is necessarily still the case for me but anyways.

For some reason when a girl approaches me I get super nervous! It's like my brain instantly thinks to itself "OMG shes chatting me up OMG OMG" it's so damn annoying because if I wasnt so nervous, these girls that approached me would easily be mine!

I need to somehow change my mindset and thought patterns so I don't become really nervous when a girl approaches me.

It's like approach anxiety, but I'm the one being approached!

Help a brother out

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The Asian Don(in the future anyways... )

have you picked up many girls since last being approached?

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https://www.facebook.com/mylesah /// or tweet me @MylesHamilton

To be honest no. I'm really new to this pickup thing.

Only difference from then and now is that I feel like a more confident person(I started going to the gym and working on my confidence and self esteem) and I've read The Game and loads of posts on this forum lol.

I'm blessed in the sence that I can attract girls with my looks and dress sense, I just gotta work on my inner confidence and self esteem. I had a really rocky childhood/teenage years and I'm still 'recovering' from it. Socially I'm still playing catchup.

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The Asian Don(in the future anyways... )

Right, forget about picking up girls for at least a month! Now just go to a popular social place and talk to anyone, (Even guys) and you will realise that it's not too scary. You will gain friends and begin to know more people thus improving your social skills! When your talking to girls, don't try to pull them, just have short conversations with them about anything and soon you will realise girls are human too and that they are easy to talk to. Make sure everytime you go out to the pub etc you meet at least 3 new people, and know them by name if you can, dosn't matter too much though if you don't know names.

once you have achieved this, then you can start to try and pull girls, but don't do it alone when you 1st begin, go over a game plan with a friend and have them wingman you but get them to slowly leave the conversation so you have isolated them. you should feel more relaxed and because you have talked to girls before but not in a sexual way, when a girl does approach you, you wont panick as much because you will know what to talk about

Go into everything happily, no one will reject a happy person unless they are miserable themselves

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https://www.facebook.com/mylesah /// or tweet me @MylesHamilton

Hello Don,

For a long time, I have been recovering from a rocky childhood (see my reply on "childhood experiences"). I am now 37 and also playing social catch-up because of confidence and self-esteem problems.

The pressure I have put on myself to have a girlfriend has made me miserable which has become a vicious circle. For the last few months I have been building up my fitness and I am more conscious of trying to burn off the fat!

May I suggest you look on the Meet Up website to find local groups you can hook up with. I have been aware of the site for a long time but never used it actively to build up my social skills and to give myself some confidence.

SD

I don't think you can solve your problem only by listening to some logical advice on what to do.

I think your problem is a bit more complex, and you probably agree with this when I say, that you need to experience an EMOTIONAL shift, where your anxiety would leave your body.

You see, what we're talking about here is FEAR, and fear is an EMOTION.

And you can't get RID of your fear by using LOGIC.

You need to experience an emotional shift, and then you will be able to approach.

You can go out and try some weird technique, but the best one I've discovered for ELIMINATING your approach anxiety is this one www.volcanoconfidence.com

I did this technique and after I tried it, my anxiety somehow LEFT my body, I didn't have that SINKING feeling in my stomach anymore, I didn't have that blank mind and I could approach any woman I want, start a casual conversation with her and I talked with them like they were my best FRIEND.

So try it, you got nothing to lose.

Phantom

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try to become of anything arrogant/unfriendly/hostile that you do when a person approaches you. i have same thing. i don't know what this all means when a girl appraoches me and i am anxious about how i act in return and not sure what to say. i make my own crazy theories about why the girls talk to me (to make fun of me, to play with my feelings, to make themselves feel attractive, etc.) and i totally misinterpret what is going on in the social situation. no easy cure for this that i have found yet, i am just trying to go out and be more social and am getting a date a few times a year.. baby steps.. i am now 26 lol..

Here's a tip, try to focus on her more and ask questions about herself. This will actually take your mind off your nervousness.

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Learn from your mistakes, don't make the same mistakes twice.