| hi challenger88,
it might not feel like it SPAM, but If you are this 'outgoing fun cocky person' which I'm sure you are, then you
should be able to be like that with a nice girl as well! The only reason
you can't be like that right now is because fear is getting too much grip on you.
Right now your fear is out of proportion. Your mind has to understand you will not die or get injured in the situation
of being with a nice girl; that nothing too bad will happen. It needs to learn that by doing it over and over again.
Practically the worst thing that can happen is being rejected. But being rejected is not bad at all, at happened to all of us.
If you hadn't gone out, you hadn't met her. If you hadn't met her you wouldn't be with her anyway….no worries.
You say it's been happening for a long time, but that doesn't tell me exactly how many sets you've been doing.
How many sets have you been doing last months roughly ?
you probably need more...
Lets put it this way: Its like bungee jumping or doing parachute. the first time is so scary. Having done it 10 times, it starts
getting less scary. Done it 50 times: you won't feel so much fear anymore. its like doing talks/presentations for groups of people.
At first it doesn't feel comfortable at all and you can't be your best self. But after doing it a lot of times, it starts getting a normal.
Gaming is not exactly like that, it probably needs even more practice, fears in this category are just too deep.
I suggest that you spent the coming time to fix this a bit.
But try not to fix it with the next girl you'll have a connection with, try to fix this with quantity!
I would like to give you these three advices:
Make small steps.
Why don't you try to have small conversations on a daily basis to strangers the coming time. Talk to woman (or even men to start with)
in the supermarket for example, but keep it very simple: only exchange 1 sentence, that is good enough. When you feel comfortable
with that go for more on the next set. But baby steps. Don't make your goal number-closses or kiss-closses for a while.
write down a subject list
take the time to write down a list of favorite subjects you like to talk about. Select the best ones
and branch them further on more detailed sub-subjects and branch them even further if possible. On every item on your list,
try to make questions. For example: if a subject would be 'dreams', it could be: do you have vivid dreams? what is the last interesting
dream you've had? etc.
While you make you're list, avoid dlv's in it, have a privilege for dhv's and if you come across attraction switches
or screening questions: great. But….don't worry about this things TOO much right now and don't worry if
your list is not so big right away, do the best you can.
Learn your list by heart.
When at a certain moment you come across girls you'll start having a connection with and there will
be bigger conversations: you can steer to the subjects you like and know something about.
observe what happens in your body
While you run your sets, whatever importance: observe you're anxiety. Feel it in your body and accept that its there. Try to locate it,
where exactly do you feel it in your body? It should be there somewhere, you're just not alway's aware of it.
Try not to push it away, just leave it there and observe it for a bit from time to time. It's impossible to push it away anyway….
Fear that gets too big that makes your mind go blank for seconds is mostly because your body reacts on fear with more fear and on the new fear with even more fear.
With stress the same basically…it's like a feedback loop. You can actually train yourself to break this loop by observing and accepting
the fear present right now instead of reacting on it with more fear which you normally subconsciously do.
This are the basic principles of meditation….this also needs a lot of time. Just keep observing once in a while,
whatever you feel during a conversation actually, and let it be. If it's fear: its fear. If its something else: its something else. Don't
name it, just be aware of it and accept its presence.
I hope this helps, let me know. You told me the girl you had a connection came to see you….that is, in itself, nice. I know it is not the goal
you where aiming for, you wanted to have a good time with her and feel good…..but it still tells me: you're gonne be fine!
-- Magnet --
|
CHAT