I was wondering if any of you could help me with a problem i have.

My situation is very similar to the guy who posted this afc-challenge-to-the-masters-social-anx ... 10108.html, in the way that ive recently realised im not shy around girls so much, but around people in genral.

Saying this however probably gives off the wrong impression of me sitting alone in a class (im at college) not plucking up the courage to speak to anyone. I do speak to people, interact, even make the whole class laugh at times.

My problem is being one on one with someone, i feel as if i cant carry a conversation. I used to think that this was just me, I was shy when meeting new people, but then i thaught about it and even around some of my closest friends i sometimes get nervous and dont feel relaxed.

Then last week we had to do a 10 minute presentation for the course i am doing, standing up in front of half the class and having to pitch to them the idea i was coming up with. I was dreading it. I had this image in my head of me spouting off everything i had written on the cards word for word, staring at my shoes the whole time and getting it over as quickly as possible. But when it came to it i suprised myself by being totally natural and confident standing up there. I spoke slow and steady, made eye contace with everyone, didnt fidget at all.

This made me realise im not so much nervous about being around people, my greatest social fear is having nothing to say to them. Doing my presentation i had everything written down and therefor had no chance of drying up with material in which to talk about, therefor this knowledge made me relax, and give the body language that projected confidence. I felt like i could truly be myself.

But when i speak to people in normal social situations, i start to worry about having nothing to say, my body language then starts to show that, and my mind clamps up further.

I don't feel as if i have nothing to say to someone, as i believe that no-one can truley have nothing to say with all the things that go in our lives and those around us. My problem is just unlocking this information if you get me.

If any of you have experienced the same problem or know of a way i could get over it then please let me know. I feel like i can't truley become a PUA untill i get over this first hurdle.
Thanks
Nep

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The difference between a joker and a king is confidence
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You can have it all

Hey man, I feel your pain. What has helped me tremendously is constant social interaction with random people everywhere. Just go up and say hi. If it feels right, carry on a conversation. In fact, even if nothing comes to mind, push it a little further. This will show you that it's not the end of the world when you don't have anything interesting to say.

As for the pauses in one on one conversations, use them to reflect upon what was said earlier. If you are genuinely thinking over the conversation, your body language will show it (you will not be aware of this) and the other party will understand. So don't be afraid of pauses! In fact, when sarging a girl or HB, use the pauses to stare intently into her eyes with a hint of a smile on your lips. She will be absolutely enthralled by this, trust me I know because I've gotten this reaction over and over again.

I have recorded down a lot of my progress in the thread you mentioned, so feel free to browse through and see if it helps with your problem. Many pros including Tripp contributed a lot of good advice and pointers, and I feel that many of them will help you out a great deal. My main problem occurs more often in group sets than one on ones, but I get become self conscious still and that leads to the mind clamp you mention here. Again, approaching random people and initiating conversations helps, so I recommend you start by going to the nearest mall and saying hi to complete strangers! (Just do it!)

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afc-challenge-to-the-masters-social-anx ... 10108.html

thanks alot for the tips man, im flipping through the pages of your post and trying to soak up everything i can. I also might try to pm The Doctor as he mentioned something to you about it and says he could offer you some advice about the whole situation

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The difference between a joker and a king is confidence
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.
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You can have it all

I'm typing from my Wii so this'll be a little scatterbrain. I realized I had the same problem as you a while ago and came up with a technique to help myself (and hopefully you too).

When I have nothing much to say I push the attention on to the other party with an open ended question. This buys me a bit of time to gather my thoughts or go with her response to the question. Now, don't get me wrong, if you're looking to pick up then you're the one on the spot and you have to maintain that level of control over the flow of the convo.

But when things are going over your head, interrupt the silence before it gets awkward with a question that begins with 'why' or 'how'. This guarantees she can blab for a bit and when your back on track you can interject in the middle of her spiel for a poke/neg/whateverthehellit'scalled.

PM me for advice

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http://www.realpuas.com