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Hey everyone, so today I was at my local shopping center, and I remembered all these things like body language and the Newbie Mission. I saw a few people I wanted to talk to all really attractive girls. I quickly analyzed knew what I could say to start the conversation and the who 9 yards. But the second I wanted to step forward and ask "Hows your day going?" or "I like your shirt!" "You look like the kind of girl I would like to meet" I froze suddenly my Alpha male physic reduced to a beta. My feet wouldn't move forward. I think I get stuck at that point because I suddenly think to myself "Hey what if shes just pain rude" or "Why are all these people staring" (NOBODY WAS LOOKING) or "What if she does that bitch face girls sometimes do when they're uncertain about something?"
I know what I need to do I've read and have seen slight improvements with my confidence taking baby steps. But is like the second I want to take a bigger step such as this a box encloses around me and I feel like I'm in a a zoo where everyone is suddenly interested in my every word and movement.
This is probably the thing that's holding me back the most. One the AA is over I feel like it will be calmer waters then it is now.
Thanks,
-Strace
Hey Strace,
Your main problem is that you're stuck in the situation where you're constantly forcing
yourself into doing what you don't truly love and enjoy. If you did truly love it and enjoy
it, you'd do it as effortlessly as 1-2-3.
The solution to fixing your problem that's very common among so many guys is all about
immediately stopping doing what constantly forces you to feel under pressure and feel
anxiety. And, here's why.
If you don't stop doing what you don't truly enjoy and what constantly forces you to
feel that unnecessary pressure, you'll most likely end up becoming a sexual addict with
the symptoms of two most common personality disorders among men who are busy
boldly approaching and picking up random women. They're borderline and narcissistic
personality disorders.
Another vital thing is this. Not only should you immediately stop forcing yourself into
boldly approaching random women but also you should not try to beat your approach
anxiety in any way for the reasons I've just shared with you here.
When it comes to knowing what you need to change and why you need to change it in
order to stop being stuck in your anxiety and constantly feeling under pressure around
meeting women, I'm now going to try to inspire you to start thinking in the right direction
of getting there as soon as possible.
A good way for me to inspire you to start thinking in the right direction is to share with you
one of my favorite Bruce Lee's quotes that says:
"We do not become, we simply are."
Chances are that what initially pushed you into that frustrating anxiety around meeting
women are most likely the following two things:
a) trying very hard to become somebody who you are not while desperately trying to
adopt and live by the model of behavior that doesn't really suit your true personality, and
b) getting seduced into believing that picking up an endless number of women just to have
sex with them is really something that you could call part of your true happiness or passion,
while in fact, this very activity is nothing but part of a pure obsession that you don't truly
enjoy and that in the first place you've subconsciously got forced to believe that you should
enjoy no matter what, because somebody taught you that this is the way of how you become
that ideal alpha man.
What I'm trying to point out to you here is that like many other guys including myself who ended up
in the pickup arts community mainly because our self esteem got badly hurt sometime during our early
age and all we're now trying to do is just lift it up or fix it through gaining a kind of sexual gratification
based on sleeping with as many women as possible in our lifetime, you seem to be stuck in exactly
the same kind of situation.
Before I go on telling you a little bit of my story, let me ask you a simple question.
Have you ever asked yourself that important
"Do I really enjoy it?" question
when trying to attract and pick up women?
Asking myself this question was a huge light bulb moment in my life, because it helped me realize
that everything I was doing in the area of attracting and picking up women for years was purely
the result of just acting under the pressure - the unnecessary pressure of constantly forcing myself
into doing what I didn't really love and enjoy at all.
What made me keep forcing myself to boldly approach random women just to pick them up as my
sexual objects was both my initial belief that doing it was part of my true passion and also my
adopted pickup arts conditioning that was constantly pushing me into my sexual advances with
random women just for the sake of not feeling guilty of missing out on any pickup opportunities
when I get back home later.
Guess what. I was wrong when trying to identify my true passion.
All my sexual advances that I was constantly forcing myself into were a pure obsession that
I now like to call my false passion.
My pickup and sex obsession started mainly as the outcome of dating related peer pressure
from my childhood.
I got stuck in this obsession for two reasons:
a) I initially didn't fit in the social circles of my peers because I didn't really like most of
their behaviors, and
b) my inner resistance toward the peer pressure grew so much that I gradually got myself
into thinking of creating my own international playboy lifestyle surrounded by the most
beautiful women that I'd have lots of fun and sex with for the rest of my life.
As a result, my pickup and sex obsession got me stuck in a long-term sexual addiction with
the symptoms of the two most common men's mental disorders known as borderline personality
disorder and narcissistic personality disorder.
Now here's an important thing that I'd really like you to understand.
The situation where you feel anxious and reserved about approaching random women is actually
not a bad thing. Let me explain.
Your approach anxiety is like your guardian angel protecting you from getting stuck in the kind
of obsession I told you about a minute ago. It's there to protect you from getting in the bad habit
of constantly feeling under pressure of having to necessarily approach and pick up random women
wherever you go. It's also there to protect you from being fed up with and feeling guilty of missing
out on the opportunities to approach and pick up women.
Here're two reasons why your approach anxiety is your best friend and why you should not try
to beat it or overcome it in any way:
1) Again, your approach anxiety is there to save you from getting trapped in the situation that
you wouldn't naturally feel comfortable with and wouldn't really enjoy it in a long run. By the way,
I'm saying "in a long run" because most of us when we get stuck in chasing an obsession,
we're seduced to believe that what we're doing is really something that we fully love and enjoy
doing.
2) Trying to beat your approach anxiety by getting in the habit of boldly approaching
as many random women in a day as possible is not only a form of validation seeking but
also something that will push you into an endless out-of-control, self destructive and
compulsive sexual behaviors that are characteristic of the behaviors of guys who suffer
from borderline and narcissistic personality disorders.
By the way, I'm neither a psychiatrist nor a psychologist but just a guy like you who got
involved in the pickup community just to learn the game while never thinking of any mental
health dangers as the result of doing it.
Today I'm proud to say that I have a solid knowledge about the two most common men's
mental heath disorders that come purely as the outcome of practising the pua game: borderline
personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder.
As you can guess, I got into the trouble of learning about these mental disorders because my
severe approach anxiety (that I'd never ever experienced before) was getting worse and worse
and making me feel so distressed even at the times I was about to just take a short trip to my
local supermarket to buy something that I really felt I was not only losing my mental health but
also losing my whole self at such a fast speed that was out of my control.
In short, my one year long mental health educational journey got me to learn the 3 main
causes of all my pains and struggles linked with being involved in the game:
a) the first thing that got me in the habit of constantly pushing myself to boldly approach random
women in different social situations was my approach anxiety, because my approach anxiety
subconsciously became my main motivational trigger that was making me boldly approach
random women especially in high-risk social situations.
The more approach anxiety I felt, the more encouraged and motivated I was to approach a
random woman no matter what kind of situation she was in and who she was potentially with
at the time.
b) the second thing that got me in the same unhealthy habit of constantly forcing myself to
boldly approach any random woman that I was sexually attracted to was an abnormal sense
of entitlement. I later realized that I'd absorbed this sense of entitlement and got it to become
part of my personality through the process of learning the game since most pua trainers often
teach guys to feel entitled to freely approach any woman they like.
As the result of my mental health research, I learned that one of the main behavioral traits
of the guys who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder is exactly the same kind of
unhealthy sense of entitlement when boldly approaching random women anywhere they go.
c) the self-destructive habit of constantly forcing myself to boldly approach random women
in dangerous, high-risk situations is one of the main behavioral traits of sociopaths and the
guys who suffer from borderline personality disorder.
In short, the most common symptom of the men suffering from borderline personality disorder
is boldly engaging in dangerous life situations. In terms of dating and picking up women, this
refers to any kind of out-of-control, compulsive sexual behavior where a man often stupidly
exposes himself to an unnecessary risk or danger of getting harmed in one way or another,
because he starts to feel guilty if he doesn't take the challenge of getting himself involved
in such situation.
By the way, what I've just shared with you are also the symptoms of sexual addiction.
So, this is exactly how my initial pickup and sex obsession turned into a long-term sexual
addiction with the symptoms of borderline and narcissistic personality disorders.
And, here's the conclusion I got to after I finally got myself out of this whole trouble.
I got stuck in the vicious circle of anxiety-driven, out-of-control, compulsive sexual behaviors
around meeting women for years purely because of my childhood's hurt self-esteem that I
desperately wanted to lift up by sleeping with as many women in my entire lifetime as possible
just to be able to defiantly show off to my peers how sexually powerful and successful with
women I was.
The bottom line is this: You're very likely to end up both being constantly unhappy with yourself
and getting addicted to doing various unnecessary things that you don't really love and enjoy when
you don't follow and live your true passions which are the things that you actually love and enjoy.
Once you start living closely aligned with your true passions, you'll end up waking up every morning
super excited and fulfilled while having both that important clarity of what your next steps are and
a clear vision of your dream success. As a result, your desired inner peace will naturally fall into
place.
Hope you find this post enlightening and helpful.
Bruno
CHAT
