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hi everyone,
First time posting on this board. I was just wondering if anyone else experienced the same thing and how did you go through it.
I had a terrible break up last summer after 2yrs n half we were going to get engaged no need to dive into that, it's over.
Since then I have been on plenty of dates but I still have a terrible approach anxiety and a real hard time to make a move for some reason. I did not have this issue in the past at least never this bad
I find myself over thinking, asking what ifs, and generally just not really happy on the inside I fake it but I don't know how to get past this and just go for it again
Any ideas have you had a similar experience?
Hello brother
I feel your pain - I went through something similar a few years back. I can honestly say that by applying the following principles, my life is one incredible adventure. Truly memorable, filled with beautiful people, awesome friends, insane stories and stunning women. How?
Simple
Simplicity is key. The natural tendency after a breakup is to drown yourself into whatever distraction you can. For some people, they get really fat and depressed and drown in video games. For others, it's pickup that consumes their time and they go on a rampage of women until they burn themselves out. I'm here to tell you that neither path is healthy.
A break up seems sad, but it's in fact something to rejoice over. So she wasn't the one... Big deal? All it means is you get the chance to actually find the special one. In the meantime though, here's what you need to do.
Emotional management 101
Did you know you can feel good, right now, for absolutely no reason? If you don't believe me, stand up right now, blast 'take on me' by a-ha really loud, sing it at the top of your lungs (even the impossibly high 'I'll... be... yours... in a day or... TWOOOOOOOOo'). Jump up and down, clap your hands - really get into the song.
How do you feel now? Pretty great I bet. Feeling that good is not sustainable though, and that's fine. I just needed you to try it out for the sake of argument. What you should aim for instead if a
comfortable relaxed state. Meditation helps tremendously. Music plays a big role in it as well.
Listen to this song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=De_zJQQVCvM
How could you not feel good after listening to that awesome song?
Anyway look, my point is that before you go around chasing tail, focus on feeling good. This comes first and foremost. Don't be that guy with a half empty cup begging for a woman to fill it. Instead, be the guy with the overflowing cup of joy that wants to share that shit around before it falls to the floor and goes to waist.
Rediscover your manhood pal
This is the next logical step. Where do you go from here? I'm about to say something counter-intuitive, and I know most of the keyboard jockeying newbies mega pua master mystery Tyler negging DHVers will choke on their Mountain Dew here but... Do NOT go pick up girls.
Whaaaaa?
Fuck that shit. Just stop. The reason you feel 'anxiety' is because you are thinking about picking up women. What does that mean? "me me me... what can you do for ME?" No wonder you're terrified - it's the most selfish pursuit on the planet. Your sense of self-worth is directly attached to this. Is it really a surprised that 10 000 morons around the globe suffer from "approach anxiety"?
Nah, fuck that shit. We're going to do something radically different. What you're going to do instead is build a lifestyle. You're going to find your passions, you're going to try new things, you're going to do what you love, and you're going to be absorbed in that shit. By absorbed I mean SO absorbed you don't have time to notice that Shelly keeps texting you, or that you had a date scheduled with Sabrina.
Go on adventures
At this point you'll probably already feel amazing, though somewhat lonely - but a bearable loneliness, not a weak neediness. And thats cool. A man has needs.
Here's what you do: you go on adventures. Don't go out to pickup. If you get an invite to something, say yes. Be it that dorky girl who invites you to Karaoke night, that awkward guy at work who invites you to one dollar fish taco night, or the cute receptionist inviting you to her yoga class. It's completely irrelevant. If you were invited - you accept. There, you talk to any and everyone. Be friendly, be normal, be real.
You'll meet tons of incredible women and it will be effortless. Then, and only then, can you stop a cutie on the street to speak to her.
"How do I know this to be true? By looking inside myself" - Tao Te Ching
Your fan,
Mack
CHAT
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