I can't hold a conversation with ANYONE and it's really sad. The only people I can hold conversation with are my friends, but its only because were all gamers. I know a lot of cute girls but I can't think of what to say to them, like I'll see them around and we say hi to each other but no matter how hard I try or want to talk to them my mind is blank, if I'm really desperate to talk to them I'll ask them something about our clubs or classes, but that only lasts like a minute at most and I can't keep saying the same thing each time. There's this one really cool/cute girl who goes the same path as me every morning in my highschool but as I've said I can't hold conversation, sometimes I'll walk with her and just ask her questions like the hopeless person I am, but as I've said, I can't do that forever so in the end I just try to avoid her. If I see her behind me and she hasn't see me I walk faster and if I'm behind her I walk slower. I so desperately want to have a nice long and meaningful conversation with her and others, but I just don't know what to say. Also, I'm not sure if its because of my shyness/anxiety but my speech slurs a lot, I mumble or my tongue twists often and many times people ask me to repeat myself.

A little background is I'm a skinny Asian and I'd make stupid random comments in class out of nowhere which I guess some girls find kind of funny, being in the same class made it easy to befriend them. But you can't be random forever, it gets old and people grow tired of it. So instead of being random I just stay quiet and awkward, which really makes it hard to stay friends with these girls or keep in contact with them.

I don't really know what I'm expecting by posting this, or if I'm even posting in the right section, but if you know of some way or something I can do to fix these things I would really, really appreciate it.

Hey man, right or wrong section, doesn't matter, as long as you get the right answer to your question... here go my two cents... conversation skills, like any other skills, depend mostly on the amount of PRACTICE you get... you will not build muscles sitting on the couch watching TV, as you will not build conversation skills sitting quietly by yourself... go out, meet new people and practice, talk about things that they would find interesting, develop a habit of going out of your comfort zone and become educated about other things than games... luckily for you, life is structured in such a way that unless you choose to go the Ted Kaczynski way and live in the forest, you will have to interact with other people and make conversation... in a nutshell, try to develop generic knowledge about many things, think "inch deep and mile wide" rather than focus exclusively on few things... second, talk to everybody and get used to switch between two or three threads of conversation with the same person, be creative... grab a copy of Mystery's books and see what he has to say... good luck!

I was a gamer throughout high school and part of college, so I feel your pain.

What helped me the most with my conversation skill is developing natural curiosity about people and things i knew little about. The funny thing is, the more I learned, the more I wanted to know!

Go talk to people and find out what they are like. What was it like growing up where they are? What turns them on? What are their hobbies? What is their ambition in life and how are they going to get there?

Do this on a consistent bases and you will be a social butterfly in no time!

Al

I was there too and am currently working on it. What is helpful is to train yourself step by step. For instance, you can read the news and as soon as you're about to have a conversation with someone you mention what you read, your point of view and you can even ask for there's.
Something I heard and that was very helpful was to think of a conversation as a coat rack. When the other person is talking is like a rack that continually expands. Each new thought is a hook you can hold on to and relate to a thing you've seen, heard or experienced in the past.
All it takes is training that you can take in a series of baby steps if you're not too comfortable.

When you first approach a girl tell her you're a gamer nerd and you think she's hot.

Who cares?

You are who you are. Stop walking on egg shells when you have a convo with women. Don't stress over the outcome as much. Be interested in her and say what's on your mind. I've seen dudes pick up girls with pokemon references lol. You obviously have a sense of humor, use it.

Always close for a phone number all you gotta say "I think you're a cool person can we exchange information?{

always close always close always close... if not it's a missed opportunity.

if you fail who gives a shit? Failing is actually success because you won't go home thinking "what if?". Every man gets turned down. get over it... get out there and take action. Your conversation skills will improve as well.

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bro i know what alot of people are telling you on the post are making you think like "no way and i hell i'm going to just go up and say hi." Let me tell you this now. Practice makes perfect, which also means trail and error. she isn't the love of your life. I say talk to her but if that is to much for you at the moment then talk to other girls or people get used to it. Your gonna fail and maybe even hard it's how it works here. you will face rejection more than most guys who don't try to even say hi, but you gain more than they ever would. you have to put your self in uncomfortable situations like that. i'm 18 so i just graduated so i know were your coming from it's a fear of being rejected and being teased and embarresed by it. what i would say practice talking to people try to read on stuff other than video games talk to random people doesn't even have to be in school. the more you do this the more confident you'll become. now i learned this from julien RSD rejection is just unfinished business not and end to life. even if she were to reject you now work on yourself and improve and comeback and she will take you or you'll be able to hold a good convo with her were she'll be cool talking to you and being around which is a plus in it's self. Seek improvement and never give up. trying hanging around people more out going and don't be needy like desperate trying to talk to her cause they can tell. Talk for your amusement (this is a level confidence you must get it's really low level to) everything is confidence man that's is all. you can be freaking ugly and still get 10's don't do things to make her happy do it to make yourself laugh and entertain. trust me you'll understand once you start seeing improvements. this doesn't just happen over night. It takes time and EFFORT. This is a quote i live by, "more people give up from the lack of effort than, the lack of talent." good luck

I forgot I posted this and just came back across it now. Thank you to everyone who replied, I find everything you guys said very insightful, inspirational, and helpful. I'd like to reply and thank you all individually but sadly, as I've said I have terrible social skills to the point that I would just sound very repetitive if I were to do so. Currently I'm working on getting fit, to make myself look and feel better. If it works out then that will give me the confidence to be more outgoing and push for more social interaction. But again thank you everyone, I will be looking back at this post constantly as the replies are very helpful.

just ask girls questions, but every time they answer you, make a statement or two about her answer, then ask her another question about that same topic, but with a slight twist to it (and make it open ended).
example:
you: what's your major?
her: psychology
you: i heard that's really hard to get into. my friend is a psychology major too, but she hates it. what kind of work do you want to do?
her: well, i really like working with people, maybe a therapist...
you: you seem like you would be a badass therapist. you totally have to get the fancy office and a sweet leather reclineable chair. what therapy advice would you give me if i was your patient?
her: well...

every time you ask her a question, you must "riff" on her answer and take it as far as you can until you change the subject or she starts asking you questions. the pattern is: question statement statement question statement statement.
she will drop hints about what she wants to talk about. if you ask the right questions to get her to talk about that thing, she will do most of the talking. you must listen and respond only with something relevant to what she said previously, so pay attention.
if she talks about something you don't know about, ask "what is that like? what's that about? how is that? how does that work out?" and get her to teach you about it. be genuinely curious. if she talks about something you are familiar with, make statements about how it relates to you in your own life, then follow up with an opinion.
most conversations follow this pattern in this order:

what's up? how's your day/what did you do today? where are you going/what are you doing right now? what's your name? where are you from? where do you work/what's your major? what do you like (activities, music, movies)? what is your goal for the future? what is the meaning of life?

the answers to these questions increase in length as the conversation goes on. when you run out of things to say, fall back on one of these questions in this order. each answer she gives you has the potential for deep conversation.
if you already know her, only ask the first three questions. since she knows you, she should give you more detailed responses. you must be willing to set the topic yourself at this point, talk about something on your mind (like the weather, or a tv show, or anything). you can also ask, "what class are you coming from/what class are you heading to now/was that your last class of the day/how many more classes do you have today?" whatever she answers with, "riff" on that with statement statement question.
above all, if you see anything situational, talk about that instead. situational stuff always has priority (because it shows you are in the moment).

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Oh man, I feel your pain. I feel I have at least one hour worth of good conversation in me and then I have nothing else to say, and most of the time I am thinking "ok ok, what interesting thing can I say now" and the thought of what to say next always overlaps with the thought of what I am saying at that moment or what the other person is saying to me. Some people are just so good at conversations I am just amazed how they do it.

The other night I was at a restaurant with a group f people part of this Meetup thing and I was sitting next to this cute girl, and I was being very charming, and she kept lauging at what I had to say that the whole table kept looking at me, like this guy is making this girl have a good time. I managed to sustain a hot 30 minutes of good conversation with this girl but then I got tired and really just wanted to stay quiet. It was such an effort to engage again.

About your cute friend that goes running with you. Here is a bold idea...next time just run up to her (have you seen Silver Linings?!) and shout at her "Hey! are you going my same way too?!". Then tell her, that it is difficult for you to have a conversation but that you enjoy her company when you run. Sometimes girls like that kind of honest cuteness.

It's great what everyone's saying about asking questions. But ask too much and you'll be a boring interviewer. (It depends really). What you need to know is how to lead conversations by putting out your material or your stories.

The reason why some of you found it very hard to converse or sustain a conversation is because you're not conditioned to it. And I blame your parents. (I blame mine too!) Or you lived in a house where there's not much talking and you just spend your time alone in your room or with your closes friends, playing video games and shutting off from the world.

And now that when you want to socialize, you've found it extremely hard. Because you weren't conditioned for it in the first place. But worry not, I have great tips for you.

1. Join a Toastmasters club.
It helps you become more confident, more open, and more enthusiastic to lead conversations.

2. Join acting classes.
It's great, highly boosts your confidence and you have no fear of doing things you think other people are gonna judge you about.

3. Be a teacher (or a tutor).

Though I really suggest you to join toastmasters. It helps a lot. What you need to do is to be more relaxed and aware. To me the secret to life of happiness and things seemingly going your way, is to be aware of this. Once you start to notice things, you'll realize the proper way to correct them. And other thing, be involved. Don't just be the one guy in the group that's always so detached from the group convo. Be involved! Don't be afraid of blurting out your own material.

And lastly, be honest. An insecure man with routines is still and insecure man. Sure you have routines but if you convey terribly body language, people can really read this. But if you're honest, say, you tell her she's cute and look beautiful with that dress, that's being honest yeah? And you convey a great deal of seriousness and body language. Bam.

Good luck out there man.

_________________
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