Although I don't have many friends(maybe one or none at the moment in fact) I don't really consider myself to be all that shy except for maybe around beautiful women. Here's the thing. I consider myself to be pretty outgoing even with total strangers depending on the situation. I don't have any problems talking to people in general and consider myself to be friendly and a fun kind of person.

That said here's what I came up with. I realized after thinking about it that the reason I have never had a serious relationship with a woman is simply because I don't like to do things that I am not comfortable doing. Approaching women(especially in a romantic situation)seems to be outside of my comfort zone so I don't do it(at least not very often). This might explain why women never(or very rarely at best)approach men for romantic purposes. They feel uncomfortable doing it and it's outside of their comfort zone. Plus theres the simple fact that they don't feel they need to or that it's their responsibility. Maybe they are right. Who knows and who cares. The thing is that I tend not to do things that are outside of my comfort zone especially when I try those things and am unsuccessful. It's like why should I keep doing something if I am not getting positive results. So now I need to figure out a way to break out of my comfort zone or at least find a comfortable way to do it. I think not having expectations can go a long way in determining outcome but it isn't enough to get past the fear factor. As I said in another thread women know you are interested as soon as you open your mouth.

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Mike

one thing that will help you considerably is to expand your social circle, mix and mingle in a jingling beat, people know people, its not who you are its who you know.


this will make you more socially conscience too, sometimes i just like to watch how people interact with each other,


as they say in the movie "friday" you gotta get out there and apply yo self smokie

we all get rejected

i could not tell you how many times i have been rejected

its in the hundreds at least, but thats what makes me successful, is that i keep on truckin, when one turns me down i just move on to the next, but i also try and analyze what i did wrong so i can learn from it.

go out and have fun, thats what you should do

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"100 PERCENT FREE GUITAR LESSONS @ http://www.stringmania.blogspot.com" "I will turn your face to alabaster, when you find your servant is your master" - The Police - Wrapped around your finger."
Skittlepimp

OK. You know you are right. I have been unsuccessful not so much because I failed with women but because I haven't even tried. I haven't failed much because I haven't tried much. I have been scared of getting past a normal friendly conversation with women.

I need to expand my social circle as you say. The thing is I don't know where to meet people. Bars? The grocery store? Coffee shop? None of these places has worked for me. I don't just mean women but people in general. There are some networking websites I have stumbled onto so I will look into that. I belong to a gym but haven't gone there in a while. It's not a very good place to meet or even talk to women(or anyone for that matter)but at least it could help me look better. Also, there is a restaurant/bar that is going to open up very close to where I live which looks like it will be kind of classy so that might be worth looking into. The thing is without a wingman I don't have much confidence in approaching groups of women and in bars or most social situations they are almost always not by themselves.

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Mike

talk to everyone, everywhere, this is what you should do first, this will give you a good sense of knowing how to read situations and how to interact with others. one of the best things you can do is listen, make sure you listen to what others say when you talk to them, you will see that there is an art to conversation.


just jump in, for starters you could just start getting used to talking to people, and dont worry about pickup.


sometimes i like to go to places like the mall and just observe all the people, i take note of how they interact with each other, i look to see how they get along, who is annoying who.....etc....


you can do it, dont use the net to meet people, get out of the house, people are everywhere, grocery stores, mall, parks, college, just go out and mix and mingle in a jingling beat

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"100 PERCENT FREE GUITAR LESSONS @ http://www.stringmania.blogspot.com" "I will turn your face to alabaster, when you find your servant is your master" - The Police - Wrapped around your finger."
Skittlepimp

Well, I am going to continue using the net but I won't rely only on it. I will go out more and do some of the things you said. So far I don't like coffee shops or bars or supermarkets or anything really and I guess that's my problem. Lol. It really sucks not having any friends or people to go out with and I think that more than anything else has hurt my game. I think it would hurt any man's game(ironically it would only help a woman's game).

I went out tonight actually to a rather high class restaurant that also has a bar. I didn't talk to any women there(no opportunity)except for the usual did you move my coat thing(I thought someone moved my coat but they only moved my chair). I didn't make an issue out of it although I do think it was rather bold for them to do that. At any rate I did talk to some dudes there for a bit but ofcourse that's not really why I go out(it was just to be friendly and relieve boredom). As I was leaving the place and in my car driving out of the parking lot, I noticed two women(probably hb 9 or 10s) walking(wearing next to nothing in this cold weather). I looked at them closely until they saw me and then just waved at them as I kept driving without waiting for a reaction from them. When I looked back I saw them moving around a bit as if they were laughing. So in a sense mission accomplished! I got a reaction which ofcourse is better than no reaction.

As for you getting rejected I have some thoughts on that. If I talk to a woman and I am not getting a good vibe from her and I discontinue talking and move on I am not really getting rejected because I didn't put myself in that situation. I think the key is being able to read a woman(not just body language but the over all interaction)to see if she is interested or not. It's true that you can't always tell but usually you will know after a while or by the time you are ready to leave and are thinking about getting her number. Ofcourse you could always say something like "you know I think we had a good conversation going....what do you think?"Or "you seem like an interesting person am I right? or "are you someone I should get to know better?" And then at some point you could say "would you feel comfortable exchanging contact information?"My point is that unless you are asking a woman on a date or to dance and she says no you aren't really getting rejected you are just not progressing. You could also say you are discovering if she has good taste in men or not. My problem is not just meeting women but getting to where I can have a conversation with them. Maybe I should go out to public places where they are by themselves and not with their girlfriends. I do agree that you have to get out there. I just don't usually go out just to look for women or read body language or whatever but I suppose I should. The more I do go out the more I realize what a tough game it is. No wonder I have the tendency to sit at home in front of the computer where it's safe.

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Mike