I would like to put forwards a slightly different view on what I perceive AA to be and how to work towards banishing it.
Is rejection that bad? Is that what I fear? Personally, no! Not when I actually think about it. My logical mind cannot accept this is a reason not to approach. So instead I make up an excuse for why I’m not going to approach, like because she isn’t my type, or she has a boyfriend, or ..
.... so....
do it anyway for practise. There is never a good reason not to approach anyone.
When I don’t approach my mind races with lots of future based thoughts, what to say next, how to react if something happens. But to me AA is not a “fear” or “phobia”. It is the by-product of unconscious behaviours. The “excuses” that come out of your mouth when you don’t approach are your conscious mind trying to explain and rationalise the actions that you don’t understand. They are not
real excuses, but you lie to yourself to make them seem real. Unfortunately your brain is playing tricks on you.
Two of these unconscious behaviours are as follows;
Self-handicapping (Google it for more info)
This is when people avoid effort in order to protect their self-esteem. Un-conscious decisions like going out the night before a big exam. Therefore if the exam is failed, it’s because of the hangover, not because of your own failure.
Learned Helplessness - (Google it for more info)
A survival instinct where you have learned to become helpless, even when an opportunity has presented itself to avoid this situation. Think of the time you have froze up when you wing tells you to open a set.
Overall, the above two observations changes nothing about the pickup process. BUT for me, knowing that they stem from an unconscious behaviour makes it that much easier to deal with. AA isn’t like a fear of spiders or rollercoasters. That is why the 3-second rule does work in pickup, but would rarely work to conquer other genuine fears (telling someone with a fear of rollercoasters to just get on one and do it would never work).
The solution....? In my opinion the power of NLP & CBT based affirmations are absolutely key. Quite simply you are “re-programming” your brain. They may seem a bit “new-worldly” for some people. But just think that you are trying to retrain your unconscious mind.
Final thought: AA is TOTALLY normal. You are not socially challenged, you are not weird, you are not a loser. You are man enough to attempt something 99% of the population would never have the guts to do. Don't beat yourself up because it's difficult. Just keep trying new things until you find what works for you.
Or am I just talking rubbish????
CHAT
