| Man, I've struggled with approach anxiety for a loooooong time. But last night I tried a few new things.
1) Brought along a true wingman. Made it clear that we're going out for the SOLE purpose of meeting and macking on girls.
2) Quantity leads to quality.
3) No hesitation.
In the past, I've talked myself out of approaching women by convincing myself that the target wasn't worth the emotional risk of rejection. So last night I tried to say hi to almost every woman I passed in the club. "Are you girls having fun? Yeah, good! See you around!" And I'm off. That's not a pick-up; it's just being friendly, outgoing, social. Plus, I figure that if I'm getting heads to turn as I'm walking through the bar, that's good for my social value. As a bonus, I get the temperature of each group of girls. Some give me an enthusiastic "Cheers!" and others won't make eye contact. So then I know which ones might be receptive to an approach on my way back through. Finally, it shows the women in the place that I'm totally unintimidated by all the social pressure in the place. The same pressure that inhibits them. Thus by talking to me, they can gain some of that same ease and fun that I'm enjoying.
I should stress: Getting into the state that I describe above was the ONLY goal for the night. Because it was the only thing I could really control.
When you do that much talking, you can't get into your own head, and you become much better at calibrating. When you do that many approaches (or should I call them "soft approaches"?), you learn quickly what changes to make in terms of body language, voice tone, conversation, etc. No amount of studying game can prepare you as well as experience.
Toward the end of the night, I had a little too much to drink, and I lost my edge. Valuable lesson learned. I never really got a true rejection, mainly because I never made it known that I wanted to sleep with a girl I met. I realize that I'm going to have to be more candid with the girls next time I go out, and then I'll have a chance to close the deal. But given my history, it was a little unrealistic to hope that I could conquer both my fear of approach and my fear of rejection on the same night.
The wingman factor: We've listed all the ways that wingmen help, but the thing that's crucial to me is simply hanging with someone who knows exactly what my intentions are. When I'm by myself, or when I'm with friends who don't know about PUA, I'm bashful about being perceived as being on the prowl. Whereas when I'm with a wing, it's a singular mission. Mind, body and spirit all on the same page. And I can derive power from the honesty of my intentions.
I'm not naive. I realize that I'll get the same queasiness the next time I go out, and that you never quite lick approach anxiety. But I know that if I've done it once I can do it twice -- and then a million more times. That's such a euphoric feeling, I wanted to share it with you guys. And for those of you who also struggle with approach anxiety, maybe some of what worked for me will work for you.
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CHAT