A little you need to know about me to see where im coming from with this article , why I believe I should be telling you this and maybe to relate to a few of you guys with your experiences . I am in essence trying to help you guys at the bottom who want to have a bigger social network , who don’t have the courage to talk to people , who think too much , who may not have any friends at all.
Ok to summarise what should be a huge intro:- From school I decided I wanted to join college ( high school) , I knew no one there I thought it would be a cool experience getting myself out of my comfort zone . I’m 15 at this time I f-closed for the first time and life is going good. Bam summer starts I get disgusting cyctic acne ( I mean it was really gross) , so bad we had to cancel our family holiday to America and the insurance company after seeing my pictures understood completely and paid out . I locked myself in my bedroom for 3 months, completely isolated from society and as many social interactions as possible over summer. If it weren’t for a few close friends being honest I’d probably be dead I was in such a bad place , depressed at that age for that amount of time sends you a bit loopy as well ( you may think im over reacting a bit but trust me when I say I was in a really bad place and seen their to be no way forwarrd). The acne subsides abit enough for me to cover a lot of it up with make up and im now entering a strange new environment(college) where everyones older than me, I know no one , I felt like I didn’t fit in ,everyones talking to one another accept me, I didn’t talk to anyone and ive lost most of my connections I had with other friends over the summer holidays. I came through it I over came my AA and I have a vast group of friends and I make new friends every week and Im going to attempt to give you a few tips. It’s just important to remember that the rules I state here I do not follow at the time being or regard in anyway on “How to become a PUA” . These rules are simply to get you started out to get you comfortable the building blocks of a person before they can even attempt becoming a "pua".
1. Don’t aim to high at first start with gradual steps otherwise you’re more likely to relapse and go back to your comfort zone and never come out again. You need to break the cycle!
2. People will talk to you, when they do don’t latch on to them , don’t become dependent on them it scares them away and any attempts of other people opening and talking to you have just gone down the drain . Neediness aint cool.
3. If possible make a girl friend, a friend that is a girl, don’t try and woo her with pua just , don’t fal for her, talk to her, listen to her problems about life, just be there for her because trust me they are probably the best friends you can have when your climbing the social ladder, if you ever get into trouble their there for you , it allows you to become more comfortable around girls, they give you fashion advice, their just all round awesome. A tip for keeping a girl round is when she’s looking for a compliment you give her that god damn compliment!( positive reinforcement duh! )
4. Learn about body language and how to hold yourself, if you look more opening and confident people won’t feel awkward around you.
5. If you’re really starting from the bottom of the bottom, practise talking to people over the internet first, there’s less pressure and you can exit at any time you like
6. Natural game , conversational topics , fluent openers all come from experience , one of the most important things I can ever stress is experience “get yourself out there , listen to a range of music , don’t just devote yourself to metal because your that hardcore be open to some mainstream music , some underground electro maybe even be ,shamefully a Justin Bieber fan.
7. Im going to expand on number 6 get more hobbies. Buy an iron gym and work out more eventually move onto the gym, pick a sport even if you hate sports and become a devout fan ( it will help you connect with guys later on in life) besides everyone needs something their passionate about. Maybe learn an instrument, you get the idea. ( all these hobbies are so useful so later on when you’re looking for friends you can connect on something and share experiences with one another)
8. If you get nervous and awkward in social situations learn some nlp to associate a certain motion with the feeling of being relaxed. Smile
it looks good on you and makes people more welcoming and comfortable around you.
9. It won’t be easy everything worth having never is, you need to be optimistic to rise to the top( theirs no lead in your zeppelin ……….Oh yes I DID ! ) even in the most obvious situations, everything can have a positive spin on it . “Why did that person ignore me? they hate me , what have I done ?” can be replaced with “ He/she probably has a lot on their mind I hope their ok, I will see how they are next time I bump into them “
10. Try and listen more , If you can listen and give moral support people will depend on you more , remember you don’t depend on them at first and don’t be like “ Hi I’m ****** tell me your problems , it doesn’t work like that”
11. Expose yourself to more comedy the likes of two and a half men, scrubs, friends, how I met your mother etc. When trying to be humorous and a joke doesn’t work you can always say “Cheap gag , but it entertains me “ to save yourself. Also start writing some of these gags down in your drafts in your phone and try and use one every day. You will eventually get the hang of it, I promise
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12. Delivery is more important than the actual words that come out of your mouth, It’s what makes things funny and what makes things boring.
13. If you’re thinking too much chill , sit down , maybe have a drink ? use the nlp association to calm yourself down, enjoy yourself . The main reason I found that I started to think too much was because I was always looking for something to say , to be involved in the convo ( we will come onto this later)
14. At social situations introduce yourself first and if you bump into them later on smile , It makes talking to them later a hell of a lot easier
15. You need a new dress sense with a new you , get into fashion , loose the band tops they were never cool in the first place.Expeiment
16. Have something unique about yourself so people will remember you, I personally smoke cigars.
17. In the class room/ work place/ any social situation which requires a gathering of some sort don’t sit on your own or distance yourself from people. Sit directly in the middle of everyone, you’re exposing yourself and making yourself vulnerable to social situations which you need to
18. Learn to model people , their some Nlp tracks out there which can help but theirs also some books that may be useful
19. Distance yourself from videogames, if you have to make a choice buy more multiplayer games and less roleplaying games. Competition between lads forms bonds and give syou something to do if you invite a friend round.Also learning how to cook can be pretty awesome.
20. If you’re not getting invited to events make them happen yourself! Throw a party, a film fest , A lads poker night which involves smoking cigars drinking whiskey and ending in a strip club! The more you invite people to events the more people are going to want to know you , the more events you will be invited to.
21. Learn to love fear
22. Theirs a difference between DHVing and bragging , In Dhving you seem human , its relevant to the conversation , you have weaknesses or theirs is a point in your dhv story , you are not
awesome you are simply human who has an awesome lifestyle withyour own fault “ I was benching 100kg the other day in the gym coz am ard” ( bragging) “ I was benching 100kg in the gym the other day and felt like the hardest person ever ………….till the point when I dropped the bar on myself trapping myself in the process and letting out a girly scream , I think I’m going to have to get peck implants , I can’t show my face in the gym again !” ( Dhving correctly showing weakness , dhv and light humour)
23.We all go through phases of social development then it seems to go in reverse and counterproductive , deal with it, you will come out on the other side eventually and you will be even more awesome than you were before.
24. A person that cannot be botherd to make an effort and expects things to happen will not see a difference in themself , they need to want this more than anything theyve ever wanted before in their life.
When making conversation first you should become aware of your surroundings ( you need to get the right frames for conversation to become natural) If your in a class room ask the person next to you for something , time , rubber , whats going on ? you dosed off a second . Do you think the teacher will mind if you go the toilet , he/she seems a bit uptight , Oh good God what the hell is that he put on the board ! (Take the general idea of what im saying here and use it in everday life ive used open questions, closed questions , statements ) Delivery can be quite important here , animate yourself.
In work its practically the same also if you go in saying to everyone good morning , or just morning, people will appreciate it and respond to you more.
In party’s when opening guys and making friends I always go by “ That’s a cool shirt , do you mind if I ask where you bought it ?” then bam the person feels complimented and positive so your expected to get a pleasant response . From their response you can then go on to another question “ where is that shop located ?” ( if its online ) wow ive never thought of that , id be to scared that someone would rob my card details ( if its somewhere , where you know) you can go onto conversations about that area “ is that the place where that man jumped off a building ?” ( BOOM new conversation topic which you just give your opnions on things) ( If its somewhere distant you can always make a light joke and say “ wow you travelled all that way just for a t shirt ? that shows devotion” or simply “ what made you go to that place ?”
- Talking about clothes is the easiest conversational topic you can talk about , you can say how you admire their style and how your looking to improve yours ( they sometimes respond with advice) you can joke about your style and say “ yeah I robbed my clothes from a gypsy can you tell ?”. It can even allow you to organise days out with people and gives you an excuse to get their contact info.
I have practiced what Ive preached, However as I said before I don’t follow these rules due to where I believe I am. For example where Ive started if a girls looking for a compliment I would handle that a whole lot different than just giving her the compliment. I hope this helps in any way , I speak from experience and im sure their are other ways of going about this as everyone is different but dont let this be an excuse for not trying rule number 25. Stop making excuses for yourself.
CHAT
