If I analyze my "game", I'd say I am suffering the most on three major issues.

1.) Eye contact. I have really been trying to remember to maintain strong eye contact with people I enter into conversations with. But it's not a natural thing to do. My normal method of conversation is to converse with my mouth and ears. But when you look at someone's face and eyes when you talk to them, you really get a better understanding of what they're saying and thinking. It's really hard for me to realize I'm screwing this up as I'm doing it. Afterwards, I can do a mental replay and realize I screwed up. But identifying the screw up as it's happening and realizing the mistake should be corrected...thare's no little voice in my head telling me to improve this right now. What's the best way to remember to look people in the eye when you talk to them?

2.) I'm reading The Game by Neil Strauss. According to Mystery, the number one characteristic of an Alpha male is the smile. My problem right now is, when I approach and enter conversation, I've run into so many bitches who say rude shit and turn their back on me, I guess I'm so nervous about getting blown out of the set, I've got a mental barrier where I almost EXPECT to get blown out on each approach. As you can imagine, that's gotta affect my smile. Nervous people don't smile. I sense I'm doing better approaching men in mixed sets because I don't expect them to be rude and turn their back to me in the middle of a conversation. How do you smile when deep down inside you're terrified of being blown out? I can fake the body language, I can carry interesting conversation and be the center of attention, I think my facial expressions are good when I speak, but the smile isn't there and I'm not sure a smile can be faked. Any advice.

3.) Escaliting Kino is not natural for me at all. I have no problem escalating kino if they're seated next to me, by means of leg to leg contact. I can do that ok. But as for forcing myself to reach out and put the palm of my hand on a target's shoulder, or grab her arm, that is SO unnatural for me. Without kino, it's almost as if you're just her new "friend" that she met 15 minutes ago. Any advice for overcoming this "fear" of touching someone with the palm of your hand?

_________________
Later,
Alphagame

I don't know if these should be looked at as three separate problems. I think you're just generally not confident enough.

When you start to believe that you're the you're the best damn thing that can happen to her, you'll feel less uncomfortable. Do what it takes to look and feel like the guy you want people to see you as, and eventually things should fall into place. I don't know enough about you to tell you what those things are. That's up to you.

hey man,
glad to see you're trying to break through these barriers. Here's what I would suggest:

1) Practice making eye contact in all your conversations, not just your pickups. Look people in the eye when you speak to them; your boss, your coworkers, your professors, your friends, etc. It denotes confidence. Practice it outside of the game!

2) Aside from JUST SMILING.... you could build up your cockiness. Beyond being confident, you need to tell yourself your the best and make yourself believe. Even if it only lasts for 85 seconds, it may be what you need to get it.

3) This is an easy one. Just do it. Think of it like the 3 second rule. Next time you're vibing with a girl, count to three and put your hand on her back / shoulder / hold her hand. The worst she would do is become confused. No girl you're vibing with would be offended but a small kino move.

Best of luck to you

I think Kino is the easiest one to fix. Just do it sounds like good advice. It just feels really uncomfortable for me. I've just got to force myself out of my comfort zone and do it. The hand on a woman's shoulder is pretty much your only option for kino if you're both standing.

As for self confidence, I don't think the eye contact is as much a self confidence issue as it is a bad habit I've had my entire life. Just fixing my body language and voice tone over the last 60 days has really given me "alpha" over most males my age and a ton of confidence. Plus, I have a TON of stuff going for me, but I won't bore you with the "braggy" details. I really don't think I have a self confidence issue, though I will admit, self confidence is not a static thing. Self confidence levels are always either headed up or down.

I think I just need to FOCUS and force myself to hold eye contact while talking to others. Maybe if quiz myself after I meet someone new...what color were his/her eyes?

As for the smile, I'm not a cheezy person. I'm very analytical. Smiling doesn't come very natural to me. I will say, if I force myself to get in front of other people and be an alpha male and take control of the conversation, a smile is gonna come a lot more naturally than if I'm standing or seated in a bar all alone by myself with no one else around. I guess half the battle is just having someone else to interact with. Sarging alone in the bars, forcing yourself to enter mixed sets, helps a lot. I know my facial expressions are ok, and I can measure that by how much I'm waiving my arms and hands around when I talk. But facial enthusiasm and smiling are not one in the same. You can have a very serious look on your face, with a lot of enthusiasm, and not be smiling. Not sure how to improve this or even how to guage it.

_________________
Later,
Alphagame

Kino - me I tend to go for the back of the arm, the leg (if sitting) and then the small of the back - particularly if you are working your way thru a crowd.

Eye contact - the others are right - practice it EVERYWHERE. It's a tool/skill that will help outside of women too. Making eye contact with the boss, a cop or anyone else show confidence and makes them remember you - todays society is so friken PC that eye contact is not a habit anymore.

Smile - smiling is hard for me - so I tell jokes - laughing is easy. Also the one body language indicator people often overlook is the eyebrows - hard to describe - you need to really see it but when doing cocky funny, an arched eyebrow can pull shit off like you wouldn't believe - esp if the smile isn't natural.

PS - make sure you have 2 eyebrows -- 5 buck worth of waxing at a goods barbershop will do wonders. You don't have to be Fabio to pick up women but trying to see how bad you can look and work? Why?

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duck
I got to get into this dude's pelt and crawl around for a few days. Who's the gopher's ally? His friends. The harmless squirrel and the friendly rabbit.

i also have a problem with eye contact, i've read a few books on body languge and NLP and have practised the social glaze but my problem is i don't know how long to look, without me feeling intimidated or either person feeling uncomfortable? i am new to this but so was everyone once

One thing to remember about eye contact that a lot of guys tend to forget as well is that too much eye contact comes off as extremely creepy. Hold your eye contact for a few seconds, then drift to the top of her head, then back. Hold a few more seconds, go to her chin and back. Here's one of my favorites......Hold your eye contact for a few seconds, then look off as if something catches your eye, then return. This lets her know things are more important than her.

Kino has been touched pretty well, I'll leave that alone.

Smiling is important, but a lot of guys are under some impression that they are only alpha if they walk around with a big fake smile all the time. If you're having fun and you're inrested in what's going on around you, you should be smiling. Simple as that. Women can spot a fake smile a mile a way and they're going to think you look like one of the Roxbury brothers.

I agree...there is no way to fake a smile. You have to be in a good mood and if you are, your face will show it automatically.

I think the BEST thing to do to bring your mood up, at least for me, is open up some strangers and get them into conversation. Doesn't matter if they're men or women. It makes me feel "liked" or "accepted socially" and that always works to raise my mood. And the good thing about opening strangers, is, more often than not, you take on the "alpha" role when you force yourself to do this. You're the center of the conversation because you're the new guy. This is a good mindset to have for your approach....I'm gonna be the center of attention.

The problem is, the 3 second rule and how this all works together. If you're walking into a bar and you don't know anyone and you just don't "feel" it, forcing yourself to walk up to a group of women when you're not in the right "mood" (ie not smiling)...you're gonna bomb almost every time. When this is the case, I think the best thing to do is avoid making eye contact with any of the potential targets, find a group of guys, preferably a mixed set, and open them up. Once you get them opened up and your laughing and smiling with them, then your mood is fixed and you are naturally smiling, without even thinking about it. Then, you're good to start approaching targets.

Approaching without a smile is a suicide mission, in my opinion. Don't force the approach if you don't feel it. Bombing on an approach is harmful to your self confidence. You slowly start expecting to eventually get blown out of the set...that's where I am now. I've got to get my expectations set on winning instead of losing. Right now, my expectation is to approach, open and then get blown out because that's ALL that's happened to me for the last month solid. I haven't number closed a chick in WEEKS and back in July, I was cleaning up. Somehow, I'm remembering my failures much more so than my successes. I' must be somehow tying the two together...approaching women and failure. It's somehow being reflected in my "presentation".

_________________
Later,
Alphagame

Ok guys, it's been a little over a month and I've been cleaning up again. Ive come a long way since I started this thread.

One problem I still have, and I was called out on it by my target last night: EYE CONTACT.

I was talking to her for a few minutes and SHE pointed out to me that I was not making eye contact with her. This was probably just her shit test, which I must have passed, but as soon as she pointed it out, I totally realized it.

I have GOT to get in the habit of looking people in the eye when I talk to them. I think I've made minor improvement, but I still totally struggle with this. It's not natural for me. I'm trying to break a 38 year old habit. With body language, I can easily catch myself in a bad position and fix it because I can actually see my arms and legs and feel my body. Eye contact doesn't work that way. There is nothing you're going to see that lets you know you're screwing this up while you're in conversation with another person. If you're truly into the conversation, you aren't thinking about eye contact. The only way I've been able to "improve" eye contact is to consciuosly think about it. If the conversation is good, I'm not going to be thinking "Eye Contact, Eye Contact" beause I'm thinking about the conversation.

Any advice for fixing poor eye contact???

_________________
Later,
Alphagame

try focusing in on each eye, one at a time - it gives your eyes somethig to do so you dont feel as if youre "staring" too much. Remember (soemone already posted- overdoing it eye contact can be creepy but it seems like you have the opposite problem so try that and try looking at other parts close to her eyes like her brows or her hair that falls a bit on her face.