| Have a read of this after the main post Kara-Ku-Jitsu.
When I approach anyone, any intentions I have must first give way to introduction & rapport. In business for example I will only show my hand when there is a mutual benefit for it. While I strive not to be aloof & usually maintain an openness within the impression making stages, I find it a weakness of people to give away their strategy when they don't know who they are talking to. I find some people that do this tend to be boastful & validation seeking.
Here is an account of a recent experience that I think will show how agenda can cause suspicion if it is not announced for good reason.
An informal gathering of colleagues after a celebratory dinner. I'm there with people that represent a sister organization to the one I work with. Among the attendees are friends of my colleagues within the two organizations.
Since my colleagues are people I respect & some of them are truly friends, there's a high chance that I'll make acquaintances that would become friends also. I am introduced to many people, the conversations are exclusively within the parameters of current affairs relevant to our work & the discussion of things related to our pursuits in our free time. Everyone I encounter has a story to tell, or a good story to extricate after a little wine. Here also are some female colleagues who look absolutely stunning now that they've had the excuse to exhibit their selves & their seldom seen attributes for the occasion.
One lady in particular draws my eye & since she's clearly making her way around the guests with another lovely dame I walk towards her. I already have a wonderful woman in my life, & I require nothing from anyone in this room. However, I may be useful to some of the people's agenda's here & I am always grateful of the new people in my life that happen to be wonderful. At that moment a guy I have never seen before from the other company glides up to the women & introduces himself to them a little too loudly. I halt my forward momentum & listen in on how this interaction goes.
What is clear to me immediately & anyone else that may have been aware is that this man is obviously interested in one of my colleagues. He has good taste, she's an amazing woman & I can't fault him for desiring her. But I can barely stop cringing as everything he says, every question, every avenue of discussion that he opens & then pursues much too eagerly, is designed solely to impress, to win over & to seek her approval. The body language of the ladies turns defensive: an arm covers a stomach & naval, the other lady glances quickly to her right, as if looking for an escape route.
To his credit the man picks up on this & tries another tactic, using a change of subject to reset the frame of conversation. But it's too late, his words were emboldened by premium imported lager, he's told the ladies of bumblefuck, he told them what he is but not who he is. He's said many things, but all his non verbal language has announced to the world that he wants the girl, without even knowing anything about her besides what she is also- If you're skimreading here you'll have missed out on the fact that I've just written the word bumblefuck just here, so the joke's on you. -He has acknowledged only her physical self, complimented her in front of her friend who he's mostly ignored. He needed at this point either an astute wingman or a time machine to rescue this one way conversation. I was prepared to provide one of these technologies & so I stepped in.
My opening verse to the three was a quip about the food which garnered an immediate response from the girls & so the man played along even though I knew he hadn't heard me. I acknowledged him & introduced myself. Still facing the direction I was heading when I was passing by the man had no reason to be defensive & simply inquired as to who I was & who I was with. These are logistics & of course relevant so I answer him & include a caveat stating that this team bonding event wasn't really my thing & that I'd have been just as happy with a tournament between the two companies on Nintendo Wii.
Immediately I've struck gold by giving a playful avenue to the conversation. The girls have both recently experienced the fun of the console & the man just bought one for his children. We exchange some anecdotes of Wii based mayhem & we're all laughing, because we all share this humour & can relate to the experience we're soon much closer than strangers from fifteen minutes ago ought to be. The guy indulges in some giddy male bonding with me as we discuss our lives & briefly, motorbikes.
He's a hard working family man that doesn't get enough time to himself & I start to appreciate him for his attitude & his honesty regarding his insecurity about his sense of well being. An enquiry about my eye patch that is assumed to be from an injury on the bike results in some more appreciation. And from the guy I soon have a sincere invite to ride out at Boxhill & Louise is ready with comments about how one of their ex boyfriends was a biker., while Claire rides a scooter in London to get around. More relating. The conversations blossoms & at the peak of it I let it be known that I'm leaving & yada yada blah... point being: there's no agenda. If anything my only intention was to make things comfortable for James, the man in this instance & possibly make some new friends. "How about we exchange numbers before you go?"
"Of course, I'll have my people call your people." I say. So easy. Natural. It's would be strange not to with all the goodness invoked in a mere 20 minutes.
The guy had started off on an unnecessary footing. All he had to do was change the order of things. Rapport first, agenda second.
As soon as I came in with my greatest asset & all that I have, my humanity, the shields are dropped. Body language returns to relaxed interest. A comment from one girl regarding the cost of living results in a humorous debate about the government & what may change. And now, at the optimum time I show my intent. To know these people. I speak about my girlfriend & my move to London. We exchange more logistics, only this time with phone numbers. Dinner is planned when I move to London, oh & yes we must all go out & I'd love to meet so & so & yeah it's been an absolute pleasure... I now have welcome additions to my social circle. This was not my intention before I approached. It was my intention during the conversation that I wanted to know these wonderful people.
You will find treasure in everyone. Sometimes we have to dig deeper & it's there. Whether you find treasure or not, give your able values to anyone you like. Put rabbits into hats as Johnny says. One of the things I dislike about PUAs is that some people are in it for the taking. For the conquest. That's not my agenda for this forum but these agendas are welcome here, because they lead to understanding & conquering the self.
We are not trading here, there's no value taking... don't be trading or be-trade. It's a betrayal. It's all for the giving & that is disarming. This is not the truth, merely my harmless truth.
Anything further I can assist with, any questions, just ask.
I will try to make future posts shorter & sweeter than this one. _________________ When you refuse to accept what you cannot change: this is called trauma.
When you decide to change what you cannot accept: this is called revolution.
UK Lair
www.themajesticself.com/forums
|
CHAT