| It's been three weeks since I've been here, and I've made tremendous progress thanks in part to all of the great advice I have received from the mods, and members here. I feel like I should give back something of significance to the forum.
So here's a revelation I've come to, and others have mentioned over and over again. It's deep. It's powerful. It's (social) life changing.
Are you ready for what it is?
'Course you are, you've been ready since the first time you messed up words and blushed in front of a cute girl. You've been ready the first time you realized that something as simple as talking to people was difficult for you. You've been ready ever since you realized you were spending your life in a cave, trying to minimize interactions with people.
I call it my Head Rule. It can be your Head Rule too.
It's this: YOUR HEAD WILL FUCK YOU UP! Yes, that's right. There's so much junk and nonsense and negative past experiences up there, and they all start screaming in unison when you see a cute girl, until all you're hearing is a loud din that makes no sense and prevents you from forming the correct words to even say hi to her and carry on a normal conversation. You become self conscious, you stutter, you fidget, you blush, and hear yourself saying socializing really sucks!
How do you combat this? Simple. But not easy.
Leave your head OUT of it UNTIL you need information from it to feed your already blabbing mouth. That's all. Heard of the 3 second rule? Within 3s of seeing someone you would like to talk to, DO IT! Don't think! Thinking fucks you up! Just do it! In fact, get one of those old Nike shirts and wear it, and touch the Just Do It logo to remind yourself once in awhile.
Now I know many of you will violate this 3s rule by a few seconds or minutes the first few times you try to implement it. Don't be discouraged. What matters is that you don't give up. When you miss that opportunity the first time because you broke the rule, anchor a negative feeling to it...say, pinch yourself hard. That way, you associate pain with violating that rule. When you get it right, smile, rub your belly, pat yourself on the back, do whatever feels good for a while. This way, you associate pleasure with following through. Keep this up in starting all of your conversations, the more often the better.
But now that you've opened the set (started the conversation), you need to implement part 2) of the Head Rule. That is, only use your head as storage device! Think of what people use storage for: putting stuff in, and getting stuff out. Because of your social newbiness, your conversation must not be dictated by irrational impulses and thoughts flying around in your head. Instead, find some routines on these forums, commit them to storage, then select one and bring it out when you can't just "feel" your way through the conversation anymore. Eventually you can get creative. But for now, the goal is to familiarize yourself, and your head, to socializing...and come out of a social situation with a positive learning experience.
That's all. The more you do this, the less you find the effort to be in applying the Head Rule. Eventually, it won't even be a distinct rule you are aware of. It will just be natural. And that's the way it should be.
This has helped me in the three weeks I've spent sarging random people in public places. I spent roughly 10-15 hours a week going out to talk to strangers in stores and malls. Follow through, check the thread in my signature for great advice from the pros, and I promise it will help you too.
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CHAT
