Every guy I meet through my work as a dating coach has something in common. He is not satisfied with his love life. He wants to learn how to meet more women and create stronger connections. He wants to know how to approach, what to say, and how to act to facilitate a good first impression…
Now – I have a few friends that are incredible with women. Unfortunately they fail to understand why other guys struggle. In other words, they don’t understand what the issue is. There advice would be to “just toughen up – be a man and go for it – and if it doesn’t work out, try again – and if that fails. Move on.” Sounds so simple doesn’t it?
I was out the other night with a good friend of mine. We went to a well known club in Sydney. Now this guy is superb with women. He is like a walking magnet and attracts attention where ever he goes. He can even give me a run for my money… Well sometimes. (jokes)
Not only does my friend approach women, but women also approach him.
We are having a drink by the bar and he says to me “Col, see all those guys standing around checking out the girls – they might as well go home if they plan on picking up, they look so unhappy and needy.” “Why don’t you go over and show them how it’s done?” I laughed and told him to mind his business and finish his drink. He then begins to tell me that there is probably nothing I could do to help them anyway.
Now keep in mind that this guy is a true natural with women. His had amazingly gorgeous girlfriends and always has other girls hanging around hoping they will be next. Is he arrogant? Yes! But… Does he have the slightest clue about why he is so successful? Most likely, the answer is no.
The comments that he made to me about not been able to teach them anything and help them out… I asked what he meant by that.
Carefully read his answer – it’s full of gold and typical of the true natural’s outlook.
My friend goes on to tell me that they these guys look desperate. They are totally focused on scoring for the night. He says “they don’t even know how to have fun with their friends.” He explains that even if I gave them some magic pick up lines and things to talk about, they would be so focused on trying to get the girls to like them that it would just scare them off faster.
My friends words, not mine…
Now as I stated, my friend is very successful, but he does not consciously know how he does it. He just has fun in the moment and creates his own luck. He has a vibe. And it’s this vibe that draws women in. In his mind he is successful is because he is able to have fun while expecting that women will join in. He doesn’t feel the need to try.
You see, men that are unsuccessful with women don’t know how to have fun without them. On some level they are always looking to get attention and impress. They need a woman’s approval. This neediness is what ultimately pushes them away.
Men want to learn the so called “secrets” but there are none. What you do and say to a woman will not attract her. Its how you live with yourself that determines your success.
This article is full of little nuggets of gold. Think hard about the content… It could be the realisation that you need.
Talk to you soon.
Colin Dubb
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