Why You Should Not Persue a Relationship in the Workplace!



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PostPosted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 8:32 pm 
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So this girl and guy I work with have an odd relationship which I seem to have gotten myself stuck in the middle of. I am looking advice on what I should do. My current stance is to stay out of it.

They worked together last year, and that's when the creepy sexual texts started. He would send them to her and she started to get a bit creeped out, but she had to work with him everyday and he acted perfectly normal at work.

This year he doesn't have a girl friend and I also work with them. I get a drive to and from work with her so we get alot of time to talk. I started out getting this creepy vibe from him, but as I worked more one on one with him he seemed like a normal guyl. Eventually though he started to talk about me behind my back to this girl and tried to turn her against me. I am guessing this is because he is jealous of my relationship with her which is purely as a friend. I am completely honest with her though so he never got me in trouble.

Now I am working with her more by myself as he is having to do work with other people. He gets stuck working with other guys and always complains about it when he is with us. I always stick up for myself and tell them I am working with her. He always texts her when we are alone, which really annoys her.

Recently it has gotten to the point where she has gotten really angry at him for his annoying chit chat texts and attempts and gossiping about me. She has started to discuss how he has started to try and hang out with her outside of work. I pointed out that this is because he probably wants to sleep with her, which he himself has told me. This lead to him going off the deep end at me for ruining there friendship. I apologized for telling her the truth, but I did not apologize for telling her his intentions.

Now me and her are the only ones that talk at work, and he mopes all day and refuses to talk to both of us although he is not angry at her at all. My big question is: Is he blaming his failure to attract her on me, essentially using me as a space goat to avoid accepting his own failure?

I could care less usually and would walk away from it, but for some reason this idiot wanted to persue a relationship in the workplace. This is a prime example of how unless you know what you are doing, you can really mess-up you workplace dynamics by trying to date someone at work.

I know this was a long read, but this is as condensed as I could get it.
Any suggestions on what I should do?


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 9:48 pm 
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This is why I have a strong no work place policy... or any place where I cant completely remove myself from the girl.

This country has strong sexual harassment laws. Is there some type of protocol for this at your organization?


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 11:08 pm 
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There is definitely some pretty strong sexual harassment laws. She would not peruse them though because she would feel bad getting the guy fired. She told me she wants to remain friends with him. She thinks it's pretty obvious that she doesn't like him, but he doesn't seem to get it. He knows now of course because she got really mad at him, and blames me for her not liking him. The sexual harassment is there, but really hard to prove as he never escalates when she is at work. Only through text or after work when he tries to meet up with her.


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 28, 2012 12:56 am 
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Well if no one wants to do anything about it I would suggest not dealing with it. Its make a move or dont. I think that any unwanted advances count...so texts after hours do apply. Sounds like a d-bag... doesnt do anything at work but does later. Can you both just ignore the guy until he gets bored or tires himself out?


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 28, 2012 9:23 am 
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are you postive this girl isn't just looking for attention from you by creating drama?

this seems somewhat familiar, I was in a situation that sort of started the way your post is last year, except I was in the position of ''creepy text guy'', and to me, the guy in your position was labbeled by the girl as ''awkward gay friend guy that annoys me'', basically met this girl where I work before I met my girlfriend, at the time I was looking to hookup with a girl long term as I had just switched my shifts and it was becomming increasingly more difficult to go out with my friends, ended up sleeping with a girl that worked for the salon here, 2 weeks later one day she tries to invite herself over to my appartment, I blow her off cause I actually had other plans, she gets super butthurt about it, I offered for her to come over the next day but she flakes, then 2 days later when I'm back from my 2 days off, the guy that was labelled by her as ''annoying gay friend guy'' tells me that he made out with her over my days off, and he is going to start dating her, he just let me know so that I would stop pursueing her (as he asked me a week prior if I liked her, and I told him yes), so I tell him that's fucked up and she is trying to play us cause I already slept with her, he tells me that she told him that I never made a move on her and that she only likes me as a friend, so he blows up and thinks im lieing, and descides to confront her with me present on a shift change, so she gets confronted, she shuts down, says that she likes us both, but to be fair she will not see any of us, so instead of doing that, the next day she tries to sell me this big long speech about how she didn't realize I really liked her and she thought I just wanted to use her for sex, she tells me she doesn't really like ''annoying gay friend guy'' she really likes me, then she tries to invite herself over to my appartment, how ever I was butthurt about the whole thing so I started ignoring her out of being jealous and needy cause I was looking forward to ltr'ing this girl at the time and didn't get my way, so anyways find out the next week from another co-worker who is best friends with ''annoying gay friend guy'' that she had been dating him since they ''made out'' and she never stoped trying to see either of us at all, she was just trying to pull some scadelous shit the whole time and just see us both

and also, before I met this girl at the salon (lets call her hbA), my co-worker actually talked to me about trying to get dates because another guy that works at a phone store (lets call him D) came out with me to sarge at hudsons and started talking me up just because I can say hi to people I don't know and ask them for phone numbers, so anyways I showed him some mystery method routines and gave him a breif outline on a compliance ladder and tried to get this guy laid twice with 2 other girls that worked where we work, so he was aware of some routines and the theory behind the mystery method, eventually I found out instead of just using the routines or trying to game hbA, he was just trying to pre-emtively explain the mystery method to hbA in the hopes it would cockblock me and was saying a bunch of negative things about me, the only problem with this was, she obviously didn't care

then to take things further down the line, these two continued to date for a grand total of 1 month, when my co-worker found out that she had cheated on him, and it totally made things awkward for all 3 of us at work especially him and her because they started to resent each other and eventually my co-worker quit, but hbA still works at the salon

not saying that what happened to me is what is going on with you, but there are always two sides to every coin, are you positive she isn't just making a nice bit of drama for herself for some attention?

if she hates him so much, why does he have her phone number?, and if this is such a problem for her, why does she still communicate with him? if this is so annoying, why even be friends with him?

why are her actions, not lining up with her words?

anyways, thats just some weird food for thought for you

if I was in your position, just like I sort of was last year but in reverse and could play it out again, I would just not pay any mind to any other guys (like I did last year even if it was a mistake, and I will continue to play it this way anyways), and if I could do something different, it would be to pay more attention to the girl and not buy into her drama, try to see the whole picture more clearly without judging either her or this other guy based on the way someone else has framed them (just because someone you trust tells you ipods suck and always break, doesn't mean ipods suck and always break, keep an open mind, you feel me?)

GOOD LUCK


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 28, 2012 5:53 pm 
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That was one confusing post, but it was also helpful. She is definitely doing it for the attention and drama. Hobbit you are 100% correct, I try not to talk to about other people unless they are there with me. This guy just moped around work the day after everything happened, and I had no problem with it. He made his bed, and he can sleep in it too.

The girl may not be as manipulative as yours, but she is definitely not congruent with her actions. When I am with her I just plan to talk about nothing at all. Let her wear herself out, if you don't feed the beast it will starve.


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