I'm sure this post doesn't belong on a pick up artist forum but basically I'm holding onto no hopes at this point. Which is stupid. I'm being honest here, people compare me to George Clooney in terms of looks and how smooth I am. I'm a late-blooming natural, but all that charm and smoothness is just a front. I feel like Tears of a Clown. I fell in love for the first time in my life ever these past few months and it bugs me because I worry I might have effed that up. I know in the moment right now I can't see the forest for the trees but I just don't know what to do and all of a sudden I"m scared to trust myself, like I'm holding glass in my hands and any shift can make it break. I've been seeing other girls while trying to figure it out but it just makes me feel guilty and even more anxious. I never had anxiety until this summer. Depression yes, but clinical not incidental. My life seems to have caught up to me. I'm only twenty years old, but everyone has these incredibly high hopes for me because I'm a bit of a prodigy. I have a MENSA IQ and seemed to have been given seriously with both hands, and yet I just don't feel happy. I think maybe how I feel about this one girl is a front for a much deeper problem? I'm even at the point where I'm paranoid to post the full problem publicly because heaven forbid she might find it. I'm not dumb enough to kill myself over a girl but at this point I find myself wondering who would care if I offed myself. I think of my friends and try to think of who would cry if something happened to me. I have fantasies of hurting myself, not that I have the courage to do it. My inner game just last year was impenetrable, but maybe it was just a very strong front? My best friend is joining the army, this girl is leaving, it's like everyone is deserting me. I don't know, I'm sure I sound like a b*** but I can't shake it. I've been using prescription pills to try to subsidize these feelings, but no go. I can't afford a psychiatrist and I just keep thinking I need someone to talk to. All my friends don't offer me comfort because I just know that they don't know what to do, they can't. I'm smarter than all of them but at the same time I think they know better? I don't know, even just writing this out makes me feel somewhat better. But I know as soon as I go back out to bickering parents and too much debt and I get constant migraines and moodswings. Maybe I'm a developing bipolar? I don't know why I decided to post this on this site, but maybe you guys can offer help. I know a lot of you are mentalists and life coaches and honestly I need what I can get.

Hey man, the first love is the hardest. And your friend leaving you is tough. These are very real things. I've been in your shoes before. I fell hard for a girl and she left me. I moved back to go to school and didn't have many friends. I was told by a psychiatrist that I should be on meds. I said fuck that and decided to get better. I had to choose for myself to work on ways to improve my mood without drugs, thats an important choice. You have a choice. You can change your emotions. I had no PUA community(hadn't joined), no friends to help me(they didn't understand), just me struggling on my own with my own mind. I became close to offing myself once even(drag a knife across my wrists, thank god it was dull, no bleeding). I am now stronger because of it. I stopped smoking (I highly suggest all recreational drugs and alcohol is stopped until you get your emotions better, that stuff fucks with your emotions), and now when I feel depressed I just go out and sarge. Really it is a great tool for dealing with a bad mood. I force myself to be in a good mood to hang out with people. Even if in the beginning I don't feel good, my mood always changes. By the end of a night of sarging I always look back and say "now what was I so sad about, life is great." Go sarge, do you even have time to be in a bad mood when your talking to a HB? I am no psychologist or life coach, just a guy that has lived the rollercoaster of life. Its got its ups and downs. This is how I have dealt with it. I hope this helps out and I am glad you asked for help. Thats a sign of strength and knowing yourself. Now for this post I am gonna ask you to do something for me. Will you respond? Seriously, I want to hear what you have to say.

hey mate felt similar many times in life and yea first loves can be hard..
anyhow it sounds like its time to learn to trust yourself again through building back up your innner game.just the thought that you might harm yourself says that in small ways you are not loving and respecting yourself and maybe youve got some of the fairly normal past feelings of rejection or abandonment coming up which will go when you get back to loving yourself.

Loving and respecting yourself as you are Rightnow is the key to moving foward in the Right Direction because if you dont get this you will find life to have high highs and low lows depending more on whats going on outside rather than inside.
When you love and respect yourself you can hear and appreciate your own values for your life and when your top values are not being met you will usually feel deeply frustrated with life, your highest values might be connection and happiness rather than what parents or others want your values to be.

I recommend you watch 'loving yourself by louise hay' on youtube and then maybe the next day an inner game clip or two..

Hey guys, thanks for replying. I need to learn to trust myself again, you're absolutely right. I struggle because each day I feel better then each morning I feel messed up again. I'm trying to believe it's mind over matter, but it's hard. And you know, my first love is not done it's just a mess right now, because we were loose friends first and now not only is she moving away but she seems to be pulling away so as not to get hurt. It's a long story if anyone is up for a PM I would appreciate the help and advice. and I will definitely check out those videos. It's so hard to be living life and have no idea where it's going. I have no idea what to do in my situations, mostly because I"ve never been in them before. I like to flirt and attract but once people start getting close to me I bail. This girl got close to me and I don't know what to do. My best friend got close to me and I don't know what to do. Since I was 14 I've had these huge expectations put on me to be enormously successful in my field which I just because of I don't know genetic predisposition? I have a talent for. But what if I fail? What if everyone convinced and in some cases depending on me raising us up through my talents is let down? And what if I'm truly not as good as everyone says? As of today I'm on antidepressants but they either make me feel contained or if I stop taking them even worse. And by contained I mean trapped. I should sarge more, like I said I just feel guilty when I do or that it's not who I want to be with. It's funny because people come to me for advice (ay dios mio, really people?) and I can't be there for other people and myself. I've done the whole night thing where I force myself to have a good time but I come home and all the old feelings return. It's just there was no real start or closure to this girl and it's pissing me off. It's funny because I've gotten much further with other girls physically and have had no trouble waving bye bye but when your friends become your lovers things get skewed quickly I guess. I really appreciate your guys' feedback. Knowing you're here actually caring means a lot. I think maybe it's a sign from God that when I tried to check myself into a mental facility the hospital I had chosen didn't have a psych ward. I don't know why that coincidence cheered me up/gave me hope but it did.

The smarter you are the more lonely you are going to be. Accept that as soon as possible. Then start dumbing yourself down and don't feel bad that you are smarter. Use your smarts to your advantage. Be socially smart. Develop a persona that taps into peoples deepest desires and they won't leave you for shit. Use your smarts to learn about psychology, women, people, social status, business, make money, clean up, become what everyone wants and quit sulking. People come and go. Let it go. Start sarging.


I think smart people feel guilty because they know what people think and how to get what they want out of people. THIS IS GOOD. START TAKING WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF LIFE WITH ABSOLUTE NO SHAME OR GUILT. THAT IS YOUR GOD GIVEN RIGHT.

STAY UP BRO. Come on! You came into this world alone, your going out alone, so LIVE THE LIFE YOU WANT STARTING RIGHT NOW.

_________________
Ahead of my time, like I live my whole life backwards.

Your on the right track mate keep going daily with working on loving and respecting yourself and your innergame ,it dosent have to be much it could be as little as throughout the day pulling yourself up on a few self-depreciating thoughts and changing them to the opposite, even if its external comments from others no one can make you feel anything without your approval..

It sounds like you simply need to work on a combination of fears,the fear of not being enough,being discovered or not being loved and since these are just fears these all fade into the background as you choose to be enough in the present,now.

As mentioned with pickup the smarter you are the harder you can make it for yourself,a smart guy might be thinking of advanced models of social dynamics while the chick hes chasing is probably dildoing herself off to ricki lake.

This is not the right site to be discussing your threats of suicide or any other illegal plans. Consult a professional or at least call a hotline.

http://suicidehotlines.com/