OK this is relationship related, but not a girlfriend RS but a team mates RS.

here is the long story short (or long).

I used to train martial art (karate) for about 2 years so far. I signed up in the local school, because I wanted to learn some basic self defense. Thing is the level is high and the instructor is very skilled - so you can progress and can become really good.

There are between clubs competitions every once in a while. The 1st year I didn't participated because I was sort of new and unskilled, but recently there was another one and my instructor told me that I must participate. Which wasn't the best thing I wanted to hear.

I hate violence and aggression and yes I do train, but in general I don't like hitting people without a purpose. I believe conflict can be better solved at non violent level and only use violence in case of real, extreme threat.

The several weeks before the competitions were kind of stressful, since we had to train a lot. Eventually it stressed me out and I told them I need a break. So I told them that I want to stop training for a while. (yes I was a bit scared of the competition - I never had physical fight so far, never got beaten). I don't feel very comfortable with physical violence partly because I'm not physically big.
However it turn out that some people of the club accepted that as a treachery, because we are a team and we had some relationship going on and it appeared that I betray the team. Maybe they had a point.

I didn't mean to appear like this, and I tried to justify myself that I'm not going to pursue a sports career as a fighter and I want to develop a business.

I don't know how well did they understood that.

I always try to keep my word and be a man of honor, not be a traitor, but at the same time I don't like to hit people without a purpose.

So now I'm sitting at home, looking at pictures from the competition on facebook and kind of regretting that "I left them".

And if I want to return they will probably not accept me well...


Didn't meant it to end like this...

what do you think... ?

I feel like doing something - I want to do courage of some sort now, but don't want to use physical violence.

_________________
"Tell the world what you intend to do, but first show it."

physical altercation is like jumping into cold water. your bodys instincts scream to avoid it, you freeze up yet have adrenaline flowing, your thought process becomes scattered and you are way out of your comfort zone.

but once that first punch hits, or you get hit that first time, its like hitting the water and feeling the cold take over your entire body. what comes next is your instinct kicking back in, now backed by focused adrenaline.


i developed a saying during high school, after i got beat up by 3 gang members and was humiliated at myself for not fighting back, that was basically "Its better to fight and get your ass kicked with honor, than to do nothing". from that point on if i was ever in a fight i made damn sure to hit back as hard as i could no matter who it was. looking back upon my fights, even the ones where i got a black eye I'm still proud about because they showed i stood up and fought. i never instigated a fight in my life, but i defended against every subsequent instigator with honor and I'm proud of that.

and your in a different situation than me because YOUVE TRAINED, and its not a real violent physical altercation its a sport! damn you have skills i dont have, i would be interested to see how my skills stack up against competition, it will expose weakness that you can fix, etc. one of my best friends and roommates was a MMA fighter and nobody ever got down on him for losing, he went in and got his ass kicked a number of times but still had our support. nobody is gonna badmouth you or look down on you for losing, but chickening out and making up excuses about not sparring will definately do that.

Yea got your point. But you had a reason to do so.

I was never beaten. I always try being diplomatic and not getting into conflict in first place and most time it doesn't even comes to physical aggression.

I was thinking lately that the cases of using physical violence for a civilian are extremely low IF you know where to go and who to go with.

Of course if you go into a dark street in a gang neighborhood, the chance of physical violence encounter arises, but if you live a "peaceful" life, you don't need in many occasions to deal with physical violence.

Which to some extend relates to the idea of financial success. I once spoke with a very successful entrepreneur who was not into sports at all (pointless to say MA). So I asked him:"how do you deal with conflict and physical violence, if someone threatens you?".

He replied: "I don't need. I live in good neighborhood and don't go to places or with people that are problematic (regarding physical violence)".

But he could afford that since he is rich.

So I was thinking to myself: "hmmm training MA and getting very good at fighting/defending etc. takes time energy and effort, but being financially successful also takes effort and energy and time".

So if I have to choose I'd pick financial success over being super strong dude that nobody messes with and still no one would mess with me. And I'll just do sport occasionally for its health benefits.

Eventually I figured out that I don't like aggression and being aggressive vs other people for no meaningful reason. (if I or a loved one is not threatened or something else). And I would feel bad even if I hit the other guy at the competition. I don't know him, he didn't do anything bad to me. I have no reason to fight/hit him.

Actually it is this kind of mental dissonance that provoked me to stop.

Idk how do you think/feel about that.

_________________
"Tell the world what you intend to do, but first show it."