heya.. shit.. i can't find my old stiglitz pic...
anyway i was away for some time .. decided to make some post about it, i would post it in my own thread but it's kind of lame to do it in the relationship section.
this maybe sounds like a bible story.. don't read if you hate that kind of shit... im just stating my experiences.. and my writing is crap lately.
here's the deal... 7 months ago i had amnesia and i seriously don't know why( i cannot even remember the face of the woman i've met 4 months ago ) i also had some extreme burnouts , doctors cannot find anything and im still being tested. i just woke up one day realized i couldn't remember much from my 18th year - even worse.. i did not woke up. the feeling you have when you are stuck in a dream that's what it feels like.. im talking about physcial sense and not psychological.
im having these freaking bizarre dreams, sometimes 9 in one night and i would be able to remember them all - but im unable to remember conciously what i've done previous days accurately. At the same time i landed in some fucked up relationship which really fucked me up, health issues with conciousness , financial situation and how fucked up people are just made me suicidal .. i actually spent 2 weeks laying in bed trying to psych my way out of it.
The chick i was dating... until a few weeks ago i was stuck with all these fucking feelings ( cannot even remember her right now lol, it seems unreal ).. i just lay in bed and i had this dream where i was walking on a road in the middle of the woods, i reached a clearing and i looked up into the clear sunny skies and saw a cloud drifting towards the sun - temporarily blocking its sunlight.
suddenly everything became gray and monotone... i looked in front in me and there was this tall shadow like being - i would say it looks like a dark angel ? or something like that ... it was huge and once i looked at it my eyes started to twitch - it told me im not allowed to look at it and it told me he will be around to watch me...
i woke up ...confused .. all the feelings i've had for this woman were gone.. everything. the hate , the dissapointment, the feeling of helplessness... i was stunned by this whole experience ? what happened in this dream and why i feel different...those few days after i scanned the internet for some information about books and dream interpretation but i couln't find anything solid. On a day i was walking on the city streets and this woman comes up to me , i have no idea who she is and i don't even know her - she hands me a flyer about dreamtherap ( she looked like she was going to give me a handjob lol so weird ).. some guys were going to give a seminar on dreamspirituality and dreampsychology that afternoon...
coincidence or not i visited this seminar and actually learned alot and got some anwers - exchanged and talked to some people. we had this one exercise where 2 persons hold eachothers hands and one has to memorize a dream and move their hands to symbolize their dream while having their eyes closed ( basically telling you dream by moving your hands and trying to predict your partners dream).. i was sitting next to this hot chick and i was like fuck yeah..so we hold eachothers hand and after like 10 seconds i get this weird warm feeling inside of me - i never had this before. We both predicted ( or guessed ) our dreams and we both were right it was really interesting and refreshing. I asked her if she felt the same warm laughing feeling inside and she did, we became really attracted to eachother - not sexual - but something different more spiritual, it was great ! ( maybe a fun routine for you guys )
i really started to invest and pay attention to my dreams , drawing paintings or pictures about them, writing them down - it wasn't that hard because for some reason im able to remember dreams very accurately - even dreams i've had years ago. Since im unable to solve my problems with psychology ( other psychologist didn't know what to do either lol ) i am extra motivated to get answers out of my dreams... i have actually developed this cool system to get answers out of dreams...
i stopped taking memory enhancing SSNI... because i had weird reactions to this medication.. the initial plan was to build up a effective treshold dosage so i started taking 30 miligrams - 80 mg is the dosage which has effects on the human body but even then it takes weeks for it to take effect. I took one cap of 30 miligrams ( for the first time )and wham.. one hour later my pupils were huuuugee .. i was stoned, cramped, tired.. i also took SSRI a few weeks prior to that medication and i had exactly the same reaction... even lowest dosages of 10 mg does have significant harmfull effect on my body... doctors told me to stop taking all types of medication because im too sensitive to all of it. The garbage stayed in my body for weeks..
i don't know how the hell i got this.. but i was searching youtube for some shit while being totally fucked and depressed by this medication..and i ran into a guy who had some similar issues and told how he changed his life - he dropped a name of some guy who new alot about dietiary stuff... so i looked up this guy.. lou corona .. damn that guy inspired me to take up diet! ( maybe because we have similar background or something, him talking about stuff..)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0QOF4kSI3k
anyway i took up a extreme diet.. no lactose meaning no diary products , no premade or cooked stuff, no gluten, no meat fish or poulty.. only raw vegetables and fruits and natural wholefoods.... FUCK... after 1 month of doing this extreme diet my endurance was twice as good.. my workouts were sick, even tho i didn't use to train as much as i used to. I just felt sooooo much better, my muscles just didn't produce lactic acid - like i could go on forever... cutting gluten away o my god, gluten is poison - it DOES make you feel depressed or tired. Stop eating gluten for a few weeks and you will get sick as fuck.. weird headaches and cravings and meanwhile you eat less and you feel much fuller - like you really digest foods. about 2 weeks ago i actually ate some gluten.. and i got high from it lol.. but it also made me feel like shit again.
does diet solve all your problems ? no.. but it DOES HELP... i just look way better physically, my skin is more flexible i have more color in my face , people tell me i look great , i am not as pissed off as i used to be - less depressed etc. Once you get a solid diet your conciousness also changes - you get more positive in general. However i was still bothered with my un-explainable condition so a psychiatrist gave me SSRI.. lol .. i was like fuck no...( considering history ) they can't explain it so they give you something to make you feel better ( im still tested tho ).
one night i was bored and i wanted to sleep with something on .. some music or something like that.. so i searched eandomly and i stumbled on coast to coast AM.. the interviewer interviewed a doctor who cures people with LSD .. he gives LSD therapy to patients who are suffering from psychological disorders or physical neuro-disorders... even people with amnesia. Well i have studied herbal medicine for years and i've spent time with shamans - took hallucinogens with shamans before , i also knew about LSA ( a less potent psychedelic related to LSD which acts more like a stimulant instead of giving hallucinogenic visuals). so me living in the country im in where alot is legal ( thankgod ) i got my hand on a very light dosage of LSA derived from some species of plant, i've done heavy trips with shamans before and taking this LSA dose would be a walk in the park !
so i gone home.. prepared a ritual and took the LSA..like most psychedelics they only help if you meditate or reflect.. actually this thing just altered my physical state, i was able to remember memories i couldn't remember while being sober ( amnesia shit ), i was finally able to be awake and read , write - just being effective and functional. It's a light drug, a light dose - but already helping me alot by relieving me from my physical issues. i decided to do deep meditation and here is where the bizar shit starting to happen...
after like meditating 30 minutes i couldn't feel my body anymore and i felt myself floating out of my body...like water coming out of a tap, like an out of body experience. My eyes were closed but i would get insane visuals seeing myself as energy... i started seeing colors and energy vortexes...( first i was freaking out because im this assertive psychology guy who believes in earthly shit) a red energy showed up underneath my balls, salmon like color underneath my navel, yellow in front of my ribs, green at my hearth, blue at my troath and pink energy waves at my forehead. It felt like drinking 1 bottle of whiskey while going around in this laundrymachine filled with fluorescent lights... i just became waves of energy and everytime i looked or focussed on one energy color (place) i would re-live all these past memory and dreams.
i saw some black stuff floating around in some energy vortexes... once i focused on it i heard a voice saying it's negative energy and why it's there - who it originally belongs to.. my previous GF and one of my family members who i still avoid. i would get these strange visions and dreams... dreams are supressed emotions so i decided to face them ( like i did on other occasions)... but after like dozens of dreams i was getting confused - i was overwhelmed by the amount of visions and emotions so i decided to that i shred them like paper - and that actually works ... after repeating that numerous times i ended up being at a place with beings of light ??? who had no voice or physical form but were talking to me...they said that the woman im meeting are karma and issues from former lives - i have ended some with positive energy but my last one i totally fucked up ( what they said )..and that was the previous chick i was bragging about on this forum.
i was in awe...they showed me a experience from 4 years ago..
i once met a older woman who and i was talking to her about her past experiences , i just ran into her on the street and for some reason i had the feeling i knew her ( just like some chick you fucked years ago ). ALL the time i had the feeling i needed to rape her.. i don't know fucking why because i was not attracted to her in any way.. i closed of our convo and wished her the best - i felt like 1000 bucks after this and i felt really satisfied with myself...
those beings of light told me i raped her in a former / previous life and this life i had the option to end this karma...and i did
suddenly i felt myself falling in a ravine and i was back in my body again.. i slowly stretched and moved. started jerking off really hard ..haha no
.. had to say that. nah i wrote some stuff down and gone to sleep...i have done trips with other psychedelics on a larger dosage ( like auyuacha ) but this LSA trip was much more impressive and it got everything to do with meditation - once i started meditating the trip 100folds...
i don't know why but i keep running in things .. solutions and people .. like someone is guiding me ... but i read something about a new bookstore opening up in town - they would sell spiritual stuff, cool books, i decided to take a look because my interest in this subject was increasing ( especially since last experience ).. while checking out their books with a extreme hard on ( i just love books ) i ran into the shop owner, she started talking to me and giving me advice.. she was SPOT ON ( not about my hard on lol .. what are you guys thinking ! )... she told me i should forgive people for myself and not because of some other reason or because i feel empathy, if i don't their energy will stick in my energy field for a long time. She told me im hypersensitive to alot of stuff including medication which is true... i have no idea how this woman knows this but she is spot on about alot of stuff.
meanwhile i was viewing some of their books about ancient indian sanskrit religion my mouth fell wide open once i read a page about chakras and yoga... the whole thing with chakras and ... that's what i have experienced in my trip.. exactly the same thing. i didn't say anything , just bought those books rushed home and started reading...im quitte conservative when it comes to esotheric subjects - i love meditation , parapsychology and that kind of stuff but i never was into healing , auras and that kind of pie - to me it always looked like some new age weed blowing babble. so i stuck to these ancient texts... analyzing them, putting them into practice, meditating on them - those books just expanded my conciousness in a very delicate manner... i've isolated myself for almost 2 months just sitting at home reading and meditating....not watching TV and turning off all phones - i did played some dark souls tho, it's such a great video game. stopped reading about psychology, stopped seeing friends or talking to people , celibate , no masturbation etc.
anyway during this isolation i just starting noticing different things, how my body works , what my symptoms are , what i should do different... if you cut away all distractions you will notice things you have never seen before - especially when you are on survival mode. the more i read and meditate the more concious i became, once i reached a chapter about kundalini ascension meditations things became very rapid. After a few weeks of kundalini practice i started seeing auras or energy fields... i was just sitting at home and suddenly im starting to see auras of houseplants... no matter how i moved, how close i was, or what i did i kept seeing it and it even responded to my touch !
it's not like i see auras all the time - it's just now and then after some meditation - could be im totally nuts or something who knows lol. All i know is that i started feeling and changing other peoples energy without psychology or babble, i would just touch them on a certain spot and there problem would be gone or they would be extremely attracted to me.. somehow im getting positive feedback from everyone and im attracting more positive things so i decided to keep... you ever knew that your Girlfriend was breaking up with you or you knew something was wrong inyour relationship or during pickup - that's probably that intuition that picks up energy from other people... just like caesar millan says '' it's the energy you sending '' you can develop that.
i've had surgery on my arm ( again ) 2 weeks ago.. from the day i walked out of the hospital i started doing healing , meditation and all the stuff i learned on my arm - after a few days i already could move it big time without much pain. yesterday i used my arm like nothing was wrong and the doctor told me im a miracle case for such a fast recovery.. lol ( one year ago it took me 6 months to recover from a similar surgical procedure ). it's just diet and paying attention to your body and energy...
im still having financial issues.. failed in business and having an accident on work, i stopped doing medical school because i just have trouble memorizing complex stuff ( still to this day i cannot remember the face of the last 2 woman i've met some months ago - just blanked out )... i attract positive things, better people and i've met this new girl who i want to know a little bit better... fresh outlook on life and a sense of guidance. right now im not going to respond in my thread or private messaging .. maybe later i don't want too much distractions right now.
CHAT
