Hey. Would appreciate some respons.

I have social skills difficulities regarding sexually charged situations. Here is one kind of situation that disturbs me. It may seem like a very basic thing to manage for a lot of people but for me it is difficult.

A pattern for me is that when I get visual eye contact with a hot female and I begin to feel finer, like in a coffee shop or a super market, I seem to draw annoying strangers onto me. For example the person behind me in the line in a super market positions her or himself very close to me (without the body language like in a seduction). Or someone starts to make loud sounds (like coughs or talk loud.) My reactions to these situations is that I let these persons get under my skin. Which mean that my nice feeling and my connection with the female get lost.

Is there something I can do to prevent strangers from trying to disturb me (or am I misreading them?)
If I notice that some stranger is getting under my skin in such situation, what would be beneficial to think and, if anything, do?

I have thought that the problem is that I make the unrealistic and wishfull assumption that just because I feel finer and more invincible that I can let down my guard toward third persons, and that other persons "shouldn't do anything disturbing because that's not how nice people would act" (the quotation brought a bad taste into my throat). Or that I need to adapt a kick-ass attitude towards third persons that are prone to disturb others (but what thoughts or actions would that result in?). Or, perhaps I start to think of myself as a supreme love-bird and other persons pick up on that and get sick to their stomachs about such unerotic ego-building and react to it. Could these suggestions have to do with the cause of the problem?

Thank you very much. God bless you.

What I think is happening is that your heart-rate goes up when you start going after your target(s), which then makes you much more aware of things going on in your surroundings. Its the classical fight or flight response. It enhances your senses and you start seeing and hearing things that you didn't normally pay attention to before.

Reality is, those things have been happening all the time, you just didn't notice them before until you get into that situation.

It just takes practice and more practice to be in control of the situation.

Start by taking deep breaths before you approach. Control your breathing and keep your focus on your target. And most of all, try to relax because if you are being annoyed by things happening around you, you can bet your bottom dollar that your target(s) can sense that too and you will never close.

Best,

J-Dub

_________________
J-Dub in DC

Its better to be the predator than the prey.

You need to be a good player if your gonna be successful at the game.

That what happens is that my heart-rate goes up with the consequenses you describe makes much sense.

And the proposed actions to counter it too. A couple of deep breaths to relax and get some more oxygen and when acting to control my breathing. And to keep my eyes on the ball.
I feel now that I have the upper hand of the problem. Reading your answer made me think of applying some distraction control techniques that are in a book I have that is written by a sports psychologist (in case anybody wonders what book that is, it's title is In Pursuit of Excellence.)

Thanks very much for the answer. I guess it will really help me. I guess I'll return to the forum if I need input on some other hurdle.

Peace,

J.R.