Personal boundaries and observations



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PostPosted: Sat Aug 27, 2011 6:20 pm 
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what im writing will be very usefull for new guys, guys who have problem being honest or saying no.

im kind of quoting myself because this is from my journal..on the way i ask myself questions because i think it's important to ask yourself questions to split the(my) character from the ego.

Most people do not understand me as a person in a intergral form... I like to sarge solo and i like to interact with people - i observe their feedback to make my own personal growth. A long time ago i wrote something how i didn't felt understood by people , it's ok.. i don't expect people to understand me and i respect/accept such thing.

The weird thing is ...i met a woman...not even in real life but on the internet - we just happened to meet. she knows of these kind of forums so she's probably going to read this hahah(we met on somekind of forum). Anyway she is the coolest person i have ever met... im serious... i never had such interaction, we fully understand eachother even tho we never met in real life. I do like her personality but at the same time im very aware that attraction cannot take place over internet - it can only happen in real life when you are looking someone in the eye. , so it's not like im having one-itis or other bullshit.

i just happen to meet someone who understand me and make me laugh and i observed she feels the same way...it's great to have such interactions and such social alliances. but im not here to talk about one woman in particular .. im here to talk about game, like and emotions. Especially emotions and thoughts that arised some time ago primarily caused by my interactions with her ( of course by other people as well).

anyway...we never set up for a date ( we have phone numbers etc) .. we talked about meeting and she said she is sure she want to meet me. Im not retarded and i know when people like me or not..so i know she values our interactions.. she runs her own business( company) even tho she have little time she decide to talk to me.

anyway she dates this dude...She is not attracted to him at all...she is just dating or meeting him for fun , to boost her own self esteem. This is the first thing she said she is just using him to have fun , and second just to help him to confront him with himself. you know .. you have those woman who will talk or date you just to boost their own self esteem...they don't give a shit about hooking up with you.

i told her i don't believe she's sincere about helping this guy ( the guy is immature) because the first thing she is stating ; '' using him for fun, bullshiting around''. she objected lol...

anyway somehow i felt .. weird ..at the end of the conversation... like im second choice even tho we promised to meet eachother. Im not jealous or anything .. just like my value decreased probably becaused she mensioned this guy. Im not having one-itis but somehow i feel like i can't trust my game - it's a mix of confusement and low self esteem/ dissapointment. She is investing time in this total jackass who is a drug addict and totally out of her league ( and out of my league even tho i do care about people ), why doesn't she invest time into our meeting ?

to me it didn't make sense ... why im a feeling this and what has happened?

1. We are totally cool and we understand eachother..i value this relationship.
2. She is a very high value woman...she got social succes and personal succes

and above all... 3..... it fucked with my values and boundaries...

i only make long term descisions ... i don't go for short instant gratification... i rather take the hard route to get durable fullfillment instead of getting a quick fix like a drug addict... to me making productive long term descisions is a mature thing, don't you agree ? getting your university degree is more important than using a quick shot of heroine.

i felt my self esteem lowered not because she is meeting this chode...it was because i valued her too much. My self esteem lowered because i got confused...She is making a short term descision to use her time inefficient to boost her self esteem by putting down this guy, with the wrong motivations. This is something i would never do and i would never suspect such high value woman to do such thing.

Maybe she is attracted to me or maybe not .. i don't know but that isn't important. She isn't that high value...Because she understand me and we have great conversations doesn't mean i have to drop my values and boundaries , it doesn't mean i have top respect her.

What is the criteria for respect ? once you respect someone you are prone to making yourself vulnerable - something we do at woman while doing pickup.

am i picking up myself ? did i assign a certain value and meaning to our interactions which caused me to weaken my own boundary and values ? did i make myself vulnerable ?

from my journal :

''Everything is a investment in yourself... the motivation and driving force called meaning behind your action and descisions is what separates postive personal growth from negative personal recession. Your ability to observe your own ego is what keeping you away from lose-lose situations or lose-win situations , the ego always want short term and quick fixes but in reality you have to work hard with the right motivations in order to get long lasting fullfillment.

Your personal boundaries and values are preconceptions - a moral compass of what behaviour you allow from yourself or behaviour you allow from other people. Boundary are therefore borders between countries... countries go to war and countries kill eachother for resources or difference in opinions.

are all social interactions somekind of war ? do we always trade some values ? do we always create holes in our borders to get high value emotional interactions.. when do we need to make ourselfs vulnerable ?

it's a door ( personal boundaries ) .. either i open it for a win ( me) -win (others) deal or i fail to observe the ego and fail to follow my heart and moral compass - opening my door for the wrong reasons.

the doorhandle can be on the outside if i don't decide to keep it on the inside...when do i allow others to open it - or should i never allow others to open it ?

This woman dates this guy but she is just using him for her own self amusment. She likes me and even tho i observe some mutual attraction , she doesn't chose the sincere ego-less choice. It doesn't come up in her to date me or high value guys she really likes instead of this chode - thus she fails to observe her own ego , using someone to get a self esteem boost by female dominance.

It can be covered with good intentions but is it a win-win deal or a win(she) - lose ( him) deal ? does it affect her short term happinness or long term happiness ? does she waste time by this immature descision from the ego ? or is it superficial ? which motivation she projected first , primarily fun and boosting her self esteem - secondary was making a universal contribution... what is her sincere motivation ? i think that the first thing people mension is the prime sincere driving motivation - but only untill that person is able to observe the ego.

do i feel bad because we don't share this mature boundary ? do i lose some of my attraction towards her ? did i valued our interaction too much that i blindly disregard the fact that she is quitte flawed ? Because someone understands me (which is very rare ) does not mean i should get attached to this idea and lower my boundaries leaving vulnerable holes.

do i respect such woman ( people) ? do i need to feel affected or of low value ? i should respect the person less for failing to detach from the ego......I shouldn't conform to anyone - i should keep being honest to myself and others.

There is no perfect woman or perfect approach.. my dissapointment in other people made me feel bad - like i dropped my boundaries for something that doesn't exist. therefore i picked myself up - i gamed myself .. the game of observing the ego is a never ending game.

In the end all woman are the same .. woman are woman.. all humans have flaws, i try to be flawless but never will - it's not a question of who is perfect. it's not who is the perfect woman or personality. who fits your moral compass ?

Pickup is not about talking to woman... it's a game you play with yourself - to who do you compromise your moral compass ? Learning pickup techniques already can be a compromise.... I have reached a new learning phase , in my opinion this is/was the most high value woman i ever met - but i did lower my boundaries and compromised my moral compass about what i allow from others. Tonight i don't feel like going out and sarging solo - since game is actually just a game im playing with myself.

I feel more like sitting at home and meditating - it maybe sounds anti-social and i already made the descision to go out years ago. To get a woman you need to get good with woman in general... i don't think this is true .. everyone loves woman and loves being around people we are social creatues. To get a moral compass you need to get woman to test you boundaries is general.

I never should feel any fear or intimidation...no matter how hot or high value woman are, the fear or insecurity im feeling is the fear of compromising myself and my values to something which i created in my head.... what is high value ? This is my life and i should never disregard it - never focussing on anything external. I should learn to value myself consistent and seeking out new experiences for the sake of loving myself. Not sarging solo to get a perfect hot girlfriend or to get good at game ... but going out just because i love myself and i want to grant myself new experiences and adventures.

you are comfortable when you are certain.. because you think you know....
but in the end i must love being uncertain.. thinking of nothing is the best thing to do , i don't have to look to anything external to get certainty... i should learn to get comfortable by being and loving uncertain - being detached from anything else but my ability to love myself.

why do we change or try to impress ? .. thinking about what to say or to do in order to influence one others freedom ? We are all born for a reason and even tho i do not belief is the regular concept of a god , i do think that we are here for a reason. Everything we do or say is of value because the universe decided to create and shape us with a meaning....i do not have to worry about what others think or do since the universe already accepted me by granting me life. Everything i say does have meaning and is therefore of high value.''
.

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Last edited by Lodewijkp on Sun Aug 28, 2011 4:15 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 28, 2011 10:52 am 
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having too high standards can destroy your game...once you meet this high standard woman you will probably seek approval - scarcity mindset isn't a good mindset.

Focus on how the woman makes you feel instead of focussing on her traits and appearance. Selection criteria based on external things is a horrible thing to do.

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 28, 2011 7:41 pm 
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Your post is a little confused. You didn't really explain what you meant by boundaries and value clearly. It seems like you really like thinking; too much, maybe, which is something I can 100% relate to ;).

About this woman, it seems simple to me. She doesn't know you in real life; she knows this guy and is already dating him. She's more invested into her relationship with him at the end of the day, and meeting you requires to go further out of her comfort zone. So what's strange about the whole dynamic?

As for you valuing this woman. Sometimes we ascribe traits that we want to see to people who don't have them. I'm about to say some crazy shit, but here goes.

We don't really know other people. We only know other people as an idea or image, a representation of various thoughts and how we perceive them. Sometimes, when you have a hole in your life, you will subconsciously try to fill that hole with another person. Perhaps that's what you did with this woman.

You are also right that it doesn't matter how high-value or successful she is. I fucked up my own success by putting it in my head that certain types of women were more valuable than others or out of my league. Pretty dumb. At the end of the day, another person is only worth what they can share with you: positive emotions in my case. That's the right way to think.

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