Hi all,

I don't ask for advice often, so hopefully some of the big names around here will weigh in on this issue.

After hooking up with one of my girls, I was introduced to her brother. He is extremely protective, and can't so much as look at me putting my hand on his sister without getting irritated. Normally I would have worked on him before the girl, but things didn't work out that way (he wasn't there when she and I met).

I think that AMOGing is what is getting me into trouble. He likes to be in control, and when he sees me making decisions and leading our group of friends, it definitely makes him feel disrespected.

I've been ignoring the fact that he talks shit about me behind my back (I figure that agknowledging it at all would indicate that it bothered me in some way), but the situation is not improving. The girl is clearly upset about the fact that her brother doesn't like me at all, and nobody in our circle of friends is confused about who is being unreasonable.

So now, my specific questions:

Would it be a good idea to abandon all AMOG tactics in the interest of appeasing his desire to be the decision maker and the leader?

Is there a way that I can help him feel like he's a leader and a decision maker without being submissive?

Should I sit him down and try to straighten this out man to man?

Any general discussion involving extremely protective obstacles would probably be useful to me. I can't find much info regarding this issue anywhere on here, and I'm sure more people than myself have/will have to deal with people like this guy.

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Not a big name but I'll try.

Is he protective or a prick all the time or only because some guy is with his sister?

I am guessing he is a prick in general.

I think the trick is to let him think he is control without being in control.

He wants to do X - say its the best damn idea ever except you don't feel up to it - you are going to do Y instead - of course anyone else is more than welcome to join you but X is a great idea.

His sister is prob gonna want to hang with you so that's 1 - the people that realize he is a prick are gonna bail on him cuz he is a prick. It lowers his value when everyone doesn't go with his idea. He may not make the correlation to you (he doesn't sound bright enough). Eventually he will not want to feel like less of a human and simply not be part of the group.

Example

Bro: Lets go to "Bob's Bar"

You: Sounds awesome. Would be a blast but I am not really up for a big night partying at a gay bar. I am just going to hang out at Joe's Bar - much more laid back - I just can not handle pounding brews and looking at guys in spandex all night.

Some of the group are definately going to go with you instead.


Or you could simply not invite him to be part of your group. The old Sorry but we (everyone but him) already have plans. Maybe we'll give you a call if they don't work out.

Don't even let him be part of the group.

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duck
I got to get into this dude's pelt and crawl around for a few days. Who's the gopher's ally? His friends. The harmless squirrel and the friendly rabbit.

If you do the man to man discussion be assertive but not a jerk.

"Listen man, I like your sister and she likes me. You don't have a say in that but like it or not we are in each others lives. Your behavior has not been acceptable. It makes her feel bad and the rest of us aren't going to tolerate it. I know you may have a problem with that but you will need to learn to deal with it. You are making your sister feel uncomfortable so I am saying something. She is an adult - let her decide for herself"

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duck
I got to get into this dude's pelt and crawl around for a few days. Who's the gopher's ally? His friends. The harmless squirrel and the friendly rabbit.

Alrighty.

First all, before figuring out what you want to do in this situation, think this over:

- Are you really interested in being with this girl for a while, because saying you are and not really doing it, is being just as much of a prick as he is. However, if you are interested, then depending on how interested you are, you should gauge your approach to this situation accordingly.

- Are you ready for possible confrontation and definite drama in your life?

- Even if you are interested in her, is she really worth it? Meaning, do you have other options, arrangements, or prospects that you could just as easily pursue? Weigh out those options as well.

All that considered should have given you a good idea of what you feel like doing about the situation, given your possible options you listed earlier.

- Abandon your Alpha personality and surrender to this whiny prick's bullshit. Me? I would never, I don't think ANYONE, let alone a girl, is worth changing who you are to bend to some immature motherfuckers will. But, if you like the girls that much, its always an option. (Translation, if your a pussy and just want pussy, this is the easiest method.)

- Make him feel as if he's the leader, though he's really not. I'm not exactly sure what this would entail doing, but if you can do it, then this seems reasonable. Intellect always wins in these kinds of situations. Give me some ideas of what you're thinking about, because I'm having trouble thinking up a tactic that would do this on the spot.

- Man to man. You could go about this in two ways, one of them he'll end up still not liking you, the other you have a chance of coming to terms with each other and possibly being friends. Option one involves you sitting down with him, man-to-man, and you being frank about your feelings toward his attitude. Which I would think would come out a little hostile, but assertive. Something this kid wouldn't obviously like but in the end, like duck said, its his sisters choice. This method would surely assert yourself and allow you to keep the girl, but I know right now he's not going to like it, or you for that matter. The second option, is to sit him down man-to-man and just be like, "Listen bro, I don't know what your problem is with me, but I really like your sister and she likes me, you can't change that. Sorry, but you can't. It is our choice, not your choice. But, if you want to keep being an asshole about it and talking shit behind my back. Go right ahead." Something like that, you get the point. This way, your asserting your position and right to be who you are, thus retaining your Alpha male characteristics. If he has any sense in him, maybe he'll be like wow your right. If not, oh well, at least you can try, everyone knows you did. Then from there just remain doing exactly what you do now to be liked by everyone, its his problem, not yours.

Hope this helps.

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Amor est Vitae Essentia

This is simple. I know what to do, because my close friends who are chicks kept me around at parties to play a similar role.

The situation isn't that the dude hates everyone his sister likes, just that he hates the ones he doesn't know. Forget that the guy doesn't like you and become the dudes best friend. Go to games, invite him places, if he realizes that you're a good guy, he'll hand you his sister on a silver platter.

good luck, remain friendly and calm.

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