So for those of you that don't know yes, I have one of those now. I have left the dark side.


Anyways, after intense emotional investment, she let me in on one of her secrets. She has a eating disorder. It's a chronic disease and I really want her to help her through it. She tried therapy and nothing has seemed to work. This problem has started since she was a teenager and it has a lot to do with her parents constantly critiquing her and her only way out was to start this habit. It has a lot to do with her insecurities created by her parents and now it has developed into an issue of having control in her life. To all the Hypnosis Guru's or Zip, I would like some advice. I mean this Pick Up shit is about leaving them better than you found her, so let's fucking do it.

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I'm addicted to facing my fears.

It's a matter of control. She feels she has no control over her life, so she compensates by abusing what little control she has...specifically in this case, what she eats.

You need to get her back into therapy, and get her a professional who deals specifically in eating disorders. Make sure to support her in this, and don't go half ass---make sure she knows you are there for her, but that SHE has to take the steps to recovery herself.

When she begins to recover from this, she may gain weight and her physical appearance will change. If you are a decent human being you will stay with her through the ordeal, and it may take months if not longer. Know that if you abandon her in the middle of the journey, she may not be strong enough to continue herself and she may end up worse than when you found her. Hopefully that gives you a clear picture of what you are looking at.

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afc-challenge-to-the-masters-social-anx ... 10108.html

Some good points Raods...and i agree, she should def get back into therapy. This is something that requires serious help. As for you, just be supportive. Don't ever think that you are failing her because she isn't making progress....that is the first thing they tell you when you study counseling psychology.

Thanks a lot guys. I actually sent her Hobbit's quote.

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I'm addicted to facing my fears.

I'm not a doctor, I'm not an expert, I'm not going to sit here and act like I have any authority to talk about eating disorders. I can, however, talk about therapists.

What kind of therapist did she have before? (I mean psychiatrist, a psycho-analytic, cognitive-behavioral doctor, etc. ) She may need to switch to a different kind. Personally, I will ONLY work with an existential psychologist. I will only work with someone who is a sounding board for me to fix my own problem (rather than give me a prescription and send me on my way.)

I'd venture to guess group therapy is not recommended for bulimia or anorexia.

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- Zip

First, Let me say that I think you're doing a wonderful thing. I wish you and your girlfriend the very best.

Having said that, I'm not sure if you're asking for advice in the right forum. Yeah, I know you have some buddies here but when's the last time you read through the posts here? Really . . . this PUA thing, at least based on all of the post(except yours on this thread) is about saying "leave them better than we found them" but classifying women by grades of their external beauty through a number system. Then we label lower grade women in a set as OBSTACLES. Then we befriend obstacles only to get bed her hotter(thinner) friends and to prevent cock blocks. Women know this and they fear becoming the fat obstacles all their lives. We play a significant contributing role in eating disorders in my mind . . .

Secondly, I'm not really sure if anybody can ever help somebody else in these situations. Sure, you can drive them to clinics and chat with them and reassure them but in the end, the only person who can really help your girlfriend is your girlfriend. Sometimes loved ones put so much energy into these situations and think they can make more contribution than is possible. . . and end up taking the responsibility of the SPAM. I'm not saying that this is what you're doing but these situations are common. Her course of SPAM has to be for herself and through her own energy. She can't seek SPAM for you, for your love, or for any other reason. Many reasons for this . . .

Eating disorders and addictions are not like broken legs in that there really are no "cures". Once afflicted, one must always face these issues and work EVERYDAY to control themselves. When she gets better, she will gain weight. . . perhaps significantly. If you love her, you will always tell yourself that it won't matter things simply do not work this way. We are sexual animals. We are visual animals. No matter how much you love her, you will perceive her differently when she gains weight. The way you touch her will change. The way you look at her will change. I say "WILL" because no matter what those Hallmark cards say and the political correctness police ram down our throats, or even what your older male friends will tell you about their 50 year old 200lb wives, it's all just a shameless lie. Love has nothing to do with it. A hot girl will trigger chemicals to induce a boner. An unattractive (to you) girl will not.

If she does this "for you" and the SPAM itself changes your perception for her . . . well, I think you can see how this might not be a good thing. Even people without disorders will go out on a drinking binge/eating binge when things go wrong in relationships. Women will go out on chocolate binge because her boyfriend hung out with some other girl . . .

Anyhow, I think what you're doing is really cool. I think it will help to just sit down and write your own thoughts. Think about all the possibilities so that not only "she will come out of this better," but you too can "come out of this situation better than you were". Keep a journal . . .

Best to you both . . .

Beschatten, first off... congrats on finding someone. That is a huge achievement for any PUA because it means you have found someone awesome. About a month ago I also found an amazing woman whom I also call my girlfriend. Furthermore, it sounds like we're in a similar boat because after I started dating her she revealed to me that she is a recovering anorexic. She has been in therapy in the past and is doing very well now, but to her eating is like a chore that she knows she has to do to stay healthy and I try to help her such that she actually enjoys eating.

She told me the reason she starved herself is because it made her feel like she had control in her life. From my perspective it seems this comes from the fact that her mother also has a ton of issues, being a former alcoholic and obsessively controlling parent. So this also sounds similar to your girlfriend.

Basically, my girlfriend's form of coping with her over-controlling mother is to starve herself. In order to help her I first taught her a few meditation techniques that I learned from "Awaken Your Hidden Self - A Guide to the Huna Way." These actually helped tremendously because now whenever she gets anxious she can meditate to calm down instead of starving herself. I also had her watch "The Secret" with me so that she can begin to apply that to her life. It made a huge impact on mine and I recommend it to everyone. Furthermore, another technique I use is building an anchor to put you into a good state. I had her do the exact same thing and now all she needs to do is touch herself on the arm and she's in a good mood.

She's not quite at the point that she loves food, but she's been eating much better and gaining a little bit of weight (in a good way!).

In a way bulimia is a bit easier to deal with then anorexia. Anorexia is a passive disorder whereas bulimia is active. I would recommend you teach her to do something else whenever she gets the urge to purge herself. Once the new habit takes over she probably won't even want to do it anymore. There's a technique that comes to mind that I read in an NLP book called the habit replacer, I'll look it up later and post it for you.

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Do the Impossible
See the Invisible
Raw! Raw!
Fight the Power!

Touch the Untouchable
Break the Unbreakable
Raw! Raw!
Fight the Power!

A chronicle of my reformation from AFC to PUA: http://simpua.livejournal.com/

Thanks for the tip guys

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I'm addicted to facing my fears.