I usually don't write these sorta posts because I suck at writing out my thoughts but this is something I have been thinking about a lot lately, mainly down to personal experience and an event(s) that have happened recently. Forgive my writing style, it's truly sh*t, I tend to go off topic a lot. You have been warned this is going to be a sloppy thesis. Apologies in advance...
Momentum
I'm sure most people realise and appreciate the power of momentum, not only in seduction and dating but in life in general. The snowball effect is truly powerful. Get one number and you'll get more and more numbers easily. Same with dates, kisses, lays etc. etc. Same with swimming, driving, public speaking, sales and so on. It's all a mental thing. Experiencing a positive emotion or action convinces yourself "hey you can do this, this is easy let's do it again". That's momentum pushing you to do something again and again. On the flip side failure to do something or negative emotions can act as a wall against that snowball of bubbly positive goodness. In addition a lack of practice in something can make all momentum disappear. Everyone can relate when I say "I'm rusty". It takes practice for one to get back to where one was. I like to imagine a star athlete coming back from injury to make this image strong in my head.
When momentum ceases negative thoughts become more prominent in your head and you begin to be filled with doubt. Fear and anxiety can cripple anybody from action whether it's down to approaching or pulling the trigger to take her home. In the same way fear and anxiety can prevent someone from speaking in public in front of a massive group to chasing their dream job to stop being pushed around by peers, friends and even family. Fear and anxiety affects all parts of the body. The blushing, the shakiness in ones limbs, the weakness in the voice, the butterflies in the stomach and most importantly the mental explosion in one's brain. The brain and body go into a state of shock. Momentum levels are under 9000!
Fear, Courage and Confidence
After years and years of practice I have learned to embrace fear more often than not. I have successfully told my brain that whenever I sense that butterflies in the stomach feeling, that throbbing pulse around my body that makes you feel a little dizzy is a sign that great things await me, pardon to cringey phrase....but its true. With regards to women when I feel that anxiety I always remember Rob Judge's line "Put your pimp foot forward, the other one will follow”. And besides deep down I know that its just a woman, she cannot do anything to me...and as soon as I say hi the sense of fear goes away, almost like my body is rewarding myself for acting courageously. But does that mean I embrace fear all the time, no, nobody does. And thinking you always do is a lie and completely delusional.
You see if you're not confident in doing something, it's for a good reason. It is no secret that confidence is arguably the greatest trait to have in life. What most people don't tell you is that confidence is not something you magically get, it's something you receive after doing something, after you have achieved a goal. Think back to learning to swim, learning to drive, going on a plane for the first time, asking out a girl for the first time. It's after you have done it that you feel that confidence in yourself to do it again, it's when you feel (or no longer feel) that sense of anxiety in your body. You reflect on it and think "ha what an idiot I was for ever worrying about something like that". Its in hindsight only can this occur.
To recap, confidence is something you receive after you have achieved something. But how does one go towards getting that confidence if they're scared sh*tless right now? The answer is courage. You see not everyone is confident in everything they do, frankly it is impossible...we all have our fears and limitations. But courage is something everyone has, if one is so inclined to channel it. Courage is doing something even if you aren’t certain of it, just because you know you have to do it and it’s the best scenario for you. You might be scared to fly, to speak in front of that crowd, to approach that dream girl, but by just doing it and channelling the courage in you to see "I have to do this, not doing this will only make things worse" you're on the right track.
Momentum, Courage and Confidence
This is where momentum comes into play. A reminder that confidence comes at the end, not at the start or the middle. Courage is something that is present from the beginning, if one chooses to use that courage. Confidence comes with competence. You’re confident if you’re good at something. Being confident when you shouldn’t be, or in situations where you lack competence, is delusional. You have to be scared to be courageous. If you’re confident you’re not being scared. Courage requires a certain to degree of fear. It’s not the absence of fear, its acting in spite of fear. By consistently acting in spite of that fear, you develop competence. Increased competence is the snowball effect, the momentum. A good reminder of this for me was learning to drive. I was scared to death of getting behind the wheel, I gave out furiously and made every excuse possible not to practice with my father. But through a mixture of his encouragement and I myself finally accepting I needed to learn to drive I quickly became to one pestering him to go for a drive with me. The more I drove, the better at it I got, and that lead to unstoppable confidence to the stage I don't even think twice about driving and it's like I am in autopilot, no pun intended.
This can be applied to anything from talking to people, to public speaking, to asking women out etc etc. Courage -> Competence (& positive momentum) -> Confidence
Back to momentum. Taking the example of driving again, that confidence leads to a snowball effect where one can drive faster, they can drive with one hand on the wheel, they can even do skids, handbrake turns and more with the car. Of course one should never attempt tricks with cars
But it is the same with talking to women. You can go from comfortably holding a conversation with them to flirting with them, to touching them, to being sexually brave with them, to asking them and telling them things that would normally be frowned upon. That's momentum. You simply cannot go from a guy in his room 24 hours a day to whispering in a girls ear some deep sexual urges in you while grabbing her close and it coming off smoothly. There is no momentum present.
"Negative" Momentum
However momentum isn't a constant thing. It requires constant attention and constant positive feedback in order to grow and grow. Momentum can easily slip away to nothing. Going back to my driving example, a bad car crash can make someone hit rock bottom. Thankfully that has never happened to me but it isn't an impossibility. I'm sure everyone knows that guy that was great with women, got a girlfriend only to break up with her and suddenly have no idea how to talk to women again. His momentum hit rock bottom due to forgetting all about the things that attained that momentum in the first place. Reflection and self-study is one of the greatest things one can do to be constantly aware of the things that make you tick. We all slip up though, we are all human. Your mind is your greatest friend and your greatest enemy depending on the time. When one thing goes right, everything seems to go right, in the same way when it rains it pours and nothing seems to go right for you.
Dilla's Soliloquy and the reason for this post
I myself am very confident and almost arrogant in nearly everything I do. When it comes to women it is 99% an autopilot thing, I no longer even think about the process of meeting a girl to fucking her senseless in a very short time period. I can honestly say I cannot remember the last time I got the butterflies that made me think twice about doing something with a girl, whether it be approaching or putting the moves on her. But for whatever reason, momentum can be eliminated immediately.
The reason for this post is down to this one girl, a girl who worked in the same place as me. Prior to meeting this girl I was banging a new girl or two a week and had countless fuck buddies and bits on the side. I thought of myself as completely fearless. But for whatever reason this girl destroyed all that. Dare I say it but I currently have the closest thing to "oneitis". I got to know this girl very briefly and I became completely captivated by her. We talked whenever we could, we ate together at lunch and there was moderate flirting I guess...bare in mind this is in the workplace where you cannot be too up front, but maybe I am just making an excuse for myself. Anyway we got closer I guess, but for whatever reason I couldn't pull the trigger. Heck I couldn't even ask for her Facebook, her snapchat, her number etc. I mean I am talking I went completely noob. This girl is super cute, but I have conquered significantly better looking women. But deep down I instantly liked this girl, and that's what crushed my momentum. Usually when I see a girl I fancy I picture myself taking her home, throwing her over my shoulder before we have great sex. With this girl I pictured more intense sh*t, sh*t long term couples engage in. I know I went full retard
But I am a great judge of a person's character and spirit and deep down this girl is special.
Anyway I have since left this job and so has gone my chances with this girl for the time being anyway, but more than likely forever. I have spent the day trying to find her on Facebook and trying to find a way to contact her through the details I know about her so I can make things right and be the way I am with women usually again. I have spent all day thinking about her and what might have been. I honestly think this girl could be the one to clip my manwhore wings...now I know most likely that in a few weeks I'll forget about this heavy heart feeling and be like "ah well opportunity missed" but right now it hurts like fuck. I don't think I have felt like this about a chick since my last girlfriend which was years ago.
Right now it's a Saturday, I would usually be preparing to go on a mad bender tonight and getting with loads of turbos and no doubt getting laid. But instead I can barely leave the house to go to the gym I am so upset with myself and so angry at my lack of action. I cannot stop thinking about her. I have replayed our encounters throughout our days in works hundreds of times. Countless friends have urged me to go out and as of now I have several unread messages from fuck buddies wanting to meet up tonight. But all I can think about is her...and this is a girl who I haven't even kissed....I mean I don't like to brag too much but I have fucked more women than I can count any more and I can still barely grow any facial hair. But that's what makes women amazing, that one person can rock your world without even realising or even have a reason to do so. I am confident I will eventually cross paths with her again and I am determined to let her know how I feel inside, in the same way I let every girl I meet at the club I want a night of lust and nothing else...but this time is different, I actually want to date this girl and go out with her. Wish me luck eh?
The Bottom Line/To Conclude/Final Message
If you have made it this far then you deserve all the greatest things in this world. In summary dudes, embrace fear, channel your courage, always strive to become competent in everything you do until you have unstoppable confidence. Appreciate and understand the power of momentum and most importantly recognise that momentum is not a constant. You need to be aware of what makes you confident and competent in doing something and constantly upkeep that. Don't get too arrogant like I did. Recognise the greatness in you but also realise your limitations and that disaster is one moment away if you overlook things.
With regards to women, have 0 regrets, lay it all on the line my dudes. I have always told anyone who has struggled with taking action with women that you never ever regret the approaches you have ever done, no matter how bad they went, you only ever regret the approaches you never did. The same applies to any experience in life. Grab life by the horns and hold onto that bucking bull for dear life. You can never ever ever go back to a past event. Hopefully if you have read my story above you can relate and you can learn from it.
Finally, thanks for putting up with my ranting/venting/thoughts.
Be well,
Dilla.
CHAT
