This weekend I realised the importance of social acceptance into a cold approach group and becoming a part of the "tribe"

While I only approach recreationally (haha!) I've had a couple recent successes where I shared an important commonality with one group member.

As soon as they found out that I shared that commonality, they instantly introduced me to the other members of their group and told them about me. Whereas previously they were a group and I was the outsider, I suddenly became an accepted part of the group and had a level of famliarity with EVERYONE that I didn't have just minutes before. That led to at least ONE of the girls literally looking out for me every time I left the group - unfortunately for her I wasn't that interested in her, and she sensed it


If you're approaching a group, and manage to talk to one individual, by picking out ONE important commonality and focusing on it, you can get them to literally break the ice with the rest of the group and make life easier for you.

GREAT post as always by Chocolate.

I would have to agree with you based on personal experience.

I recall a time where even the smallest commonality I had when randomly shooting the shit with a guy who happened to be out with group, everyone in said group bonded with me asap even though I could not have cared less whether they did or not, I was interested in talking to the dude about whatever we were talking about.

He then called over a girl from the group who I mentioned to him because I was initially attracted to her (who, like ur story, I ultimately wasn't interested in) to try to get the two of us to meet.

Even though I have stumbled in to situations like this in the past, thinking about this topic from a "pickup" perspective, it is pretty interesting how easy it would be to get guys to be your willing wing men to make their female friends happy when approaching an evening in this genuine manner.

I'll go further to say that what has been outlined in the original posting is an underutilized and key facet of "group theory" and that it may in fact be the most important factor of group theory of all, above and beyond outdated methods of "isolate the target" and "neg the target" and "ignore the target" and "amog the amog" and "befriend the guy" - all of that was on a false notion - this shit right here is based on genuine connection with some dude who then makes you available to befriend the other guys, and become a sexual option to the girls in the group.

This is a very broad, vague and unnecessary topic in seduction. One reason is that commonalities can take several forms like:

1. Mirroring or Isopraxism. A girl moves a certain way, speaks a certain way, or texts a certain way, then you simply mimic the movement, voice tonality, or textual spellings and codes.

2. Common experience. Say, you're both athletes in college and you both got gold medals in an inter state annual competition, then you have common experience.

3. Propinquity. If you live in the same home town, belong to the same block or apartment, know the same people in your community, then you have propinquity working for you.

There are other forms of commonalities of course such as adapting your conversational style to the style of the social circle you're interacting with (Wittgenstein's language games), dressing or behaving the same way (subcultural norms), and so on and so forth.

If you can get down to specifics and prescribe a clearer way to build commonalities from scratch or find existing common experiences (without appearing to be building rapport prematurely) that you can relate with to the social group, then your theory thread will be more functional.

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Thanks for the kudos OceanX

I think "isolation" and "negging" may have had their limited value, but becoming a PART of the group is definitely something that is rarely, if ever, expanded on in terms of importance in cold approach.

I agree that it's very broad - that's the point! I don't claim that it's a step by step seduction method - simply something that is extremely undervalued in terms of seduction and cold approach that could quickly mean the difference between being the outsider and someone who is being portrayed as higher value.

However, I disagree that it's "unnecessary"
It would be more likely the latter two examples
I don't necessarily agree that it's necessary to provide a specific, step by step model for building commonalities. IN fact, I think it's more important that each individual comes up with their own specific "routine" for finding commonalities that would suit their individual style. The problem with giving specific rather than broad advice is that each person has their own style and behaviour, and simply adapting a model won't work for them unless it's something that is already suited for them.

This is the PUA Lounge for theories. How exactly are commonalities working for you and how? If nobody can replicate it because your theory lacks specific details, how do we know what works and what does not?

This is like saying 'Go buy project management software' and then you have several dozen options without specifications or details on how these work, no free trial periods whatsoever, and each one costs at least US $100 per year. Without specifics, details or a free trial period when/where we can test the software, how on earth is something broad and vague essential or necessary?

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It's gonna seem like I am just disagreeing for the sake it but...

If commonalities were important, I'd still be a virgin. I don't think i'd want to be with a girl that is a clone of me and vice versa.

But in terms of befriending guys and getting them to intro you to his womenz then it's nothing but a good thing. But I wouldn't be trying to connect on 'commonalities' I am more focused on connecting with the energy of the interaction as opposed to...just liking the same music.

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Commonalities are important. That doesn't mean that you can't get laid without them.

The majority of women I have picked up on cold approach are usually either by themselves or with a VERY small groups of 2-3 persons. In that instance this isn't as necessary. However, since most people (especially women) go out with large groups which can be difficult to penetrate, this is useful.

The fact that I like hip hop and so do you wouldn't really be an important commonality.

If we both took a trip to see Burning Man...that would be far more useful.

I fully admit that my theory needs polish and work, and could do with a BIT more specificity.

It's not like it's a bad thread or anything...

I do agree somewhat, because let's say I go out in my home town and I meet a girl from the same town, that isn't exactly a commonality really, well it is, but it's nothing special at all, I am sure you will agree...UNTIL

You meet the same girl in a different country and suddenly the fact you're both from x city has some weight to it now. 'OH MA GERD! YOU'RE FROM X CITY TOO!' - Very subjective and relevant to the situation and that is the flaw I see with commonality subject. Because a commonality that can be so generic and boring is suddenly a big weapon depending on the situation.

I just think noobs shouldn't even need to think about trying to connect with commonalities, just kind of let it happen organically if it happens but i don't think there needs to be pro-action towards it because they will still sleep with you if you're attractive and the good vibes are flowing and dancing.

It is nice to to discover that you both have been sky diving though because most people are too much of a wuss and you have this 'you both VS them ' bond I guess though. But to be honest, I don't talk about that stuff to girls anyway. I guess with nightclubs, that crap is irrelevant.

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I totally see what you're saying, but I wouldn't class it as a "flaw". It simply means that you must know how to adapt to the situation at hand. Thus my point earlier -- it's a bit difficult to provide specificity because it depends on the particular individual and the specific situation.
In these cases it's more to gain access to groups and build your social value immediately in a group setting as opposed to one on one.

Probably going to sit home and think about how it can be applied on a wider scale though

What was the commonality?

Commonality #1 was the fact that we were in the Caribbean (where I live) but I had lived previously in a particular area in the UK where one of the group was from.

Commonality #2 was the fact that I was a writer, and the person I had spoken to owned their own (small) magzine and publishing company.

I'm for anything that works. Commonalities, etc. I do think their is much needed detail when it comes to seeking out commonalities. 1st and for most - how do you approach the group, or do approach the individual you hope to find commonalities with? How do you remain in the group long enough to find a commonality? Also how do you seek out commonalites without seemingly look like you're trying to build rapport.

How do you match the energy? How does that get you in the group? More details please?

Even without finding commonalities I've found that just generally shooting the shit with a group of guys can cause them to be totally open to your interest in their female friends. As an example once at a party i bonded with a some dudes who were in a room with their female friend (my original intent wasn't to "get to the target", it was just to chat with the guys for fun) and a little later found myself getting quite close with said female friend, right in front of them. They couldn't cockblock - I had become their "boy."

Thanks for responding.
I feel like that might work at a house party scenario. I'm more looking for examples at a bar or club. I'm interested in solely making friends not actually getting the girl.
See my thread for what I'm looking for. Any help would be appreciated
general-questions/building-social-circl ... 94569.html