I went on a date a couple days ago:

The girl is Polish. [For culture references].

At the end of the date, I carried on walking from the second venue back to my house and she followed. Although a few metres into the path she said "where are we going?"

"This way." I replied with a point to my house.

"Is that the way back to town?" She said.

"No." At this point she turned away and demanded I walk her back into town. I wasn't going to walk all the way back to town when my house was just down the road. So I told her:

"You're a big girl, you can take care of yourself."

To which she stormed off. I did not follow her.

The next day, she commented on how I am not respectful. How I should have done the common thing and walked her home, she also stated that if I ask her on the date, I must be the one paying for drinks. On this basis she said she does not want to see me again.

I told her, that is her choice and a fine decision, but that she has looked at the situation all wrong and I did not mean to come across as disrespectful. That's just not how I think it works. It's equal and that she must pay her way. Also, that she is a strong woman and does not need a man to walk her into town, but if she wants that. I will.

We continued talking on the phone and it all ended with her texting me:
"There's something about how you talk on the phone which I want to talk more."

I somehow think this is a big shit test from her to find out if I am a man or not. But even so, I am not considering it to be a shit test. I know, for a fact, that if I buy into her reality of the world, I will end up walking her home and paying for all her drinks and dinners with my own money. And I don't want to do that. So I must stick to my own reality, or let her go. In other words, die for what I believe in. Die, ofcourse, translating to let the girl go find a new man. It's my reality or nothing.

I will also point out that I brought up feminism on the phone to her:
"Just because of feminism, all girls think they can get men to buy their shit."

She called me out on this and suggested I look up feminism on Google. I will. Because I don't know enough about it, and it seems to be a massive issue with the way I react to girls and the world right now.

I can say though, never bring up feminism in a conversation with a girl. Ever.
And if it does come up, the response should be: "Okay. Cool... *change topic*"

Any thoughts?

C. Tingham

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View my YouTube channel at— Mindset Music

I can kinda see what you were trying to do by not saying explicitly you were walking to your place, but that only works if things are on and the vibe is good. If the vibe isn't that she is 100% down for sex or hooking up, better to give a reason to go back before walking. That shit can be scary for a chick if she isn't comfortable with you because you're basically putting her into a position where she has to agree to going home with you so she doesn't have to risk walking alone. As to who pays for drinks my thing is depends on who asks who out. But that's me. If you're different I'd say put it out there before hand instead of surprising her. Also, I'm so confused by what feminism is here lol. It's like some guys complain that women don't need a man = feminism and some complain that chick's expect them to buy them stuff = feminism. My understanding is that a feminist would have been the type to buy her own drinks regardless and won't expect you to walk her home.

I agree with neo87 in that I can see what you were trying to do with getting her back to your place... And as for not paying or walking her back, you were trying to set your boundaries, etc... And while that's fine and dandy, it obviously didn't accomplish what you wanted it to...

This is just my opinion, but I think you were most of the problem here (others may/probably will disagree with me):

1) You did ask her out. Pay for her drinks - or at least one or two of them... A cheap PUA, somewhere, at some point decided that making a girl pay or go dutch wasn't necessary to get laid... And in fact it's not... but it's also not an especially attractive quality in a guy for a girl who might be assessing him for something more... You're not doing yourself any favors by suggesting halfsies on a bar tab. You're cockblocking yourself to save a few bucks.

2) If she truly didn't know she was headed back to your place and you were just kind of guiding her there (which is a fine move - I'm not knocking it) - making her walk back to the city alone is a shit move... I think safety is probably the paramount concern here (and I do not know what the area is like... so I could be speaking out of my ass here)... If it's night time in a strange neighbourhood (where she clearly didn't know where she was) it's not really cool to make her walk alone. If the girl got mugged or some shit you'd feel awful - feminism aside.

Just my 2 cents.

Sorry but not walking her back home was a douche move. More than simply being a "big girl" it could potentially put her in danger, a single female walking home alone can be dangerous. She wasn't ok with you taking her to your place, you should have walked her back at least to a safe place. That's not feminism, that's being a good person.

That being said, she is obviously attracted, or else she would not have reengaged in coversation and told you that she wanted to talk to you more.

LMAO...OP, you are more of a feminist than she is.

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mpuaforum.proboards.com

The "women can never be alone" thing is a total myth, backed up by reams of crime statistics around the Western world. Yes, if you're in some Islamic shit hole, or much of Africa, women are in danger. But in the civilized world(or Sino-Asian countries), single women are actually less likely to be robbed or assaulted than lone men.

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RSDTyler

Pretty sure they're more likely to get sexually assaulted than men.

By people they know. Random kidnap rapes are something that basically don't happen. Much like child molestation. It's not some random person in the mall, it's someone who sees the kid on a regular basis.

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RSDTyler

Stats aside, it's dickish imo because it's close to coercion. Giving a girl and choice like that...come to my place or walk home alone. Maybe sexual assault is rarer these days, but for most women walking alone somewhere they don't know is a scary thing. I never thought I'd use the word coercion as the fems use but giving a girl 2 options like this, walk home and feel terrified, or come to my place even if you're uncomfortable with that, comes dangerously close.

Wow!!! That's probably the most uninformed, ignorant thing I'll hear all week. Before you shoot back another another argument, go ahead and post sources for all the research you conducted before making the quoted statement.

Either way, I don't understand why some ppl insist on letting all this PUA shit trump being a decent human being. Would you still agree that OP was in the right if it was your sister he was abandoning in an unfamiliar part of town?

Neo, my issue begins and ends on trying to sneak her back to his place. It's being pointlessly deceitful and will backfire more often than it helps. However, she is perfectly safe walking home by herself. If she's scared of it, oh well. Some people are scared of terrorism too. Some people are afraid of people breaking into their house and killing them. Some people are scared of dogs. These people are being irrational. I don't feel bad about not coddling irrational fears.
Sit
down
son.
Men are actually half as likely to be sexually assaulted by a stranger as women. And because regular assaults are 25x as prevalent as sexual assaults(and 250x more common than stranger rape), she's actually less safe with him walking with her.
Did you know that more women are assaulted when escorted by a man, than alone or with another woman? Actually, over %90 of women who are assaulted by men, are WITH a man, when it happens.

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RSDTyler

First, the article you link and so arrogantly title contains exactly one, broad Stat regarding sexual assault which boils down to .3% or respondents having been sexually assaulted in then surveyed year. So the article you link does nothing to back up your assertions thus farm. Though I will go out on a limb and agree that, yes...typically a male would need to be present for most rapes to occur. I would also venture a guess that assaults on males you are referencing are, in fact, assaults on boys.

But again, im not debating stats themselves, because all those prove is that these things could happen, and how statistically likely they are to happen.

Yes, alot of assaults happen by people the victim knows, however assaults can also be random. I can think of a ton of scenarios this girl could still have been assaulted that for within you rationalization of it being ok to be a whiny vagina and letting her walk around alone because a weak attempt to get her home didn't work.

Sometimes you just need to do the right thing regarldess how unlikely it will be that something bad happen as a result of your douchebaggery.

Again, I'd ask you to answer how you'd feel if this girl were your sister and she was examining this date to you the after. Would you really say "we'll statistically speaking it's very unlikely anything bad would have happened to you so I don't get why you're complaining"

I actually never worry about my sisters. They are intelligent adults who know to keep an eye out for danger, to have the number for a cab and knowledge of local bus routes in town, and if they flat-out don't feel safe because of where they are or some actual situation besides being alone is making them nervous, they know to call someone to pick them up. This isn't a real argument. Of course I'd be upset if something happened to them, but I'm not going to become a white knight and subscribe to the idea that rapists are around every corner. That's a feminist idea used to justify hating men for even saying hello to a girl.

OP, you really should have just made up a reason to go back to your place. You could have easily said you wanted to watch a movie, or mix some better drinks yourself, or showed her your goddamn fish tank it doesn't matter.

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These hos ain't loyal

Yes V...Her fears may be irrational...they may even be incorrect. I'm not arguing whether she is safer alone or whether she could get attacked. Just that it is a common fear most women would have walking alone somewhere they don't know and especially when they didn't think they would have to. And using that fear or discomfort by putting her in that situation to either a)come to your place or b) walk home alone is kinda fucked up to me. It's like well the girl isn't comfortable enough to come to my place, so instead of making her comfortable I'll give her a more uncomfortable option so she chooses to come home with me. it's not really whether she is safe or not..I don't know the neighborhood..just what's the motive behind putting someone in a come home with me or be uncomfortable and walk alone, or catch a cab situation. It just seems like someone trying to force something. If he had ended the date because of something she said or if she were boring or whatever and she had to walk home..then fine. But it just sounds like I'm gonna lead you somewhere so you're basically pressured to giving me what I want.

Neo, you're reading an ultimatum I didn't see. She asked where they were going, he said his place. She said she didn't want to go and then demanded he walk her into town. He said he wasn't going to do that and she stormed off. I never saw anything like "Come back home with me, or go walk alone". He basically said "I'm walking home, you do what you want".
It looked to me like he had just written the night off. I don't see where he was trying to coerce her into going back to his place.
I linked THREE. I even separated them by line.
Here they are again
http://www.aaets.org/article13.htm
http://www.abs.gov.au/AUSSTATS/abs@.nsf ... enDocument
http://www.aifs.gov.au/acssa/statistics.html#oscar

And I've seen a lot more, I just don't feel like hunting for references for you, when I know you don't give a shit about what the stats actually say(as you later state).
To recap
.3 are sexually assaulted. %8 of men, and %6 of women are assaulted. The third link states that %12 of women are raped by strangers and %25 of men are raped by strangers. Women are raped 4x as often, hence, men are half as likely. 25x * 10x = 250.
It specifically says "Over the age of 15".
And if your presence is causing them to be worse, rather than better... Why would you then suggest doing it anyway?
I should stay with her, so I can make her less safe! - What?
And I can think of a ton of scenarios where I win the lottery and go live in Barbados. But that has nothing to do with statistical realities.
I would say that the entire problem was him trying to sneak her back to his house. In that situation, I feel he is vastly more likely to rape her than a stranger.

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RSDTyler