Hey guys I looked at the recent threads and couldn't find one on the topic (but I'm lazy so I probably missed something). During the last year I've gained a significant amount of experience - mostly with bartenders and waitresses, and I definitely want to share it and maybe learn something new. So I'm going to write down my thoughts on them. I will love to hear other ideas, opinions and tips, relating to the subject.


Bartenders and Waitresses Game

1. Never ever try to pick-up or seduce a bartender or waitress when she's at work - she is paid to be nice to people, so many guys interpret her constant smiling wrong and think she is attracted to their witty comments or compliments. Don't be that guy - the only time when you shoud try to become "more than friends" with her is in her free time, when you go out for coffee/beer/movie or something else. When she's working - just be social and friendly.

2. Don't try to impress her - remember that she's constantly interacting with people. She probably has seen better looking guys, guys with more money, guys with better education and so on. Trying to brag will just make you look insecure. Let her find out about your positive qualities, rather than forcing her to notice them.

3. Contribute - you should bring something to the table (preferably good emotions and interesting conversations). She can talk to all the customers (or read a book if she's alone). If you're not making her feel good, she doesn't have a reason to get to know you. Social intelligence and humor are crucial. Girls don't want to hear about your job, leadership, how many girls are in love with you or something like that. They just want to have fun, because, let's face it - it's her job and she's probably slightly bored.

4. Don't be attached to any outcome - she doesn't owe you anything. Be nice and respectful - if she chooses to talk to someone else, don't get pissed off, emotional or try to compete for her attention. Also don't become needy or clingy (I think it's obvious)

5. Don't rush things - she won't disappear, there's no need to try to get her number the first time you see her. There's no need to worry about anything.

6. The only way you are going to learn is by going out and actually doing something. You may listen to my advice or you may try something on your own - learning comes with practice.

And an example from my own experience. It was actually the first time I met a bartender, about a year ago. Since then my attitude and behavior have changed quite a lot, but I view it as a nice starting point for me, that illustrates many of the concepts i outlined above.

Background: I went out to a bar with my ex (we're still friends) and for some reason she pissed me off. When she decided to go home, I immediately went back to the bar to have a beer.
Me (to the bartender, when she looked at me surprised that I'm back a minute after I left): I'm going to need a beer (smiling)
Bartender: The date didn't go well? [she doesn't have something better to do at the moment so she's being polite]
Me: It wasn't a date. This girl was my ex. We broke-up 2 years ago.
Bartender [surprised]: And you still go out?
Me: We're friends. She's a nice girl. We just didn't get along too well, but she's a great person [never talk shit about your ex-girlfriends, it doesn't make you any good].
Bartender: Well, this is really nice.
Me: Sure... But let's talk about something else, because I feel like the guy in the old movies, that complains to the big muscular bartender, while he polishes a whiskey glass. (the bartender is a short girl, so she's probably amused by the analogy)
Bartender [laughing]: Yeah, I also feel like that sometimes. Here I can be a bartender and a psychologist combined.
Me: I really like your attitude. My name is
Bartender: I'm [Name], nice to meet you.
Me [finishing my beer]: Look, I've got to go and meet my friends. It was really nice meeting you.
The key here is that I managed to make an impression, without bragging, being rude or overstaying my welcome. And surely, the next time I went there, she remembered me.

After that, I visited her a couple more times and we eventually became friends. I got her number and until recently we used to hang out. She had a boyfriend, but introduced me to a couple of her female friends and also to the other female bartenders that work in the bar. In general, she is a really nice girl and an interesting person (also a great cook). I didn't sleep with her (and I probably won't), but I'm glad that I met her.

It's nice that you met such a good friend through PU.
And respect for not going for the BF crush, you obviously have had far more gain by being a friend than a FWB.

But back to the point at hand

Having worked in and managed a variety of hospitality and catering venues I see it from both sides. I've picked up a few bartenders as a customer and even a few customers when i'm serving.

I disagree slightly with number 1. She is paid to put money in that till. She achieves this by being polite, friendly and well mannered thus making you more willing to continue drinking. Like any other set you just have to DHV than the AFCs. Irrespective of the fact that, because opening is her job, she gets hit on more than an average HB. I've actually had it noted my PU was a refreshing change to the usual crap she got and that's the reason things escalated.


Other than that you make good points but I see no distinction from "regular" game

Well it depends on what you consider "regular" game With other girls, I'm usually a bit more direct and sometimes a little arrogant (without being rude or disrespectful) and I found out that this doesn't quite work on hired guns.
I don't like the so-called "cold approach" and this is one of the reasons I usually befriend the bartenders and waitresses - they are fun to talk to and usually introduce you to their friends, so you basically know the staff, the regular customers and from there it becomes relatively easy to meet new people who visit the place. And in my case (I go out alone when meeting new girls), if I hit on a bartender the first time I meet her, she won't react well, because usually she is trying to determine am I really just a cool guy, hanging out and making new friends, or a freak that has nowhere else to go But once she knows that you're just out to have fun, it becomes really easy to escalate things from there.
And Ardour, I want to ask you, when you are talking to other bartenders, do you mention that you also have a similar job? (it's definitely a great commonality - you can talk about the job, share funny stories about customers and stuff like that, which is nice ). Would also like to hear some of your own experiences and views on the subject, since you've seen it from both sides.

You make a valid point. Every barkeep loves a friendly regular. They are who make the job worthwhile.

Maybe because i'm so immersed in the bartender culture and time constraints that come with it, that that basically is my regular game - chatting up customers, drinking with them outside of work and chatting up bartenders. Nicely avoiding my sticking point completely. Creating connection.

I do mention it yes, add a little DHV that I am a manager too. Maybe thats why I can get away with a more direct play; large amounts of preset commonality. I'm checking her out whilst shes serving someone else, she knows it, throwing subtle looks at me that says everything I need to know about what she thinks about this person.

Basically all of my interactions have a subtle C&F, flirtatious /sexual undertone to them. Even to people that garner no interest, and even other men (no homo), its just my character.

You also have to remember that whilst you are out drinking, this is day game, you're chatting up a sober person whilst shes working. And on the flip side, when I'm sober and serving, because im chatting up people drinking, it's night game.

This on time at band camp, this HB7 came in with her boyfriend and a few of his mates. They were sitting at the bar and I was being my normal casual self. We were throwing flirty banter back and forth, all friendly, boyfriend sat right next to her. She turns around and says "I have a friend that i think would be really into you". She phones up her mate and gets her to come down. Joking about how she's a slut and would definitely sleep with me. Her mate turns up and it turns into a 2-set play. Throwing banter all around. Cut a long story short, #close with an instadate after work talking in the car park for about an hour. Unfortunately she's driven to prove her friend wrong that shes not a slut so I get LMR on a f-close, plenty of making out though and building a sexual tension. We actually sexted instead and I got a few topless shots, great tits. F-closed on the second date and ended up a regular thing for a few weeks. Turns out she was a single mum, met the kids a few times but split before things got too heavy.