Quote:
Quote from "the dating black book" written by Carlos Xuma:
The Myth of the “Jerk”
Why do women respond to and stay with Jerks? Even when they protest how much they mistreat them?
Because:
Jerks emulate the qualities of high self-confidence without understanding it.
Think about it. How does a Jerk behave?
- He puts himself and his pleasure ahead of everyone else in his life
- He can (and often does) dump women who cause him grief
- He doesn’t care what others think of him – he doesn’t need anyone’s approval
- He doesn’t suck up to women or put them on pedestals
- He doesn’t let people disrespect him
- He gets angry and shows it
- He isn’t afraid of hurting a woman emotionally
The reason they have this success is that they have all the qualities that women respond to. But what makes a Jerk too much is that they go to the extreme end of these behaviors, in essence appearing too abrasive, self-serving, and self-centered. There is a middle ground to be had, but it is important for you to understand why these guys are so successful with women.
Often times what women describe as a “jerk” sounds so horrible when you hear them talk about it (and where most Nice Guys get the wrong idea, thinking that they need to seek the opposite kind of behavior.)
The Truth is, the complaining you hear is actually a mixture of:
- A woman’s frustration at not being able to control the relationship the same
way they have in the past, and
- His truly jerk-ish qualities.
Face it, guys, if it was a clear cut case of him being a genuine jerk, i.e., some asshole no one wants to be around, she wouldn’t be with him. But he has qualities that are un-tame-able and attractive and addicting, so she stays.
*By the way, Post-facto Jerks (the men who are labeled Jerks after the woman has broken up with him) do
not necessarily count. In this case, the women are only justifying their decision after the fact. What I term Jerks are the men that women love to date and complain about.
A true man is always a gentleman, and the negative qualities of Jerks should be avoided. These are:
- Unnecessary anger (demonstrating a lack of Self-discipline)
- Disrespect or insulting behavior
- Abuse (of any kind)
- Overtly arrogant behavior
- Intentionally inflicting emotional hurt
You're right I read Carlos Xuma's material you're reffereing too.
What uou described there is what I was talking about as a gentleman with an edge my last gf we broke up because the relationship ran its course no real reason I could probably call her up today if I wanted, but she loved me because I had my own things on the go didn't smother her teased her was totally unpredictable I'd call her at 2 in the morning and tell her to come out swimming shit like that. I had all the good qualities you describe of the jerk, but she knew I would never mistreat her and liked her, but also wasn't afraid to let her walk either, and if something serious ever happened and she needed me there to support that I would be there. To me that's the idea of middle ground gentleman with an edge. Alpha bad boy, but can be supportive when its nesessary.
CHAT
