Hey dudes,

I'm not a total AFC; I do know what i'm meant to be doing, and a lot of the time, (increasingly) I do. There's this girl however, that I met about a month ago, have seen eachother 3 times since the original meeting and have been texting/facebooking eachother almost non stop since - sounds great huh? No. You see, in eachother's physical company it's great, we're always making out, holding hands, everything - it's amazing. She's even said to me that she likes me, but just wants to take things slow. I'm not too pushy, and every text she sends me, I try to write back with something C&F or that DHV's me or Negs her or is good push-pull technique. Thing is, she's hard, and she loves playing games - she's even told me that.

It's getting to the stage where it's really pissing me off now. I'll say something like "hey, i'm getting my ear pierced on saturday, come along, be my nurse", or in fact, anything to make some sort of effort to see her and she'll be like "yeah, awesome, sounds great" and then flake out on me at the last second. This has happened a few times, and each time it sounds like it's a legit. excuse, but the thing that gets me is that she never goes "Oh, i don't know if i'll be able to make that", but always agrees, then flakes out last minute. I'd normally take that as her not wanting to see me, but it doesn't always happen, and some plans have gone well. So today I sent, as part of a text to her, "Is there something you want to do next week?", put the ball in her court so it's not always me making the plans or using the same canned line "i'm doing such and such, tag along if you want.". No reply. I really want to tell her to stop playing games as it's boring me and quite frankly turning me off to some extent, but I know if I say that, she's gonna think i'm being a moody asshole and that's not good.

So how do I stop her from being like this, and being more, committed/playing less hard to get?

I know you're all going to reply with, "freeze her out, push-pull", which i've been doing lots now, but still, when interaction takes place she's still like this, so there must be some way?


Thanks x

you shouldn't flat out tell her that you've had enough, but you should give her that impression. i'm afraid you're gonna have to freeze her out, keep busy and try be seen enjoying yourself, having a ball without her basically. be seen with other girls. when she thinks oh shit he's forgotten all about me and he's never gonna text me again then she'll come back

Well speaking from a little bit of experience is it fair to say that you have a case of oneitis? Generally i find that if i get into a place where a girl is starting to get to me i say/portray characteristics that DLV. If this is the case you need to re-evaluate the situation and maybe come from it at a different angle? The question you have to ask yourself is 'have i vested to much interest too fast?'
- You have to be hard to get, you are the prize! She has to want you.

hope this helps, trying to contribute a bit more to the community!
Good Luck

--TiIMe

Agreed with LOCO. You've got to freeze her out big time, not just one day. Freezw her out for like a couple of days and see how she reacts. If you find a couple of days too much, IMO you are already in one-itis stage, you've got to take some risk.

Now you are the one that is feeling like shit, let her feel like shit. If she wants attention from you, she needs to hang out with you more often. Reward her attention by talking to her again.

Good luck!

If you are going to freeze her out, you need to give her the implication that you are in fact freezing her out.

If you don't talk to her for a couple of days, she may not think anything of it. The idea is to get her to start questioning why you suddently stopped calling/texting/facebooking whatever. .

(BTW, do you know if there is another guy involved?)

Right on. How do you imply that you're freezing her out Jay Wa?

I know for a fact there is not another guy involved.

Call her. Talk to her for about 90 seconds or so. And then apologize and tell her you have another call coming in that you absolutely have to take. Then you don't call her back. . .it's like magic.

I'll let you know if I can come up with any more ideas.

Alright, rad. Yeah, i'd love to hear more of you guys' ideas. Thanks for 'em all so far!

Oh also. Talking to one of her friends this morning, it seems the friend she's gone to visit this weekend is a guy. Apparently he's a friend of the family, but it beggars the question, why is she willing to go to the effort of visiting him for a weekend but it's too hard to visit me for an evening? I don't know what the score is with this guy and what level of intimacy their friendship (if at all) is at.

She was sending me texts last night saying "I want you quite a bit" and "You want me soo much" and I haven't heard from her today so I sent "Alright, I texted you, what are your other 2 wishes?" Haven't heard back yet.

Do I bring up the subject of who this guy is or what?

There's just a load of mixed messages coming at me with this broad and i'm the most confused i've ever been with a girl.

HELP!!

I would recommend you not bring up the other guy. . .it's just asking for trouble.

Perhaps you want to start talking about another girl? Just throwing the idea out there.

Yeah, absolutely. I have mentioned many times, especially when she's flaked out on me, stuff like "No worries, I'm gonna go for dinner with my friend, she just came back from Italy" and stuff like that, but I don't want to give the impression I am seeing someone else as I'm still so unsure about this one that I feel I could possibly send her running with one foot outta line.

She has told me however that she wants to "do what we were gonna do last week" this coming week, which was to go eat something then me drive her home. She also said, "I wanna see your car" - suggestive?

I've been reading a load of Swinggcat lately and actually today my frame has been amazing - "I feel sorry for her, she's up in Leeds with some friend of the family she's stuck with, having to feign having a good time and the whole time she's wishing she was here with me. She can't text me because she's being kept busy but I know when she sees me next week she won't be able to keep her hands off me."

Just as another thing, how do I bring up the subject of what day we're seeing eachother next week without sounding needy?

x

Hobbitt,

See honestly, I'd LOVE to say something like that, really I would. I know it's even worked for a close friend of mine. Thing is, I'm pretty sure i'd end up sounding like I'm havig a go at her, when I wouldn't be, you know?

However, I also think it's pretty much my only option else we'll keep on going round in circles. Is there another way you can reccommend phrasing it? And is it best said in person?

Cheers,

x

I don't disagree with being blunt about it. . . Yes, you should definitely do that (I prefer public places, but that's just me).