I think, now that i look back on my life that i was in fact always alpha, always a dominant male, in all my life, but it always ended on establishing my dominance, i always refused to lead, not that i did not want to, but they were always telling me it was somehow wrong, because leading meant imposing my will on other people, which is only logical, if a tribal leader says tribe is moving west and 5 guys want to go east he cant have that. The thing is it always landed me in trouble, always made me an outcast because when you establish your dominance as a leader people expect you to fucking lead. The leader that refuses to lead is just way too dangerous, if there is a lack of food the leader has to decide which way the tribe will go, and suffer the consequences if he failed, leader who did not want to take responsibility was a dead weight. So why did i make so much effort to keep my leadership under control? Simple, i am not only dominant in life, i am also dominant in bed, like extremely dominant (you are the first people i talk about this openly, my brothers know, they found out on their own).

I am into S&M, and that is the side of me i was trying to squash out of existence whole my life. I completely rewrote my personality, set this side of me apart like a separate entity, i even called it him(as opposed to me), and him became my nemesis, i refused to lead because it reeked of him. Imposing my will on other people just felt like something he would do, and by doing it(even n the noblest of causes) seemed like giving him ground. I first went into dating because i wanted to find a woman that will help me finish him off, because you see, as much as i tried to suppress him it only made him stronger, i was fighting a loosing battle. My worst fear was that she would find him more attractive than me, and i was right. My first tries went badly, as you may expect, but once i found PUA community i found out why, so i tried to "program" into myself the model that PUA philosophy advocates, in essence i was trying to be a man, without being a man.



It was some half way trough that i realized that all traits i was trying to breed in me, he already has. what sealed the deal was the work of David Shade, all until now i was hoping i could just let him out, just for an hour or two, as long as i need him, and then suppress him back, my regular nice guy persona refused to bow and gracefully leave the throne, but when i read Shade i realized that, if i was to "fulfill in bed what i was making myself to be outside" then he was here to stay. In essence i am like a shining knight that went into a catacomb to kill a monster and claim a princess, but on each gate the gatekeeper told me i must leave a part of my armor because it can not go beyond this point, all until the point where no armor was left and i realized that i was in fact a monster, but it is ok because the princess prefers the monster over knight anyway, and in the process i had to shed that socially acceptable nice guy armor i wore all my life. So tell me, did i make a pact with the devil? Hope this was not TL DR, but it is my most sincere, well i guess we can call it coming out of the closet, because i think you guys may understand.


EDIT:Better?

Damn.

Break down this wall of text into several paragraphs.

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First off for readability I agree 100% with what Hellhound said. Paragraphs man... use them.

Now off to your "problem"...

First saying I can relate to you. I'm also into S&M and D/s dynamics and I have to tell you first that you have nothing to be ashamed of. The inner dominant you fear is not something that you should try and suppress. At the same time the nice guy exterior is not something you should try and stifle. Trust me, women love the kinky dominant man for the same reasons they love a bad boy.

Plus if you're good at what you do then they know for a fact that sex with you is going to be amazing.

So stop beating yourself up. What you need to do is find the confidence within yourself to trust your dominance when you need to. The only warning I give is that trusting "him" too much will lead to you being easily blinded, ego driven, and pig-headed, traits that will eventually lead to your downfall.

My advice to you is to find a healthy balance between the nice guy and the dominant beast you keep caged inside yourself. For example:

I'm a nice guy at heart and generally a funny joker. But after I have established rapport and attraction I feel a bit more comfortable letting "him" out to play. So generally when women shit-test me at this stage I have no problem with taking them right over my knee and giving them a spanking. I'm able to get away with this because they've already built up enough comfort to allow physical contact (even if I haven't gotten a k-close yet) and they see I'm not afraid to get physical in lieu of them calling me out on my shit.

Side story: Recently a few chicks were hanging with me and my roommate. A hb 8.5 said something smart-ass to me and I hit her with a pillow. She immediately cocked back and gave me a playful jab to the cheek out of automatic reaction. I stared into her eyes for a quick second while we both processed what just happened. Out of instinct at this point I grabbed her and put her right over my knee infront of all of our friends. Her ass sure was sore after that! This also opened up the gates for us play fighting in the future, but ever since then (playing or not) she knows not to cross me. (Because by not being afraid to put her back into line I had gained her RESPECT)

Now I don't have any "spanking routines" canned and ready to go, but I hope I gave you a brief insight to how I let my inner dominant strengthen my game rather than hamper it. (If I was ashamed of my dominance how is she supposed to submit to it?)

Hope my "monster" was able to help yours out a little bit~

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T KNOW HOW YOUR GAME OPERATES. WHAT MAY WORK IN SOME PLACES MAY NOT WORK IN OTHERS. (and the same goes for some people vs different people) PLAY THE GAME SMART AND IF A WOMAN EVER TELLS YOU STOP YOU LISTEN TO HER. I'm not advocating anything stupid here.

Thanks man, i appreciate that, i think that the part that rely scared me in shade's book is the part with the hand, where the hypnotist says to the subject that her hand is so relaxed that the subject can not move it even if he/she wants to. That tells me that a set of Asimov like rules that hypnotists say to put the subject at ease are just half truths, as follows:

You cannot be hypnotized unless you want to (but you can not withdraw your consent when you are already under), and you will remember absolutely everything (but you wont be able to do shit about it, and if i tell you to forget you will forget).

Your subconscious is always working to protect you, even under hypnosis(but the bulk of your defense mechanisms were operated by your conscious mind, and i am already under that shield, so i can take them off line, permanently if i want).

All your senses are still working, in fact they are heightened, under hypnosis you would not do anything that is contrary to your core belief(but the very fact that i was able to hypnotize you is that your core belief is that you want to submit to me, and that is the dominant belief SPAM.)

I have no interest in your secrets(does not alter the fact that i can get them if i want) and you would not give them anyway(unless i convince you that you want to).

I have no interest in making you cluck like a chicken(but i could if i wanted to).

The only thing that will happen is that your busy chattering conscious mind will melt away and you will fell totally relaxed(taking with it a bulk of defense mechanisms that we use to keep intruders out of our taught process).

I will only put you under for long enough for you to enjoy deep relaxation, and then i will take you right out, no commands, no stage acts( whether i will keep this promise or not is entirely up to me tough).

The very of having so much power over somebody is frankly terrifying, i will quote

Well here you have it boys, now tell me that is not some scary shit, what if i said to her "you really want to obey my every command, obeying my every command makes you rely happy, disobeying any of my commands makes you very unhappy and sad" the seeds are already there(because she was able to be hypnotized in the first place). What if i told her "disobeying me feels like thousands of hot spikes are piercing you all over your body", or "you will never again be able to achieve orgasm unless i permit it", yes it goes booth ways, what if i told her "being in my presence is like a drug for you, being away feels like going trough withdrawal" and what if i then told her "you will forget what i did, but you will be obeying what i just told you", she would come out of it never knowing that i just basically raped her mind.

Now you tell me if that is not some scary shit, personally, i don't think i would ever allow anybody to hypnotize me, yes i am scared, and with a very good reason, i am not ashamed to admit i am scared, and that i like my defense screens just the way they are, protecting me.

Do your mom and dad know about this?

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HAHAHA BRILLIANT!

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No, and i hope they never find out,my parents like to fancy themselves liberal but frankly i think they would not be able to handle this.

what would they do if they found out somehow?

perhaps they would put you right over the knee in front of all of your friends and family and make your ass sore?

and what would you do afterwards, perhaps unleash HIM ?

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Hahaha , you are funny, no but they would be burdened by that knowledge and i don't want them to have to carry that burden, clear? Reason why i hide this is because i love my family and that knowlage would hurt them. What they dont know cant hurt them .

This thread is now about the powerpuff girls.

the fuck did i just read

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The thing you should be aware of about the devil is that he has already been defeated.

Don't be offended. You asked a spiritual question so here is the spiritual answer.

Jesus Christ was created to destroy Satan's works and defeat Satan himself. Even if you thought you sold your very soul to the devil, he could only have it if God willed that to happen.

I guarantee that's not the case. I personally believe in God and I don't think God would do anything to harm you or even allow you to get so far out of control that you lost eternity. For that is what is to come. Death is but a shadow of time and time is only real while we live. After death time, the illusion, ceases to have any meaning and we move on into forever. When you ponder these things, ponder them in peace. For it is in peace that you shall find the truth and in chaos that you shall perceive only illusions.

My suggestion is to allow yourself to be who you are without dissociating into multiple identities. You could suffer psychologically from such practice. Make amends with the fact that you have two sides. On your left shoulder is a little devil that wants you to do daring, risky and sometimes downright awful things for the sake of momentary pleasure. On your other shoulder there is an angel who reminds you that you are a flesh and blood human being with a heart and a soul who is not doomed forever, but rather loved unconditionally and has the capacity to be the embodiment of love for another.

There are two wolves: A good wolf and a bad wolf. Which one wins? The one you feed the most.

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That's my $0.02

-Bluesy

He looks like a lobster.

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Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

I taught i was clear enough, i always had that dominant side, power is like a drug for me, and i always suppressed it to the best of my ability. But i want my future girlfriend to have as much pleasure as i can possibly give her, so i started to read David Shade(recommended by the members of this very forum), but what he is advocating is a Master-slave relationship, pure and simple, and that is the very thing i was avoiding for my whole life.

Also, there is maybe a VERY good reason why pleasure(especially strong pleasure such as orgasm) was kept out of our control. If you ever heard of experiments with pleasure centers of rodents performed by James Olds and Peter Milner in the 50es you would know what i am talking about.

In short they hooked up electrodes directly into the pleasure centers(limbic system) of rats, every time rat would cross from one end of the cage to another that would give him a surge of electric induced pleasure. The rat would keep crossing even when they put highly electrified barrier between that caused great pain. Furthermore when they gave the rat an option to "hit" himself by pulling a lever he would just keep pulling that lever time after time forgoing food, water, sleep and in case of female rats offspring.

He would just keep pulling the lever until he died of exhaustion. Those mechanisms were invented to reward good behavior( eating, drinking, exercising, and mating), if we can activate those mechanisms without having to "earn it", then what prevents us from just "hitting" ourselves repeatedly until we die, just like the rats(and don't think that our complicated brains will protect us, experiment with human produced the exact same result, given the opportunity human "hit" himself no less then 1500 times).