The importance of sex quickly at the start of a relationship is not obvious to the average guy. Let me explain:
When I first joined this community about 2 or 3 years ago, I was looking for "How to get good with women". I WAS NOT looking for "How to get laid". That may sound weird to some of you, and it may make complete sense to others. Pre-community, I didn't really have many cock-in-pussy sexual relationships...I had lots of makeouts, titty grabs, a few mouths on my penis, and a few fingers in a vagina here and there, but had only had actual dick-in-pussy sex with 3 women before I had a very long-term LTR, who was my 4th. When I got out of that relationship, I wanted to know "how to get good with women again", and be just like I was back when I was a teenager. I was quite shocked to find that all the information I was finding out there had such a HUGE EMPHASIS on GETTING LAID. I honestly just didn't get it, as just going out and fucking chicks was not really my goal.
There have been occassions both before my LTR, during my LTR, and after my LTR that I have met "such a great girl"....one that's so cool, cute, fun, awesome, etc...and my "game" was to try and connect with her - make her laugh, be friends with her, let her know how awesome and cool I was, etc... but none of the things I would do with these girls actually involved me trying to FUCK THEM....kiss them maybe, but not rip their clothes off and fuck them. Like I said, I really wasn't that concerned with having sex with them ASAP. My thoughts were that just having said cool girl interested in me, and hanging out with me, was awesome. I didn't really care about the "sexual part of the relationship"....at least, it wasn't my first priority. In fact, my LTR that I'm referring to was a virgin when I was first with her, and I think it was something like 6 months until I finally had sex with her. It wasn't because I was scared or anything, it's just because I assumed that because she was a virgin, she wasn't interested in sex yet. Sounds super gay, I know....but it just wasn't a concern of mine really...I just thought she was a cool ass chick. When we finally fucked for the first time, it was because my buddy came up to me and said "Dude your girl is drunk as shit...she was just talking about how horny she is, and she wants TONIGHT to be the night that she loses her virginity. Go tear that shit up dude." I was like, "Alright cool..." Then I fucked her like 4 times that night, and it was awesome! But that was back when we were teenagers, and sex was still pretty new.
As an adult that's not how it works, but many guys don't grow up out of that same type of thinking. I see it all the time, everyday, and because of being here for a few years, it's clear as day that guys are going about it the wrong way. I believe that what I just described above is typical "Male AFC thinking".
A male AFC, who has matured into an adult, may not necessarily understand that sex is VERY IMPORTANT to a relationship. The reason he may not understand it is because he doesn't understand how women work....
Don't get me wrong, I am not claiming to be an expert at female psychology by any means, but I do understand this. I'm assuming that there are many other men out there, that are unaware of what we talk about here in the community, that think exactly the same way as I am talking about in the first few paragraphs of this post. I believe many men meet a girl, think that she is super hot/cute, and if she happens to be pretty cool...then he may attempt to build a connection with her, but may not attempt to fuck her ASAP because he doesn't want to move too quickly and risk "screwing it up". But by moving too slowly, he is actually doing more damage. An average guy will typically think like this. I know, because I used to be one of them.
He may want to fuck her too....he may think that would be really awesome, but that may not be his primary goal. He may be more concerned with just getting her to like him, and hanging out with her often, and then maybe as the "relationship" progresses, sex will eventually happen.
This "not caring so much about the sex" thing, and "caring more about 'connecting' with the dream girl" can happen on several levels. Some guys may completely not give a shit about when the sex will happen, like how I was with my LTR which I described above. Some guys may secretly be waiting for the big day when the magic happens (these guys are the ones who get friend zoned). Some guys will push for it sooner (the horny-ass motherfuckers, most with shitty game). And some guys will get it when they so choose (the players, naturals, PUAs, whatever you wanna call them)....whatever....Every guy is different, but many AFC's seem to have similar beliefs that sex is not that huge of a part of a relationship.
The important point I'm trying to make with this post is that in our adult lives, TO WOMEN SEX IS THE #1 MOST IMPORTANT THING TO STARTING A RELATIOSHIP.
I didn't immediately get this when I first found out about the community....I didn't get it at all actually. I was going on with my adolescent male minded beliefs that I wanted to be really good with women, and I just wanted to have a relationship with them, but I wasn't really concerned with how to get into her pants.
What I've came to accept as truth through a mix of lots of reading and a decent amount of experience with new girls, is that the way to a girls heart is THROUGH SEX. This may be old news to many of you, and it's pretty much old news to me too at this point, but after reading that post I linked to, it reminded me of the days when I used to occassionally run into "my perfect woman" but never fucked them.
I'm still like this today....sex really isn't THAT important to me. However, having females in my life IS very important to me. Having COOL females in my life is even more important to me. Knowing this, I now use my little bit of knowledge on female psychology to control a women's emotions in order to get her to feel for me what I do for her. I do this by FUCKING HER.
That is the way to truly get a woman interested and invested in you - fuck her, and fuck her damn good!!!
Like I said, sex is not, and never was the end goal for me....
getting the girl to be all about me, and realize how cool I am, and win her heart, and what not is the end goal for me when it comes to women. There is only one way to do that - fuck them. I have to stick my cock into their pussy in order to get what I want from them. The sex is WAY more important to THE WOMAN then it is to me. That's cool...I understand that now, and I use that knowledge to get what I want.
This makes the following points make a lot of sense:
- why women go for "jerks" that just try to fuck them, and not the "nice guys" that don't
- why the whole community is based around getting laid
- why every FB rule, mLTR rule, LTR rule, etc... is based on GIVING GREAT SEX and lots of orgasms
- why "game" is about controlling a woman's emotions, but really controlling her emotions = getting her wet and then fucking her
- Women are much more likely to get into a relationship with a guy they are fucking rather then some guy that they are not yet
I remember back in the day a poster on mASF named Pureevil wrote about this:
http://www.fastseduction.com/cgi-bin...24664815515826
It was the first time I had ever really heard of such a thing. Apparently he was initially like I was (doing things backwards), and he figured it out that in order to really "get the girl" you have to fuck her first.
60yearsofChallenge also wrote about the same topic here on mASF:
http://www.fastseduction.com/cgi-bin/se ... 6654384627 40&method=browse
So for the entire time, before I knew of the community, I was seeking "Need 2" more then "Need 1" as 60 put it. In all honesty, I still seek the same thing....not that I don't like sex, but it's just really not a huge priority for me. I have tons of fun nights when I'm out hanging around lots of hot women....even if I don't get laid, I still have a blast.
However, if there is any particular girl that I am interested in, and I want her to supply me with what I want (her emotional investment in me), then I have to fuck her first.....again, not like it's such a bad thing that I have to fuck a hot pussy, but it's basically a requirement if I want her "feminine energy" given to me.
Practical application of this idea is pretty simple, yet very empowering:
Having the belief that any girl that shows the slightest bit of interest in you is basically offering you 2 options: Either fuck her if you want her, or don't fuck her if you are not interested in her. Even if you are like me, and enjoy the emotional investment of a hot, cool girl more then the actual sex, it doesn't matter....because you will get BOTH as soon as you fuck her, and fuck her good! If you don't fuck her, then you get NEITHER.
So basically when guys take girls on dates, and do lots of nice things for her, and try to really build a solid connection, rather then just trying to fuck her ASAP, it's going in the complete wrong direction...even if you just are interested in "taking things slow because she's a really cool girl, and you don't want to risk fucking it up". You're fucking it up, but NOT trying to fuck her.
To all the veterans of the community, this is probably old news, but every new girl that gets completely hooked on me causes me to understand this concept more and more.
CHAT
. I now realise exactly what i'm doing wrong every time. I'm basically searching for connections, trying to take things slow, but that's just the way you end up friendzoning yourself. I'm just like the guy in the story: sex is not THAT important to me, but now I see that it's actually the tool to get a connection with the woman you like. That's something I should never, ever forget!