Hey Adam, I've got a real problem. I have fallen in love with a girl who I consider my best friend. This girl has invested time and energy into me beyond the call of duty and I don't know why... I really think she sees me as "just a friend" and so I've been trying to get out of the "friendzone", so I'm on this 2 week freeze out from her and I guess my point is that late Sunday night, she called me up and asked me to come over; that she was depressed. I said no, due to the "freeze out", but I feel bad about it and I feel like I owed it to her to go over. I'm a week in but I really do miss her to the point I'm almost ready to cut this shit out and just call her. Any advice? Should I stick this out or go about it a different way?? Thanks -Constantine

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"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail"-Emerson

Hey Adam,

I was thinking about introducing one of my best friends to the world of pick-up because I could really use a wing in-field. What do you think about this and what do you think the best way to go about this is? I have heard of bad reactions to telling people about pick up, and I don't want this to happen to me.

Thanks

Dear Adam,

(skip to bold if you don't want to skip to the point)

I've been going out with a few of my mates to "sarge". I really dislike that term but thats what the call it and there are more of them.

I generally like to see my days with them that I "sarge" as days I hang out with buddies, and if I happen to see a cute chicka, I go talk to her. Anyways thats beside the point.

When we do go out it will happen that none of us talk to anyone at all. But when I am alone I will talk to girls that I consider cute.

What is going on?

I generally like to use direct openers or compliment openers (thats a cool bracelet! or I think you look really cute) on cold sets, and indirect on warm sets.

I've never gotten a poor response out of either of my methods, and I usually hook. I'm not afraid of opening, I'm really not. I don't have that fear gripping my heart.

Why cant I open when I'm with my mates, but I can when I'm alone?

They all practice pickup (in case you skipped down)

Cheers

P.S. What character were you in D&D?

Hey man. How've you been? Hope everything is going good.
First things first, thank you for the time and effort. I should give you a hug man! Here's a cyber-hug.

First things second, hah. I actually wanted to write a new post about this, but since my post count isnt 50 yet, I couldnt. So i thought that until I reach that number, I would discuss it with you.
I've always thought that being nice can't be what turns women off. I actually have this friend that girl's around him love, and guys befriend him within minutes. He's a good guy. And he is what "we" label as a "nice guy". For the record (in case this makes any difference), he is very good looking, but thats not it.
This guy always puzzled me. There's just something about him that makes his interaction with other people so smooth. Charisma
He used to give me some advice on how to act around women. I once asked him about how is he so good with women, he said: "I just understand them. I understand women".
Now this is great, but it wasnt helpful. I wanted to learn his mental attitude, his mindset about women. Nevertheless.

Anyway Adam, to get to the point, I think there is a fundamental difference that I found between me and him (and pretty much everyone who's good with women). I have a passive aggressive behavior. He doesnt.
(By the way man, this is what may lead to this kind of behavior: "It is thought that this pattern is learned in childhood. It is most likely a response to parents who exercised complete control and did not let their child express themselves. To cope, a child will adopt a passive-aggressive behavior pattern" And this in fact, is what my childhood was like. Boohoo)
Anyways man, its not about being nice or not. Being nice has always been a good thing. Passiveness, isnt.

The hard thing is that most passive aggressive people dont realize that they are. This is actually in the definition. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive_aggression

This may be the first time you hear of it, maybe not. But since I trust your good and wise advice you've always gave us, what's your take on that & how do you think someone that acts this way can stop this behavior?

Loads of Love man,

File

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Whether you think you can, or whether you think you cant, you are right.
H. Ford

Hey Topdown,

Breaking rapport with a neg or disqualifer is not against the formula! There are hundreds of different ways to break rapport and not everyone will do it the same. It's just a matter of making sure that comfort is built before it happens so that you don't get a bad reaction from it.

Now about handing an initial cold reaction: If you go in with comfort there shouldn't by any cold reaction. Let's take this as an example... Imagine there is the coldest bitchiest girl sitting by a bar. She is an ice queen, as cold as they get. If you were to go up to her and say, "Excuse me, I don't mean to bother you, but your handbag is kind of sticking out behind your chair and anyone can easily swipe it. You might want to tuck it under a bit, there are a lot of people in here."

You are adding value to her by helping her make sure her stuff doesn't get stolen and have built a massive amount of comfort. That is obviously an extreme example, but that ice queen would have absolutely no reason to be cold or bitchy to you.



If you try to open with a neg or assume attraction then you might get those cold responses. Now if you are opening with comfort and she is still giving you a cold reaction then just brush it off and move on. Maybe say something like "Hey, I'm sorry if I said something to upset you, I was just trying to have a good conversation because you seemed interesting. Hope I didn't ruin your evening, have a good night." She will most likely feel bad because you have slightly called out her rude behavior.



If she doesn't bounce back like that then just move on because you don't want to be stuck with a bitch anyway.

Heya NeoFromTampa2,


Dude, marriage is a huge deal. It should not be something that you settle for and not taken lightly.

In my previous relationships I did have those thoughts and fears when things were getting serious, but I have never had them with Amanda. In fact, it was the opposite. I have been excited about getting more serious and I actually want to have only one girl in my life.


Before when I was hard core into gaming I had so many women in my life that it didn't mean anything. It was all hollow and there was nothing behind it besides sex and casually hanging out. I needed something more, I needed it to have meaning and I needed to care about someone and have them care about me.

I have found that with Amanda. She isn't just a random girl and I am willing to give it all up to be with her. That's how I know we're ready.


Like I said before, don't settle and don't compromise. When it's that one girl that you're ready to give it all up for, then you know its right.


Wow, now I sound like a real AFC. That's why it's in my name!

Hey Fin,

This is the typical daygame vs. nightgme dilemma. I am a firm believer in sticking with what you're good at.

Yes, in night game you're usually expected to be a bit more high energy but that is because it's what the venue calls for. If you're going to be battling with loud music, people screaming and singing and groups of friends all huddled together then you're going to have to rely more on entertainment.

If that really is not your style then stick to doing your approaches and practicing during the day. When you go out at night then don't worry so much about "gaming" but instead just have fun with your friends and if you happen to find yourself speaking with a girl then take it from there.


If you do want to practice night gaming then you can try more low energy venue's such as bars instead of clubs, lounges, or the posh hotel bars which are usually more upscale and aren't as loud or as rowdy.



Hope this helps mate!


Adam,

Hey Adam,
As some of the guys have already mentioned, massive thanks for taking the time out to reply.

I think I may already know the answer to my situation but might as well get a second opinion:

A few months ago I met this girl and we started to hang out 1-3 times a week (always with a group of friends, at a music festival, bbq, clubbing or party). Anyway looking back on it now I realized she's a flirt (always hooking up with a guy at a club, getting approached all the time, it's like the attention boosts her self image, confidence and ego). I could write down stories going into detail of how there were signals and I never had the balls to take advantage, and how most of the time it seemed she was playing me, but i'll skip to the defining moment.

Skipping Minor details, myself, her and a good female friend of ours went to a club, and she ends up with a guy, we leave and she stays, i'm waiting to go home but receive a text asking if im still in the club, I call her (no calling credit) saying im outside, she probably doesn't hear me so I wait out front (club lockout) (probably a shit move), anyway later she comes out holding hands with the guy and they walk off in some direction. I call out after her and they come towards me. The guy doesn't even look at me, but she asks me random questions and then says something like "might see you tomorrow, or the day after" (no idea what she's referring to) I say sometime like "whatever" and I just get up and leave. I realized she left her jacket and bag at the cloakroom and try calling her while walking in the general direction of the club to get water anyway, and she doesn't pick up and when I yell across the street she couldn't hear me, so I ignore her and walk off.

Fast forward to the next day and I did the following:
-wrote on a friends wall saying that it was good he didnt come out since it ended awkwardly for certain people
-Wrote her a fb msg saying she later replied with something like ".................... hope you got home ok too. mm "

Later on msn she quotes what I wrote on my friends wall and 'the discussion' began. She asks if I was angry at her for last night and apologizes for if she was rude in which I reply diplomatically each time with things like "no, as long as you had fun. Everything's fine". Anyway she brings up how she knows i like her and how i've been acting strange since another party where she was with a guy and I apperantly got angry, and she goes on about how she likes me as a friend and she hopes we still can be even though it may be a little bit uncomfortable, and if we're still going to be friends I'll have to accept it. I reply with one sentence/word replies and we end the convo on a "cya in the near future" tone. I later sent her a fb msg saying I was sorry for being a jerk and hope we can still be friends and something like 'cya in a few months (exams are soon anyway, plus I think shes travelling in the holidays. Plus tbh it was kinda awkward) (probably another bad move on my part) and she replies saying its fine and something like 'youre such a drama queen! we'll see each other before that'

Anyway I was at a party tonight where she was also in attendance. I don't think we even looked at each other. When we first met we started off really tight and bonded realllllly well, but then it got really inconsistent (going to her place, me saying i'll go over and her being cool with it and 'changing' dates last minute, inviting me out, ignoring me, etc). Anyway, her birthday is coming up, still contemplating on not going, but the big question is, how long should I ignore her for? Is there even any chance in the future? Also for future reference, How do you handle these 'flirts?'

If you managed to read that all and bother replying... Kudos to you!

Hey Adam,

So I've been seeing this girl who is a friend of my younger sister for about a month and a half it started off good but the past 3 weeks ive only seen her like once a week for like 2 hours. We had are first talk last saturday when i was kissing her on her bed and she told me that something felt weird cuz i was her friends brother. We then continued talking and I gave her a speech about how it shouldnt matter and not to miss out on stuff and then I ran the cube on her. I felt like she was almost going to LJBF's me but I told her that we should just not put any labels on anything. She also just turn 18 and seems like she doesnt always wanna see me on the weekend nights, we dont really have the same friends. i sent her a text yesterday saying that I wanta see her next weekend and go to the strip club she said yes as long as she isnt going to her cabin, but I dont know I think shes been texting other guys a lot too. Is there anyway I can save this, in the past couple days I've just been staying strong C and F and writing and talking about a bunch of fun stuff and talking to girls on my facebook.
I also made a comment on one of her statuses it wasnt sexual but it just kinda made it evident im seeing her and she removed that status the next day. Do you think I should cut my losses or just try to keep a strong frame and get her to experience my reality?

Great stuff. I've got a date set up after my exams next week. I'm just gonna tease her, then do a k-close routine. Hopefully I'll finish things.

I've got a new question. It involves text game. I'm pretty terrible at texting. I hardly send texts on my phone but I figure I need to get a good thing going with it. I don't know where to start and there all kinds of different methods on all the forums. Is there a consistent structure I can follow?

I understand all PUAs now.

It's all about spiking and balancing emotions.

Sure it is about Social proof and all that but when you are one on one with a girl, it's all about your game.

Your structure makes good sense:
Build quick comfort (give value) - Then Take away that comfort (neg) - as soon as that hits Qualify - and then Kino Reward and escalate!

Mystery is pretty similar actually but he goes the other way round:
Be cold at first (but DHV) - she shows interest - Qualify/Reward and Isolate/Escalate.

Mehow's method about micro looping is also pretty much the same.


But you really seal the deal by saying - It's not what YOU do, it's what you get her to do.

So I can totally avoid learning magic or palm reading I suppose..


OK so my question to you is:

What are your thoughts on OPENING with qualification?

Dear adam... i want to know how to get a sex buddy please..could you help me cheers man

Hey Youth Riot,

I will try to get all of your questions answered! Some of the best tips I can give you for conversational skills with this girl is to actually call her out on it. If you don't like how your conversations are going then tell her and fix it.

A conversation is a two-way street. If something isn't going well it is not your fault, it is just as much her fault! If you do already know all about her, her ambitions, her past, and dreams then you should have no problem with having tons of information to pull from. If those are boring topics then talk about what is happening in life currently, your friends, pop culture, new movies that are coming out, etc.


Once you're in a conversation about something that is not just about you, make sure that you actively encourage her to speak. Actually respond to what she says and give positive verbal affirmation. This helps the flow better and will keep her on a specific subject.

Projecting your voice is easy: speak from your stomach instead of your throat. Go to a mirror and speak out load. Then put your hand on your stomach and say the same sentence but push the air out of your mouth via your stomach muscles. That will make a big sound come out instead of straining your throat to make it happen.


Now, about her being infatuated with you. If you are not on the same wavelength with her then it isn't healthy, but if you are equally in love and as invested then it isn't a problem. But it obviously sounds like you aren't as obsessed, so it might be a good idea to actually take a step back and reevaluate the situation. It sounds like she is seeking validation from you and that is why she is showering you with praise and compliments. You actually can't stop someone from being validation seeking, it is just a trait that they have.

The best thing I can tell you is that maybe you guys should get a hobby or join an activity together. That will get you guys bonding on a new level and be able to talk about something other than just you.



Hope this helps mate!


Adam,

Quick fire question for you Adam. How should one go about gaming shop assistants, either behind the till or on the shop floor?

I ask because i recently bought a new polo shirt, and saw two shop assistants chatting about the retro style snap on wristbands they had. The HB8 was saying that she didn't know what they were, so i interjected with the answer and got a smile from her. Turned to the one on the till to serve me and looked back at HB8 and smiled, got a beaming smile back. Before i would've palmed this off as nothing, but game has taught me otherwise.

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Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast!

Hey Dang,

Cheers for the message mate! The princess days were a lot of fun.. this really is all a matter of just having girls in your life. If you don't have any women in your life then you definitely wont have hot women in your life.

The easiest way to do it is to grow your social circle. When you go out don't necessarily thing about going out to pick up but meet people and socialize. When you do meet girls think about closing them as friends instead of as someone to want to nail or date. In essence, you LJBF them.

Make friends with them and then use those girls as entry ways to hotter girls. Get them to introduce you to other girls by asking! Tell them that you are looking for a good girl to date and that you need their help. Girls love that kind of stuff and are always willing to help.

Use the group of girls that you have friended as your pre-selection into the hotter group of girls. Remember, pre-selection is the highest trigger of attraction. Once I was introduced to the Princesses it was soooo stupidly easy to get other girls because of the pre-selection I had. The new girls thought I was just a friendly guy who hung out with a lot of girls so their guard was down. They assumed I was non-threatening... If only they knew!



Everyone fears rejection when they first start out, but it was something that I managed and controlled very quickly. It was not a hindrance in my game because I didn't allow it to be. Rejection does happen and most of the time it cant be controlled... she might be married, her dog just died, she just broke up with her boyfriend... There are thousands of different reasons why rejection could happen. So accept it, make it a learning experience, and move on to the next one.




Hope this helps bro!



Adam,