| In the months that had past, I'd mainly had to go out on my own w/out a wing and test out what I've learned from MM and the Game. During those times, I've been to several seminars from dating women to self-help to financial planning in attempts to make myself more...appealing to the opposite sex. Like many of us, I crashed and burned. There were days when I didn't even try because I felt completely crushed by events that had happened a week ago. I've never, in all my life, have felt so socially awkward and embarrassed since I've started. True, I've talked to more women in the past few months than I've ever done in my lifetime since then. But I've also never felt so insignificant to them.
To top it off, I am still a virgin fast approaching my mid-twenties. No, not a born again virgin, I'm a naturally grown virgin. I've lied and joked about this guilty, hidden fact of mine from friends and family. Many of the lies and stories I've told my friends about my promiscuity, I got from obscure foreign porn videos or edited versions of stories told to me by my friends and their experiences.
I'm not a huge believer in soulmates, nor do I believe that you have to be married to the person you're having sex with. Or even have a romantic bond with them. I do, however, believe that you must at least be attracted to them and want to have sex with them. Not settle for whatever you can get, just to get it done. There have been a myriad of chances in the past in which I could've lost my virginity and had decided not to. Sometimes out of fear, sometimes out of shame, but mainly, due to the fact that I was not sexually attracted to them.
I've decided to come out and admit that piece of embarrassing truth about me, because I believe it is necessary for me to admit that to move on with myself. As well as to become the PUA I want to become and look up to. Up till now, my virginity has been a HUGE mental barrier to my game. I'd sabotaged myself in the past just to avoid embarrassing myself in front of a HB. I'd purposely hit on girls that I felt were less...attractive to ensure the health of my self-esteem. Telling myself, "Well, I don't think I'd want to sleep with her anyway." if I struck out. If I'd managed to get the IOAs and kino from a HB, I'd get scare and leave w/out even attempting to number close.
I'm not going to pretend that it's not an embarrassing fact about myself. I am, 100% to the n-th degree, embarrass that I am a virgin. That three of my younger siblings, possibly four or even five...hopefully not six, are have lost their virginity. This post is not to encourage or to rally virgins of the world. It's strictly a very selfish post for a selfish person. Even though the forum offers a level of anonymity, it's a step forward for me. The next, though harder, will be to admit to friends and family, many of whom had come to me for advice related to sex, that I'd lied about my sexual past. Or lack of it.
I love women. I especially love beautiful women. When I do lose my virginity, it will be to a beautiful woman and it will be accomplish solely by me relying on my own tact, wit, and skill.
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