Nice post, Hank. I'll try and adress as many of your points as i can
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Loved the post man. hope this comes across as i want it to. to bring understanding and help to others.
The thing i don’t agree with liquid and some of the other long term members of this forum is about canned material and the knowledge that they hand out about being natural and trusting your gut instincts and not sticking to a formula. The thing i believe about formula for NEW members is a lot of guys are like me, very intimidated by talking to women.
Man, don't get me wrong, I still find myself getting nervous a lot of the time. Just learn to be comfortable with the feeling. When I say dont worry about sticking to a formula, I'm not suggesting to not learn/utilise a method. I'm saying that you shouldnt worry about following it to a tee. Just learn it, read through it a couple of times, then go interact. Sit out the interaction, be comfortable sitting out the interaction. After reading a method/system, I'm sure you'll have at least a loose idea of what to do. Even if you don't, just go into the interaction go through it, try taking it as far as you can whilst letting it feel natural, then you can later reflect on what you did.
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I was so attracted to pua because i had made lots of similar mistakes my entire life with the opposite sex. So having a routine to follow for me is the best way to START in pick up. but being a regular member of the chat room and listening to new members come in and ask questions like which canned routine should i use in this situation, then being told not to use canned material and be natural, i think is very off putting to new guys as they cant picture themselves being natural from the get go with pua.
When I say 'be natural', I'm not saying 'be a natural' nor am I saying people should continue using 'counter productive behaviour'. As I said, YOU know what you
want, and people who have these
bad natural traits, are simply following a different guide to life, called 'social conditioning'. We are told women have to be respected, people take this to the extreme, by being over nice. Just as in pick up, people take 'negs' to the extreme by insulting. Neither of these behaviours are natural. Of course respect women, respect everyone, just don't supplicate.
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I worked in sales for a long time and worked for a company that was basically dealt with over flow projects for IT companies like Microsoft, Google, Apple and Hewlett Packard to name a few. All these projects were different and i needed to know what i was talking about and quickly. The first thing i would do is write a script and then once i had a plan in my head and on paper i would make some phone calls and follow it pretty much exactly. This was to help me know what i was doing and to make sure i made as few mistakes as possible when i was learning what to talk about. After a few hours of talking non stop on the phone the script was thrown in the bin and i could carry on like normal.
The point I’m making is that im very new here and have serious Approach Anxiety and fear of failure. So having a set script in my back pocket is comforting. And like at work i know that soon i will get more comfortable with interacting with women and will need to use the canned material less and less. BUT for now i think canned material is not only a good thing to learn but for people in my situation an absolute MUST.
It's always fair to have pre thought out dialogues, and knowing the different directions a conversation could flow. All this is, is
pre carving the valleys before allowing the water to run. In situations, I'm able to improvise and direct conversations with ready responses, and even react naturally, cos I am quick witted. So that indeed does give me a advantage over some guys. The thing is, you do NOT need to have some wierd random canned material, asking women
who lies more, etc etc. Just think, in those seconds, what you may want to say to someone, or want answered. Its easy to come up with something while you're out. As long as you have a
genuine interest in the question, you
will be able to carry on from this, because you have something you are seeking. If you ask for example,
'who lies more men or women' and you have no interest in that question, of course you will be stuck. Carrying on with the convo in any way would be 'forcing interest', which will cause you to 'not know what to say' because you have no interest in it. If you are going for an opinion opener, think of something you
genuinely could use an opinion on, and go ask it. And yeah, ask it to several women, its not canned, as you shouldn't just trust one persons opinion on something.
Just having a basic question in mind and going in, will soon get you used to phrasing it differently each time, rather than having to have it word for word. And thus, being
Natural.
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Liquid wrote
An example of this, a fellow PUA I chat with asked me something along the lines of “The redhead I'm gaming asked me if I want to come and meet her at work. Should I go, or would this make me look too available and jumping to her needs? What should I do?”
My answer to this, was Do what you want!
he then goes on to explain this in detail. And makes a Very good point however, as a newcomer and very fearful this is actually in my eyes more intermediary rather than for newbie’s like myself.
If you are free to see her, and want to see her, see her. It doesn't get more simpler than that.
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A lot of things in PU are not natural to me, i asked a girl by text yesterday and when she didn’t reply straight away i wanted to go to her work to see if she was there. Not going is not natural to me, not apologising for wanting to sleep with an attractive woman is not natural to me. Touching a girl as I’m talking to her and not being 100% sure she is attracted to me is not natural. These are all things I’m learning as move away from my very, very AFC tendencies towards hopefully becoming a pua.
As these are not natural to you, netiehr is going. Once again, it's a case of social conditioning. Apologising for wanting to sleep with an attractive woman has nothing to do with pick up, nor being natural. It's social conditioning. Society has made you feel bad for this. The fact you want her, is very natural. If you want her, you want her. If your actions offend her, don't apologise for your actions, apologise for disrespect. This isn't pick up, this is evolution, the natural alpha instincts of your very self. Don't apologise for years of evolution. And besides, women want to be wanted, and have their own genetic make up which makes them want a guy like that.
The case of you wanting to go to her work cos she hadnt replied, is just a case of scarcity mentality, and needyness. Theres enough material saying why you may have that mentality, and enough reasons why you cant get rid of it so easily, but you should just realise, there
are a lot of women, nothing is the end of the world.
Now kino, is the only thing that my not be natural. But, again, me comfortable, be natural, be fluid, RELAX, and move how you will and just be animated. Unless you're extremely nervous in every aspect of life, even sitting there indoors, im sure you know how to be comfortable. Kino can simply be, to start off with, an extension of your movements, extend your movements until they touch the girl. Also, to get your friends attention, you may touch them, if they cant hear you and are faced the other way.
I hope you can see, none of what I have explained here is any kind of 'techniques' or 'methods', but rather natural actions, when you're at your most comfortable, at your most natural, the way you are sposed to be, the way that the universe intended.
I think it shows another thing, thinking you
'need' openers, and routines, etc. Shows maybe you have game dependancy... the idea that these techniques work, and can help, combined with the fantasy of knowing these special techniques can help lead you to the goal of your fantasies, has led you to place too much dependancy on them. Its how they market most of the products too.
So yeah, let go a little of the idea of this lifeline pick up has given you, and
RELAX!!!.
I hope this may have cleared some stuff up for you, Hank, and anyone else reading this.
...Be like water, my friends....
~Liquid Blend
CHAT
