| If we are talking about outcomes and pickup the outcome becomes getting laid. There is an inherent problem with this mindset that pickup will get you laid. This is not true. Pickup, like anything else, is not a magic pill. In fact it is nothing tangible. You cannot hold pickup in your hands and say I have this, I am good at pickup.
Then what can you do? How do you truly get the "result" that you want? As said the inherent problem is the fact that the want for an outcome prevents the outcome. Guys usually get into the world of pickup because they have a lacking want - sex, a girlfriend, feminine energy, feminine affection, and they completely desire it.
It is normal, since our childbirth we are smothered by motherly affection without which we would die or become severely mentally handicapped. It would be a traumatizing event to have a lack of motherly affection in our early years. However most mothers fail to "let go" of their children when they get older, which is where the usual mommy boy syndrome comes from.
I was one of those kids and it severely hindered me in being confident with women, being confident without my mother around me. Even to this day where I consciously make independent choices, the old fears may come back from time to time, entering my head, making me want to run back to mommy and tell her to take care of the problem. Obviously I don't, but the subconscious wiring is there, still. As I grow older and get more experience and consciously make the decision to make my own decisions, I lose that side of my mind bit by bit, chopping away at it extremely slowly.
With that "want" for motherly affection, or affection (it is a want, not a need anymore, yet a strong want), comes the realization that you may also get this affection from another girl or woman. So immediately guys like myself turn to pickup to get it. Pickup will get me this affection that I am lacking, that I so desperately want. However, it is exactly this want that will make girls run away from you. This is "neediness" and it is what girls seem to absolutely hate. A needy man is one that does not care about himself, he only cares about the affection he can get from another girl. He is only truly happy when he is "fulfilled" by the affection, the desire of a woman, explicitly telling him she loves him, or making it extremely obvious that she likes him. Only then can he ever dare to make a "big move" like going for the number or even asking her out on a date, or...go for a KISS! Wow! A needy man is not fulfilled if he does not have a woman. I find myself there from time to time, and it takes constant reminding that I am OK, that everything is fine, that I do not actually need a woman in my life to be happy. Again, the wiring in my brain tells me that I need affection constantly, that I need a woman to be happy. A fear of finding myself in a similar place where I was for the first 19 years of my life; alone, virginal, lacking in affection, lacking in "growing up". I find myself worrying about when my next lay will come, when my next girl will come, however I remind myself that that is not important, and it is exactly this attitude that will NOT get me the girl. Even saying that this attitude will not get me the girl is the wrong attitude to have.
So what "does" get the girl? If men are supposed to be characterized by going for what they want and that the most attractive men do not show shame in their desire, how can you show your desire for affection without coming across as needy? You cannot. You desire for affection is the neediness itself, therefore showing desire for something out of your control will never get you the girl. It takes a lot of looking into yourself to realize that you don't need the girl, that everything is truly OK if you do not get laid. But this is what it takes. You really are OK if you do not get laid. The reason most guys stop talking to girls after a while is because they begin to talk to girls with a desire for immediate affection, sex and satisfaction, and when that doesn't get them anything, they say "Oh well, it didn't work for me. I tried it but...nothing." This is because these guys have not had the chance to inspect what is wrong with their mindset. It is not that they are doing anything wrong per se, it's just that they believe that female affection will fulfill them, when they are actually already fulfilled.
You do not need the girl to fulfill you.
What you need is to be vulnerable with yourself, be honest with yourself, be truthful with yourself and with the girl you walk up to. If you are walking up to her with an intention in mind, with an agenda that you are hiding, you are coming from the wrong mindset. You must truly be OK with not getting this girl or the next or the next.
Then where does that leave you? What do you do? What do you talk about? This is irrelevant. It is irrelevant because it should be common sense. A person walks up to another person. In this case a guy walking up to a girl. There is a potential for romantic interest. For sexual interest. This does not need to be stated because if you are both straight you will feel it. What needs to happen next? An introduction, probably. Then probably a getting to know each other, and if there is more interest, getting to know each other on a deeper level. Since there is also sexual interest the two will probably get to know each other physically, truly enjoying their physical company. After that there will probably be a natural getting closer to each other as the two become more comfortable with each other physically and mentally. After that the rest is really history as the man genuinely goes for what he wants, which is to probably see her again or go with her somewhere that day or night or in that moment even. The natural occurrences will happen anyway. The man must have a want, sure. But that want can only be real if he knows he is OK without getting laid. He will express his desire vulnerably, honestly, truthfully. He will put himself on the line and go for what he wants. Anything else is out of his control. He will probably not get laid with her that night or maybe even that week. The chances are slim and he knows it. But why not go for it anyway?
If the desire for affection is removed completely and the neediness is gone, what you say is irrelevant. If you are worrying about what to say next, it is not because you don't have anything to talk about, it is because you want your words to have an effect on her that will get you closer to the result. You are not being genuine with her. You are using your words to give her an impression that will make her like you more. You are being objective rather than subjective. Your worry stems from your mindset, not your inability to say something, to talk about something. If you do not try to get anything from the girl, what else is there other than to be with her, fully, completely, honestly? Nothing. So that is what you do. You just are with her. Together. Listening to her and responding to her completely, fully. Allow nature to take care of the rest. Being vulnerable is the most important part, not to get the girl, but for yourself. Rid yourself of your worries by not worrying. There is nothing to gain here. Go out the next time thinking "I will probably not get laid tonight" and if you still want to walk over to a girl and talk to her then you are coming from the right mindset. Why else would you be walking over to her if not to just be with her?
Be a man that goes for what he wants vulnerably, being OK with whatever outcome. "Hey, I'm just here to say Hi. Really." Nothing more. The attraction will build naturally, organically, automatically. There is nothing you have to do to build attraction. You cannot control whether or not she will be attracted to you, just like you cannot control whether she has a boyfriend or not. They are both out of your control. So all that's left is to give it a try without any sort of expectation. And throughout the entire interaction there is always the possibility of it messing up somehow, being out of your control so much. So stop worrying and start just being with her. There is nothing to gain, there is nothing to lose. There just is, with her.
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CHAT