The Core of the Game

I was out yesterday and at one point it clicked and I remembered exactly what it was that had gotten me success in the past. It wasn't techniques, it wasn't lines, it wasn't physical escalation, it wasn't push and pull, it wasn't subcommunications (as per my other article), it wasn't even direct eye contact, it wasn't being direct with your intentions.

I was spending a lot of the time in the club approaching, but also walking. The club was a rave club and really not my niche, but whatever, I was there and I was there to meet girls. Going in with the mentality of "owning it", anxiety was lurking in my stomach. Something I knew I could get past by just approaching, so I sacrificed the lamb on the first approach. The first approach is to get into the swing of things. I then thought about building up my "state" and going on an approach journey, which worked for a little while with little success.

After a few hours of doing this and taking breaks inside the club, drinking nothing but water and talking to my wing, there was something missing. I wasn't feeling comfortable. I was trying hard to get something from these women, these girls, and when I wasn't getting it I was getting frustrated.

I took my wing outside and sat down. We were both pretty tired. After all it was around 4am and the club was in full swing. We had been there for a good four hours. And it was at that point, sitting by the stairs, that I thought "fuck it", I won't play any games anymore. I won't "game" anymore. I won't be forceful in my approach. I won't focus on my subcommunications, on my escalation, on my sexualization. I just want to go up to a girl, be completely honest and truthful with her, and be completely vulnerable to whatever happens. I had enough. All I wanted was a nice interaction with a girl. It was at that point that I let go. My wing was still anxious, but I had reached a new stage, a new level of calmness, of relaxation, of meditation, of harmony. Truth, honesty, vulnerability. Real. This is real. There is no agenda behind it, there is no force behind it, there is acceptance to whatever happens happens. Wanting nothing more than to connect vulnerably and honestly with a girl. Having no real plan. Just walking up to a girl and being completely honest with her. Saying what I think calmly, enjoying her company, calmly. Listening to her, calmly.

I saw a girl by the stairs on her phone. I walked past her, then decided I want to approach her. So I walked back up, sat down next to her and said "You look really lost. You've been walking up and down for the past five minutes." She responds with a beaming smile and says she doesn't speak English well, but says she is looking for her friends. We get moved from the stairs to the wall by the bouncer, I ask for her name.

After that we have an interaction that is deeply fulfilling. I allow myself to fall in love with her right then and there. I am as calm as the still Ocean, my movements are little yet fluid, I lean against the wall and so does she. I look into her eyes because that is all I want to look at. My mind is free and I am listening to her completely and responding to her completely. I am a rock and she is a crab around the rock, desperately trying to hold onto something. She gets nervous because I am so calm that she mumbles a few words, almost stuttering. I smile genuinely, she smiles back. She leans in far, and I pull her in when she doesn't. She asks for my contact details and tells me to write her. We exchange them. I did nothing here. Nothing. There was nothing to be done. My heart wasn't pumping adrenaline, I was still. I was enjoying her completely, fully. It was the first genuine interaction of the night.

Later I approached another girl who had JUST gotten approached by a pua dude. He was forceful in his approach and she could've blown me off easily. However I genuinely wanted to know how badly she got harassed by that guy. So I asked her. After that I had her laughing, and unfortunately she wanted to get back to her friends so I let her go. No big deal. It was a genuine interaction of the night. I did not think about what to say next because there was nothing to say next. All there was was her and me, listening to each other, responding to each other, building a connection far deeper than anything else could. We were both one with each other before she had to go. The same with the first girl. We were both one with each other during the interaction. She forgot all about her friends and her surroundings. Her eyes and my eyes met and we exchanged each other. We connected on a deeper level.

After that approach I did another approach. I approached a girl that was in a 6 set, a mixed group with 2 or 3 tall guys. I said "Hi, I want to meet you" with a beaming smile on my face. She stretched out her hand and we talked for a little bit. She felt awkward but I felt at ease. Her friend then grabbed my goatee and sarcastically said "Nice goatee!" A typical shit test which could have affected me, but it flew right through me and I turned to her with a huge smile and said "Thanks! It took me 3 months to grow!" Once you have completely relaxation and vulnerability, you are transparent, and bad energy, shit tests, fly right through you. The do not bounce off of you. The fly through you without ever affecting you.

What this requires is complete honesty, complete vulnerability, complete truthfulness. When you devote yourself to honesty, vulnerability and truthfulness, everything else will follow. You will be genuine, you will be real. Every move you make, every escalation, every joke, every tease, every flirt, will be real, will be honest, will be truthful. Who knows you may not even make any of those. And that's ok. Because you were genuine. If you don't want anything from the girl, then don't try to get anything. If you want the girl then be genuine about that, too, be calm, be a rock, be the still ocean that is rooted, slow down, don't rush anything. You may not pull her tonight. You may have to go one 1, 2, 3, 4 dates with her, you may see her in a month and get with her then. Or you may never get with her. So what? Have a genuine interaction with her. Look into her eyes and find relaxation there. Connect with her deeply. Everything else will follow. You have no agenda, you have no hidden motivation, you just want to be with her then and there.

You are not even doing this to get the girl. You are not being calm to attract her. You are doing this because it is beautiful. She probably already likes you anyway, so forget about it. Be calm, be genuine with her. That's all that's required. From this everything else can rise. Out of your relaxation you may gain energy and want to dance. You may gain fun and excitement from doing mass approaches. You may gain excitement from trying out new things, new skills, or you may just want to be with her then and there. Every rises from the calm relaxation that comes from being vulnerable and honest and truthful.

That is the core of the game, to be with her completely, fully. Be honest, be vulnerable, be truthful.

Be genuine.

Problem is you go to a place and all you find is wanna-be PUAs scattered all around the girls trying to impress them and make them laugh. They try hard, they fake themselves and act the complete the opposite of their original personalities. Some girls go with it just because they have no other options. Other reject such people and preselect the ones who are faithful and honest.

I took some of the PUA techniques (games, body posture, and other simple basic stuff) and threw away all the routines that are suggested here and there. I started approaching fully honest and I'm seeing some pretty decent changes and more successes. It's been around a month approaching with all honesty with a "Hi, I saw you when I first entered the place and you seem like a really fun person to talk to, (my name)". Honest stuff like that gets you all you want. Playing hard to get and pushing-pulling doesn't work. Moreover, one great aspect that I have to shed the light on is NEVER approach a girl that you don't really want. When you start approaching the girls that you like, you start getting decent results mainly because you're coming out as honest and girls see through that right from the beginning.

Agreed with that, so many people trying to hard and faking there personalities to impress and get girls without knowing the true reason behind it. The only thing worked for me is be a genuine guy with clear intent because it's really difficult to stop a genuine guy with a clear intent.

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Criminal

The difference, IMHO, is that most guys get into PUA because they don't know how to get women and they want to learn how. They think if they follow a script, they should automatically get the girl. That's not realistic at all. But as the OP pointed out, he let go. That is the very definition of the inner game that you need in order for your outer game to shine. Your body language improves. Your fear of making eye contact goes away. Your fear of saying something stupid disappears. Your self esteem has risen.

I think a lot of bad techniques were modified from good techniques and a lot of men are steered into the wrong direction with bullshit advice and look at PU negatively. Some so-called PUA's create bad technique off of good technique because they make up their own theories on why that good technique actually worked. Some PUA guru's make outrageous promises telling you that you will get ANY girl you want with their technique. Some people that call themselves PUA's because they know someone else's methods and techniques are not truly PUA's.

At the end of the day, you found the technique that worked for you. That is pick up.

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mpuaforum.proboards.com

Whoa. . . Dude. This bit was beautiful I may print this out and stick it on my wall.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html