Members, I have been debating heavily about writing this post, because it’s very personal topic to me. After some long thoughts on the subject I decided that it could only help me come to terms with the way I was, and possibly help others along the way. A little while back I wrote a post about "The ultimate nice guy player that I was" (See link at the bottom of the page) that outlined how I use to attract and seduce women improperly. In much the same way I followed the pattern of opening with comfort, to women of interest, then moving to seduction, and using the "I Love You" line if needed defeat LMR my mind hit another realization. When I met my now ex-wife back in college she was the prettiest thing I had come across at the time. I was 19 and I met her playing pool and built comfort, took her out on a date. Within about a month of dating this deeply religious girl, I decided I had to have her. When I tried I got the, "I can't, I am waiting for marriage..." roadblock.

Being the player that I was, and after hitting all kinds of LMR brick walls because of her religious background I decided I would get engaged. I did this properly with the ring and all at one of our favorite spots on campus. Anyways, it worked and I got my wish, shortly afterwards I was able to get my f-close I wanted so badly. In some ways I actually did want to get married, but not for the right reasons. I wanted to get married because A.) She was the hottest thing I had come across at the time. B.) I was tired of trying to play the game and failing. C.) I wanted some stability in a life with anything but...

I guess the only thing that really backfired is I did like her, but as time passed in our 2 years of our engagement I grew less attracted to her. (I never really built any) We got married after we graduated from college. The first year of marriage was pretty good, but as time passed I wasn't attracted to her and didn't enjoy her company all that much. It was apparent she wasn't attracted to me either. Right at the end of the marriage, after 3.5 years she cheated on me with a co-worker. Of course, I blamed her for the marriage failing, however, at the time I wasn't even all that emotional about it. At the time I wasn't sure why but now it’s pretty obvious. I was luckily released from the very deep hole I dug for myself by her infidelity. We separated very cordially and without incident.

The reason I write this post is because I don't want others to fall into the trap I did. I got lucky that I had an excuse to exit my relationship with my ex-wife that didn't cause harm to my family, outside of wasted time. I hope others can learn from my mistakes as I have. I feel its very important to come to terms with your past, before you can proceed with the present. I have the community to thank for coming to terms with this secret that I locked away in my brain, and my ex-wife to thank for changing me forever.

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Hi jsmooth37076,

mainly this is the same story as my - but I was married for 7 years.

There is a german saying translated to somewthing like "Look twice before marry if there is any better around."

That's really true.

J, as I was telling you on the phone yesterday....I had a smiliar situation with my X Fiance. We dated, she was very pretty, amazing body, and everything I wanted. We got engaged quickly. I didnt take enough time to get to know her. I wont make this mistake again, I wish her luck in the future and still care about her very much...

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Kinoescalator
5 for 5 MPUA

"Life is short, when its done u cant start over"

Very good self analysis J, well written. It must feel good to get the weight of that period in your life off your chest. I know we've discussed the shoplifting of the booty the other day in the Chat, but I just wanted to say that it takes a real man to admit his wrongs and learn from them. What we resist, persists, what we accept, makes us stronger.

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I've been married 3 times now, and I've been on the verge of being a player in the past too.

The important thing is, you CAN change all of that, but you HAVE to break yourself down . . . COMPLETELY, and then build yourself back up again, the right way, in order to make that happen.

Or, you can have others that you trust to completely tear you apart and expose everything, so you can put yourself back together again, the right way.

I appreciate all of your comments and words of inspiratation. It is a big weight to get off my chest, and get it out in the open. What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger!

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Sometimes men can be so oblivious to the finer points of what should be obvious. J, perhaps you should take a good look in the mirror at yourself and face what is actually there. Lose all your inhibitions and trust people that are able to help you; for yourself in your life and you inner game.
He who said it best, "Be true to your own thine self!!"

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" It is not enough to conquer, one must know how to seduce"

Yea, I'm glad you shared man. I had a similar experience. I got engaged when I was 19. I was in the service and jumped the gun, she was in NY and I was in FL at the time so the distance sucked but we were going good. Up until she cheated on me while I was gone, with several guys not just one. I think I wanted a way out anyway but on better terms. It's a life changing experience, and actually how I got into all of this. Cheers on telling your story, it takes a lot to do that.

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Seduction isn't making someone do what they don't want to do.Seduction is enticing someone into doing what they secretly want to do already.

J, im not blowing smoke when i say im proud of you. What you just wrote shows tremendous growth. Not the kind you measure in numbers and kiss's either, only the kind that matters, the kind that you yourself see.

Im not gonna pretend i am always honest, but it is important to always be honest with yourself. I try to open myself to the point that i have nothing to hide. A big part of that is openly admitting your faults. When your true to yourself being open and honest with others isnt a issue.

The best part of this introspect, is that it has shown you that the process of looking inside yourself at those places many people dont go is a good practise. It turns out to be less painful then holding it in. In the end, its your greatest tool for self betterment. The ability to look inside yourself and identify flaws and admitt them to yourself, and then correct them.

Gratz man, thank you for sharing.

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-Ka-
"Be the same, only better."

I am in the process of doing exactly that Paramour! I have enlisted the help of some people I trust, and we'll be taking care of that soon.

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

I am proud of you J, you will be stronger before you know it!! Don't forget, WE are here for you.

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" It is not enough to conquer, one must know how to seduce"

Thank you all for your support.

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...