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The subtle, yet bold message your going to convey is; "I would like to fuck you and make you scream! But I don't NEED to fuck you...at all." NEVER dependent on the outcome.
The trouble with neediness is not just that it's offputting to women. It also creates a dynamic that can't possibly end well.
You need to eat. If you've not eaten for days or even weeks, and someone tells you that you can't have a piece of bread, that's a confrontation waiting to happen. In the right circumstances, you might even kill to get that piece of bread. Because you need it. In the sense that you will die without it.
You don't need to fuck that cute girl you see at the gym. If you don't fuck her, nothing bad will come of it. You'll still be able to carry on and enjoy your life. In fact you'll have forgotten her in no time.
But what if you really believe that you do need to? How are you supposed to approach this woman when her saying no is not an option? How can you possibly seem like a cool guy that she would want to know?
When in this mindset, any opener you might come up with or any approach you might choose to take will not come across well. In fact, any opener you come up with is designed to avoid hearing no. Hence it's likely to come across as pressurising, not as fun or relaxed. And depending on how needy you feel, you could end up being confrontational when you don't get what you want. You won't only blow out the set, you'll probably make sure she'll want to avoid you entirely.
So neediness is bad shit, let that be said.
Let's downgrade need to want. Wanting something can be a positive thing. It shows focus and channels your energy in a certain direction. Knowing what you want in life and relationships can be an attractive thing. And to show a woman that you want her may be pleasing to her.
But it's still a little too intense. If you're English like me, being very open about wanting anything doesn't come naturally. And when we see people around who say "I always go after what I want" it can seem arrogant and domineering, although that's partly about our hang ups. The truth is it's good to know what you want and to pursue it. And in some cases it will work out well. But the "wanting" mindset isn't fun or relaxed. It'll be attractive to some women some of the time if they know you want them. But there will be an intensity there that will put off some.
How about Heywood's frame of "I would like to fuck you"?
I think that's the winner.
Sometimes when I come home from work I think I would like to listen to a particular CD. But it won't be a big issue if I don't. I may hear of a new restaurant that I would like to check out. But if I get distracted by other things I won't be bummed out that I've missed out on a great experience. It'll still be there another time.
What if instead of seeing a girl and thinking "I must have her at all costs", you thought about her like you might think about a new restaurant i.e. "that looks nice, I must give that a try sometime".
What if a cute girl is just one of many things you might like to do that you will have to clear a window in your schedule for sometime?
What if you see a girl with a nice ass and think "hey, it sure would be fun to pound on that sometime. I'll have to see when I'm free".
And that vibe that you would "like to fuck her and make her scream" as Heywood puts it will come across and she'll know you're interested. But it's casual and low pressure enough that it can co-exist with other things. Like normal conversation.
I realise that so much of the stuff I even think of saying to women, I think of saying because I've started out with the wrong mindset. The stuff I come up with is tryhard, it's desparate, it's over-invested. All because I believe in the first place that this is actually a need.
When I downgrade that to simply "I'd like to bone you sometime when I've got a spare couple of hours", you suddenly don't need to worry about the content of the opener. People only worry about the content of the opener because they're worried about the outcome.
If there is no need then there's no negative consequence. You're not going to starve tonight and you'll be fine tomorrow.
So allow yourself to downgrade sex to the point where it's not the only thing you can see when you look at a woman. You might like to fuck her. You might also like to talk to her or hang out. That might also be fun. When it's "would like" instead of "need", there's really no lose in the situation.
CHAT
