Inner or outer game



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 Post subject: Inner or outer game
PostPosted: Thu Jan 02, 2014 12:08 am 
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Been doing pick-up half heartedly for over 3 years now, and like most guys my gamw has improved a lot but still theres peaks and throughs. It's taken me this long to realize something...

My game is at its best when I'm ONLY concentrating on either inner or outer game. First year of pick-up I only concentrated on outer game and rode a massive wave of success. Then I staryed to look into inner game and combine it with outer game and slowly the momentum came to a stop. Then about a year after that i focused purely on inner game and again rode a tidal wave of success.

I'm not sure if this is a question or a statement but there might be some use in only practicing one form of the game at a time. Theres definitely merit in the keep-it-simple-stupid idea in pick-up, and maybe only working on inner or outer is part of that.

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 Post subject: Re: Inner or outer game
PostPosted: Thu Jan 02, 2014 12:58 am 
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Well, outer game is more about how you present yourself, right? I don't think you should be focusing specifically on outer game too much. Get a nice haircut, wear a suit or whatever fits your style, smile, get your posture down and be confident. Outer game is sorted. All of outer game falls into place and becomes second nature, at least it did for me in my posture, body language and an eye for looking better(Better haircut, losing weight, etc.).

Inner game is more important I find personally. Outer game is easy. If it can't be fixed on the night you go out it's a gradual process(Like losing weight) and something you can set as a goal to work towards. Outer game would only be a massive issue if you were below average looking I think. Inner game is a lot more complicated and proves to give you the best results not only with women but in yourself and how happy you are generally. If your inner game falters you lose out, at least that's what i've found. One moment's flinch and you've blown yourself out.

Yeah, totally agree with the KISS comment. Depending on the level just keep it simple. If you're looking to game women and have a higher success rate then you want to veer away from keeping it simple. You want to be exact and know exactly what to say and do.


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 Post subject: Re: Inner or outer game
PostPosted: Thu Jan 02, 2014 1:32 am 
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Very dependent on the individual, but I would argue that it's almost impossible to focus on outer game without it impacting our inner game.

If you go out and get a great haircut, buy some new clothes which make you look amazing, get some face cream to clear up any acne or get rid of the bags under your eyes etc. then you're going to feel a lot better inside. Likewise, if you make a conscious effort to get your body language nailed down, you'll feel a lot better inside as well. Walking around like you own the place will usually make you feel like you actually do on the inside.

As for the other way around, obviously having a great inner game isn't necessarily going to make you dress well etc. but it will probably make your outer game come out well in terms of your personality, smiling at people, being confident enough to speak to them. If you're focussing on being happy, then you'll probably come across as more happy.

I think, to an extent, focussing on any one thing can help, because it distracts you. Let's face it - most of us have got social skills. There are very, very few people who can't have a half decent conversation with close family and friends. What makes a shy person shy though is usually that they're worried about something; worried about what other people think, or just wanting to keep themselves in check etc. etc. But if you're focussing on one specific thing, then some of the other stuff goes away.


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 Post subject: Re: Inner or outer game
PostPosted: Thu Jan 02, 2014 2:15 am 
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Yea 7000 bang on.

Focusing distracts you which is actually a good thing. When was focusing just on outer game inner game came by default, and visa versa. By just working on one the other automatically followed.

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 Post subject: Re: Inner or outer game
PostPosted: Thu Jan 02, 2014 5:10 am 
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I've noticed the same trend with a lot of guys.

However, in the long run it's usually a lot better to focus on inner game first. The results will come a little slower, but they'll feel more real and a lot more satisfying. You can get results faster from completely focusing on outer game it's harder to be happy that way.


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 Post subject: Re: Inner or outer game
PostPosted: Thu Jan 02, 2014 6:27 am 
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I say outer game first. As said, outer game is easier and brings results quicker. So results = you feel good. I take outer game as focusing on what you say, how you say it, your appearance etc. Inner games as your beliefs. Results will change your beliefs, but it's harder for beliefs to change your results. You can meditate and read Power of Now 100 times but most guys are going to feel better after just getting laid.


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 Post subject: Re: Inner or outer game
PostPosted: Thu Jan 02, 2014 7:24 am 
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Build a strong foundation and the rest will follow. I think inner game is a bit more important as far as developing yourself and your "game."


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 Post subject: Re: Inner or outer game
PostPosted: Thu Jan 02, 2014 7:26 am 
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However, "I'm focusing on my inner game" shouldn't be used as an excuse to not go out. The best way to build your inner game, in my opinion, is to get out there and take a bit of an emotional beating.


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 Post subject: Re: Inner or outer game
PostPosted: Thu Jan 02, 2014 2:59 pm 
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I think inner game is most important, but it is best learned by developing outer game. Developing outer game actually forces you to go out and meet women, which will build your confidence and your inner game. You will also capitalize on the natural way the brain is designed to learn ("smart" trial and error) and develop very strong inner game "implicitly".

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 Post subject: Re: Inner or outer game
PostPosted: Thu Jan 02, 2014 3:16 pm 
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I think it depends on what stage you're at to be honest. If you're extremely shy, then focussing on outer game first isn't going to work. You need to build up your own personal worth and personal confidence first.

If you come into pick up as an average guy who is quite confident but perhaps just lacks the skills to get girls or is perhaps just a bit quiet around complete strangers, then outer game is probably the better option to focus on. Improving this will "top up" your inner game. But the inner game needs to be at a reasonable level before you can do this.

Like I said, all fairly intertwined but I think, like with anything in life really, the best way to work towards a big goal is to break it down and focus on completing smaller goals step by step.


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 Post subject: Re: Inner or outer game
PostPosted: Fri Jan 03, 2014 2:57 am 
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I'm going to say that outer game is much more important at first, and important to maintain while improving inner game. A combination of both is more powerful, but if you can only have one or the other, it is a MUST that you keep your outer game solid. I have failed to keep my outer game solid lately. I got really good at being charming, mischievous, and hard-to-get. For years I had a great sex life with multiple women (my friends called me Mr. Five Night Stand.) But the one truly satisfying relationship with a great woman eluded me, so I thought maybe I needed to work on some self-improvement in order to get past the hump of a girl finding me initially attractive.

I spent over a year as an introvert devoting myself to learning martial arts, tango, becoming fluent in Spanish, studying beginner carpentry and masonry, and watching youtube videos on maintaining cars and doing plumbing. I also learned how to ride a motorcycle. I thought "Now I'm awesome! I don't have to pretend to be awesome anymore!" But guess what! I was out of the scene for so long I forgot how to pretend. All of those girls couldn't smell how awesome I was as I sat at the end of the bar alone, trying to remember how to open a set. I've learned all these skills, but I'm having a hard time getting to the point of even communicating them with a DHV story. There's no point knowing how to fix a motorcycle if you never get to bring it up.

I'm starting from scratch now. I'm sure once I get back into it I'll be better off in the long run, but last week when I went out I was doing worse than my AFC days. I seriously need to bang the rust out.


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 Post subject: Re: Inner or outer game
PostPosted: Fri Jan 03, 2014 4:28 pm 
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I do best when I just feel good. That means when my inner game is awesome. And yes, I also noticed that I do better when focusing on just one. I like to always focus and expand on both, and sometimes that gets convoluted because you're focusing on too many things at the same time. "I'm awesome!" "Be unapologetic!" etc. plus "work on isolation tonight!" or something, they don't go hand in hand. I feel inner game is better to focus on because when in field you will calibrate your outer game on the fly anyway.


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